Do you have to be in love with your spouse?
… Because I’m not. My husband and I are at a crossroads and we’re about to sign the papers to get a divorce. I could more or less tolerate a life with the guy, but my early expectations and hopes were quickly shattered as soon as we married.
When you pick a partner, you want to marry with high expectations … but what about deciding whether to divorce? He doesn’t cheat, or drink, or gamble, or do drugs, or hit me or stay out all night. He’s got god-awful issues but is a melodramatic version of your average imperfect person. I too am a jerk but not as much of a jerk (in my opinion). So do we stay together for the sake of the kid we had together? Or do I divorce him because I feel like I can’t breathe when he’s around?
Anyone out there not in love but staying married because it’s the mess you got yourself into? Anyone out there high-tailed it out and doesn’t regret it?
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Tagged with: Crossroads • divorce • Drugs • god • High Expectations • Imperfect Person • Jerk • love • Sake
Filed under: Catch A Cheater
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marriage isnt suppose to be happily ever after. It takes work. Love is just a fictious made up hallmark word. compatibility is more what love should feel like. doesnt sound like you are. get a divorce. FAST.
here is something you could think about…
you could do worse.
If there is no love?
Best to depart and move on!
Yes you have to be in love and love the person you are with
or else marriage life gunna suck as…
You cant stay in a marriege with someone if there is no love there! If you are miserable so are the children.
Staying together for children is not a good thing! You cannot teach your children how to be a strong, independent, proud and confident person when they are watching their parents have an unhappy life, especially if you fight a lot!!
I believe that you can stay married even if you don’t think that you are in love, but you do need to have a certain level of respect, love, and caring for someone to raise a child with them.
pretty much im in your situation with 2 kids.. but ive finally reached my breaking point
I was one to run not walk… I ran 3 times to the divorce. I never once regretted it, I had one girl with my first ex, one girl with my second ex… thankfully no kids with my third mentally abusive ex. Now I have 4 girls living at home with me and my wonderful terrific new husband. What I learned from my last ex is it is time to leave when you lose your smile… I missed my smile, but not anymore.
Normally when we decide to marry a person it is because at that particular moment they were the love of your life and you couldn’t bear not being with them. Marriage should be for better or worse. It is important to remember that everyone has imperfections. We just learn to tolerate and deal with those imperfections in the person we are in love with. By the same token, I am sure your spouse might have things he has grown to tolerate in you. I am not saying to stay in this just because of the kids but truly consider the fact that "the grass isn’t always greener on the other side" and unfortunately yes, the kids will be the ones to suffer in the end.
You have to get a divorce so that your child can see and feel a healthy relationship.
Well i high tailed her butt out . Life is a highway and allot like driving . Step on the gas and steer your way though but don’t get lost.
Is it really something that cannot be worked out between you both. so he really acts like his sh*t don’t stink or what? Because i don’t really understand what you are saying i can’t quite give you an answer. So what exactly are your high expectations of your marriage, were they too high or were they just expectations that are normal for a marriage. But if u believe there is no way to work this out than do what u need to do but remember sometimes all it can take is a changed mind set and maybe lower expectations to get your marriage back. but like i said i really don’t understand the whole situation. good luck
If you have a kid, then you should try to stick it out is what my gut tells me to say. BUT it sounds like you have some pretty unrealistic expectations of what "love" is. According to most marriage counselors, love works like a wave with high points and low points. Most research has shown that every two years, the typical feelings of "love" towards another person take a nose dive. Anthropologists attribute this to the fact that it takes about 2 years to raise a child to the point that it is viable enough to survive. Back before marriage and commitment, the man would stay around long enough to raise the baby (about 2 years) and then leave and the woman would finish it. Some people think that this desire remains in our genetic makeup and that’s why love disappears after about two years…the good thing is, it often reappears later. However, if you are unable to get through this period or you never truly loved your husband to begin with even though he is loyal and sounds like a decent enough man, then you should divorce. It is not good for a kid to grow up in a home where two parents are "jerks"…I don’t know. It’s ultimately up to you. If you and your husband feel that it is not working out and will never work out then it would be a good idea to get a divorce.
staying for the kids doesn’t work and the kids know what is going on and even they wish the marraige would end to end the misery. i would leave the marraige if there is no love. life is too short to not be happy and you will suffer unhappiness if you stay. find a man that you love and want to be with,and even your kids will be happy.
do what ever makes you happy. the problem with you is you have expectations, what about his expectations?
If you can walk away from the marriage with NO regrets or longing for the guy..Then go ahead and divorce him…but if theres ANY chance one of you is in love it is worth a try…you should explore all avenues before divoring your husband..it can be more painful than death for some
Alot of people now have always mistaken in the path that they are taking. Married and divorce could be a mutual thing if people in their family have divorce history, your dad is divorce, your mum is divorce and remarry and divorce, your sister is divorce, your brother is divorce and you yourself is married and divorce 3 more times. Marriage is something that you have to decide carefully before you commit yourself. especially where there is a child who is maybe less than a year old involve here . Marriage is not like a game, win or lose, but its about life time commitment and going through together bad times and good times. If someone who has only been married a year and asked for divorce?? because he could tell you the truth that he never did love his spouse from the beginning of their relationships, but marry for feeling sorry?? don’t you think it wil effect another person life if the person that you marry has never been married before and need to learn what it takes to be married? and while the other partner has been married many times he or she could have lead a good example right??
are you kidding, life is tough, marraige is no picnic, but this dude has given you no reason to divorce him, you took vows before God [even if it was a justice of the peace], and you are accountable to keep those vows, love changes as time goes by, romance fades in and out, you got to be strong, commited.