I have a question for those that are married and have cheated on their spouse before?
Here’s the scenario:
You cheated on your spouse. You finally got caught or the infidelity was revealed rather. You and your spouse talk things out and they decide to take you back and work things out (for better or for worse, as per your vows). You are really remorseful for what you’ve done and you are grateful that he/she is taking you back and giving you another chance.
A year or so later you suspect your spouse is now cheating. You don’t have any real proof but you think something is fishy by his/her actions. Finally you confirm that he/she is cheating on you. You confront him/her and they tell you the truth and tell you they are cheating because of what you did to them. They tell you that they know two wrongs don’t make a right but they are hurt.
Would you be angry at them and file for a divorce, or would you be just as willing to work the marriage out as they were?
P.S. I am the person that was cheated on and no, I am not thinking of cheating. Just curious.
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Tagged with: divorce • infidelity • marriage • proof • truth • two wrongs • vows
Filed under: Infidelity Warning Signs
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I think if she/he forgave the other for cheating it should end there. If after 1year they decided to cheat is because they really never forgave the other person for cheating. Yes, i would file for divorce because there’s no future in a relationship when the trust is gone from both party’s doing the same.
well ive been through this and if there is any kind of cheating going on GET OUT NOW because its only gonna get worse
two wrongs dont make it right….if you cant handle the cheating and cant trust them again then get out or just stay work it out earn that trust again and let it go put it in the past…never to bring up again.
since both had cheat…its a partner exchange party had to held on celebrating this event E:-) hope to see silver jublie
I would be willing to work it out. Having a "retaliation affair" is actually a pretty common way of dealing with the hurt of being cheated on.
i would be pissed if someone gave me hell for cheating then turn around and do it. I would suspect that they were probably cheating the same time I was which was why they agreed to take you back. Would I divorce them, well it depends if it was something they were going to continue to do no I wouldn’t meaning if there excuse is because i did it then i would assume they are going to keep doing it.
male here i was cheated on in.2002 and . divorced my now . ex. wife over it. you cant ever have the same feeling.s for them once that happens this i know for a fact. my honest opion?
If these things happen it is my belief that it often has to do not with a loss of love between a couple… but more often a loss of desire. Often a woman tends to assume that a man should just should continue to be sexually attracted to her.
But one must remember that desire must be worked at all the time…or boredom and lack of that spark gets dim… and that sets up a situation where an affair may happen.
Affairs tend to point to a problem in ‘the relationship’ and not necessarily to a lack of love…. for each other.
The scenario that u post happens alot..and its a major cause of divorce…but I would say that if both had cheated then its time to call it quits….
if you truly love your spouse you just do what you gotta do to keep them one night flings don’t mean nothing they are easily forgotten work it out together it means so much more
Your right , two wrong’s dont make a right , and why would you hurt yourself just to get payback for something he did ? it’s just not worth it.
My husband cheated on me , and no way would I lower myself to the level of payback cheating as some people have stated they would , honestly the pain that cheating causes is not worth inflicting on anyone even 1 who cheated on you.
I dont even know if I could take the cheater back , so thinking about doing it as payback would be the last thing on my mind anyways.
you’re right two wrongs don’t make it right, but it sure does make you feel better. its like the two wrongs cancel out. and now that you got that out of the way you guys can move on. i think you should stay with him/her unless they decide to cheat again then it’ll become this viscious cycle of infidelity. i think everyone deserves a second chance. i hope you guys can sit down and resolve any issues before you resort to cheating. don’t believe anyone that says "once a cheater, always a cheater" it’s simply not true, and i am proof of that.
i have no experience, but i will answer anyhow.
its really hard for most men to deal with someone poking his woman. so it might be tough for a guy to live down the poking / boning of his woman.
in consideration therefore, people should keep their clothes on and zippers closed.
i heard about a guy whose women was sited coming out of a hotel with another man. the man’s friend did the siting and told his friend about the event.
the man asked his squeeze about the motel event. she denied it and he believed her. i think she is still sweating 9 years later.
there is a continuing need to keep the pants on on the zippers closed.
the option is to get permission from your spouse. however, its highly unlikely permission will ever be granted.
LOL@Changemelord. Love the nic! Well, I’ve been there, done that. It all depends. Is he really sorry and does he want to work things out? It sounds like he does. So, what I did was to say to him, "What comes around, goes around and I guess it’s my time to bite the bullet". (So to speak). Most people go to marriage counselors who are very effective in charging enormous fees and then deciding that you need to spend more money on a divorce. Forget that stuff. It’s time for EVERYBODY to grow up and accept that they are not perfect in this world. We can hope for better things in the afterlife, however. But you need details, I know. It’s time for you to become the hottest woman on Planet Earth and make him wonder what he ever saw in another woman. Be the Devil on Saturday night with him and a Saint on Sunday morning while at church.
OK, maybe you’re NOT thinking of cheating, but you want to know if your husband would be as forgiving and patient as you have been with him. Right? There was a time in my marriage when I was extremely neglected and lonely. I admitted to my husband that I wanted to be with someone else. I didn’t actually have anybody lined up, but I came so close to actually going through with it. It really hurt my husband and this is what led HIM to cheat on ME, he did it out of hurt. Maybe what I did could also be considered cheating. I don’t know. Afterwards he felt so guilty he told ME to go out and go through with it and cheat on him, he wouldn’t hold it against me. I didn’t though and it feels really good to know that I am still only for him. It feels good to work on this marriage, and to honor my vows, and my God! Stay strong girl!
understand their hurt, accept their remorse if they have any.
realise that now the scores are ‘even’, you can both begin again now without any power imbalances or inequity.
it should actually be easier to start again together now you’ve both done it than if just one did, although i can imagine it just brings back all the ugly feelings from the first cheaters experience (which is ultimately the worst as it was the first to sour the marriage).
it’s a good time to start afresh.
Well, I cheated on my husband and I was caught. We worked things out and I haven’t even wanted to do it again. I’m in love with him and I feel disgusting for what I did. We’re both in the navy and he’s on a ship. He once told me he almost slept with a hooker to get revenge on me but reconsidered after thinking about catching a disease. He was drunk and said he wouldn’t do it. I don’t believe he would do it, but if he did cheat on me, I would forgive him as he once forgave me. But you only get that one chance. If I cheat on him again, my butt is on the curb. I know this and so should your spouse. If he does it again, he should be out of your life.
I would be hurt and very upset but I would work it out. (That is actually what I did)
Now…after living and learning I say don’t take it. Get out while you can.
I would give one chance. I cheated on my husband once and it was only a kiss, however I felt so guilty about it the next day that i told him. Now, if i foun out he cheated on me it would only be fair that i give him a second chance.
I would never cheat on my husband again, I"ve been punished enough living with the guilt from the first time.
Hi all. It’s really interesting reading the posts on this blog. I recently discovered that my wife was having an affair and it nearly ended the marriage. She explains that she was just ‘looking for a friend’ and one thing led to another. To be honest, I had considered cheating on my wife several times over that past few years…but I never acted on them.
I can’t explain why some people cheat and others don’t…but I really do beleive that it stems from the need for emotional fullfillment. The committments that we all made to our spouses was both emotional and sexual. We are meant for monogamy because of our emotional reactions to our foolish impulses.
The truth is this….regardless of wether we love some one or not….it is extremely difficult to repair the breaking of our emotional and sexual trust. Cheating on your spouse to get back at them is vindictive and an feeds directly back into the emotional abuse that led them to cheat on you in the first place. Cheating is simply wrong. Any mistake can be repaired.
Here’s my advice….treat your spouse like the king or queen that they are…..feed their emotional and sexual desires….and they will feed your emotional and sexual desires….stop making excuses (we all know what we need to be doing for each other)….pay attention to yourself and your spouse….cheating is bullshit and a cheap and easy way to fullfill your needs….everything worth having is worth working for.