Extramarital affair Advice
There is one thing that you should be aware of when it comes to infidelity and cheating. When people have extramarital affairs, their sex is actually not that hot.
The spouse cheated upon need not idealize the sexual encounter between his/her cheating spouse and the other person. Those describing their extramarital affair in infidelity coaching often portray a less than satisfying sexual encounter.
Yesterday two of my coaching calls were with those whom had the extramarital affair.
Both of them hugely regret the marital infidelity. Not only that, they explicitly described their sexual encounters.
And, their sexual encounters left them cold. Literally!
The first was a male who seemingly struggled through extramarital affair #6: I need to prove my desirability. He described a life-long pattern of struggle with self-esteem. (Now, this is not news - most of us at some level question our esteem - but for him, it was more intense.)
He found someone (or maybe was was found by someone) 15 years younger who flattered him. It felt good. The flirtatious relationship lasted for some months. He reported that they “tried” to have sex on a couple occasions. The result was terribly unsatisfying and only compounded his guilt.
The second person was a female who also encountered someone 15 or so years her junior. She was traumatized to the extent that she felt like it “wasn’t her.” She did remember that he was unable to get an erection. I’m now working with her and her husband to “makeover” their relationship.
I bring this up to help those of you who think that the sex your spouse/partner had with the other person was something just a tad short of stupendous, or maybe was indeed a stupendous event. (Sex perhaps was on one level “good” - at least from their perspective - but this is only true for particular kinds of affairs.) Actually, I believe sex can NEVER be as good in an extramarital affair as it truly can be in a committed relationship founded on truth and integrity. But, perhaps more of that later.
Please keep in mind that you may indeed be idealizing their sexual encounters.
Many of you have difficulty shaking thoughts and vivid images of your spouse having wall-banging sex with the other person. This is OK. It’s normal. Our culture sends a plethora of distorted messages concerning sex. One of them is: sex is “hot” when you are with your affair partner. Not true!
I hope this little quickie get’s your mind reality based. Below you’ll find some additional articles from people who have views on different types of extramarital affairs.
Many men have their suspicions, but they are not sure how to deal with it. They might join online “how to catch a cheating wife” forums to communicate with other men in the same situation, or they desperately try to figure out what infidelity warning signs to look for.
Tips that your Girlfriend is Cheating
If for some reason you woke up with a doubt in your head, and you think your wife or girlfriend is cheating, before attacking and confronting her you must be pretty sure of that.
How To Catch Your Wife Cheating
How to catch you wife cheating can be an awful process to go through but for men who suspect they have a cheating spouse the need to know and be sure is an immediate concern as the not knowing is often worse than finding out the truth.
Think Your Wife is Having an Extramarital Affair?
Now, if your wife is displaying any of these signs, it could be an indicator that your wife is having an extramarital affair, or it could just be that she is going through one of [...]
About the author:
Dr. Huizenga, the Infidelity Coach, offers infidelity help and relationship advice for coping with extramarital affairs and marital infidelity at: Break Free-From-the-Affair.com and Infidelity-help.com. Get articles and free downloads on emotional infidelity, coping with infidelity, the cheating spouse, signs of an affair, surviving infidelity and more.
| By Dr. Robert Huizenga Published: 10/17/2006 |
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