Would you tell your spouse that you have an STD?
I’ve been with my spouse for 2 years now and I have HPV….I haven’t had an outbreak in over 3 years and I seriously didn’t know it could remain dormant and that I could still pass it on to him if we have unprotected sex. I haven’t seen any visible signs on him and last weeks PAP came back clear (when I found out I could pass it on). Should I tell him? How do I tell him? I feel worse than crap for not educating myself and possibly passing it on to the LOVE of my LIFE.
Oh and I’ve never cheated on him…i’m sure I’ll get nasty remarks about stepping out on him…trolls.
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Tagged with: 3 years • crap • love • love of my life • nasty remarks • outbreak • pap • Std • trolls • unprotected sex • Visible Signs
Filed under: Catch A Cheater
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I think that the answer to "would you tell" is an easy one. Yes.
The hard question is "how would you tell." And I just may differ from everyone else about the value of 100% complete and total honesty here. The important truth is that he is at risk, and has been at risk for HPV for some time.
The scary part of telling, for me, is NOT the part about having HPV, or about putting him at risk. The scary part would be the part where I knew that I still had HPV, but just didn’t think that I could transmit it. That would be the part that I would not be able to tell. Knowing that I still had HPV, and never telling him. So I would actually lie a little bit.
I would probably say that you knew that you had HPV before you married him, but that you thought it was gone. You had no idea that it wasn’t cured. And that you had no signs of the disease, so you thought that it WAS cured.
And now you learn that there is no such thing as cured, and you feel like an idiot.
I would also, right this minute, go and learn EVERYTHING that you can about HPV. From at least three different reliable web sites (and Yahoo!Answers does NOT count.) Don’t make the same mistake twice. Show him that you’ve learned your lesson.
I know some folks will tell me that married couples should share EVERYTHING with each other. That even a small lie, about something that will never happen again, will rot the marriage. And if you feel that way, then you’ll need to tell the entire truth. Sorry.
I would tell him
Good question…..GOOD LUCK!!!
Of course you need to tell him. This is something that you contracted before being married but he should be made aware that he may be at risk.
He has a right to know. It might have been more open if you had told him before marriage.
A dear friend of mine has recently learned that her boyfriend has genital worts (HPV). He was so loving and considerate to tell her before sexual experence. He actually deferred the experience, to her dismay ,until he felt he could tell her.
Please, do tell. In my friend’s case, it only made her caremore for him because of his honesty with a difficult confesson/explanation
Yes, you need to tell him. Marriage is based on communication and honesty. Before you understood that you could pass this on, your mistake was honest. But now that you know that you can pass it onto him, he needs to know.
If you all are using condoms for pregnancy prevention, then please continue to do so (unless you are planning to have a baby, that is) . The latest news in the US is that they are now considering giving the HPV vaccine to males as well, so in a few months/years he might be able to get the vaccine and be protected as well! If you are in Europe, check with your Dr., it may already be available to him. Good news for you and your hubby!
yes ~ tell him now
If you approach him in the right way it will be ok.
As hard as it is, honesty will keep you out of a lot of bad stuff. Try it………….it is important.
Well, if he was sexually active prior to you he may already have it too! It is a VERY common virus. I am married to someone that got herpes from a previous relationship that showed up on her early in our relationship. We still got engaged, married, and have kids and live with it appearing on occasion 20+ years later. I am still un-infected by it. You can work with this. Not an easy discussion to bring up so I can appreciate your position.