How do I catch a cheating spouse?
OK heres the deal my husband is a really good looking guy! he has cheated before. We have been together since I was 15 I’m 29 now we have 2 kids. He works for a really big company and his work gives all there empoyees cell phones with walkie talkie he knows there is no way that I can track his walkie talkie calls he erases them on a daily bases. He never works like 9-5 he always comes in at different times. He also gets paid salary so theres no way that I can track his hours of work 
I DO NOT have enough money for a private investigator. Someone please tell me what I can do to find out if my husband is seeing someone. I do have like a disgusting feeling in the pit of my stomach that he is. I have met his secretary twice the last time was at the christmas party and one of my husbands friends from work said something to him about her when she walked by but I could not make out what he said. God I sound pathetic!!! I just have so much invested in this. HELP
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Tagged with: cell phones • cheating spouse • christmas • christmas party • different times • enough money • god • good looking guy • last time • money • private investigator • salary • stomach • walkie talkie
Filed under: Catch A Cheater
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First I’m really sorry you are in this position and feel this way, I know it must be hard. Secondly you need to evaluate why you feel this way… i’m guessing its bc you never got over the first affaif? Completely understandable. But even if he’s not cheating this time are you ever going to be able to get over the first time? IF no, do you really need to know if he’s cheating AGAIN? Well Since you asked for ways to catch him i’ll help you BUT ONLY bc he’s cheated before… if i thought you were being a paranoid wife i would not give you this advice : ) My best friend was in a similair situation She swore her hubby was cheating, I really didn’t think he was, she put a voice activated tape recorder under the seat of his truck (taped it to the bottom) and recorded his phone calls and where he was REALLY going during "work". I thought she was crazy BUT she did end up recording his conversation with his mistress, i guess she’s not as crazy as i had thought! Hope this helps and Good luck!
if you have to ask… you already know. question is what are you gonna do when you have the proof…
Call the show Cheaters!!! Or take him to the Maury show and make him take a lie detector.
Ask one of your friends to help follow him. Show up unexpectedly at his work. Or the best thing… talk to him about your concerns.
Follow him………borrow someones car, wait for him to leave the plant and see where he goes…..take a camera and make sure you have proof before confronting him.
It sounds like you know already… you may be able to hire an amateur for cheap? It is the only real way to get proof. Get them to follow him to work, pay them 10 bucks an hour, make sure they have a digi cam, and if they get some proof u will pay them a bonus. Shouldn’t be anywhere near as expensive as a PI.
GL. and be strong.
The only way is to obtain proof. I am a CA license investigator and if your interested, I can help. I’m almost 99% sure he may also be going to lunch with her. That might be the only way to find out.
http://www.aninvestigations.net
You did not say a single thing in your question to indicate he was having an affair. So he sees a nice looking woman and a co-worker notices her too; it’s something guys do. Besides that, you haven’t said anything other than he’s good looking and he works strange hours.
ASK HIM!! He’s your husband, he’s the one who married you and had kids with you. He’s the one you can count on to support you and be there for you when you need him. Right?? So, now you’re having a tough time; sure it’s about him and his fidelity. But as difficult as it may be, you should be able to approach him and talk about it. Tell him what you’re thinking and feeling in a way that only you know how to do. After all, you’ve known him for half you life!
Yes, you sound pathetic but it doesn’t mean that you are. Talk to your husband about things. That’s why he’s in your life.
first Pray
and ask God if he is being untrue
to show you
God doesn’t want you to hurt
Put a voice activated tape recorder in his car every night. Check every night, if he is messing around it’s a good chance he will talk to her before work
Don’t listen to these people. Explain to him that it is not working becasue there is no trust. His phone being deleted daily is a problem. Lay it down. Tell him that judging on his past behaviors that waht he is doing is unacceptable and if he wants to make it work, wether you are crazy or not, that he must not be discreet. he screwed up in the past and is still paying pennance. Whether it is right or wrong, it is fact.
Where there is smoke there is fire. Do not worry about whether he is cheating or not cheating and with whom. Worry about what you will tolerate and what you need from him in your marriage and negotiate that. Tell him not to bother coming home until he is ready to work with you to make it one. Ask your husband if he wants to be married or not and tell him he is free to go if he does not. If he plans to stay married, then he needs to get in the game and make his family a priority. He can’t have both. Ask him to chose and let him know you are not willing to live the way you are living. I guess you could go to some of the "how to catch a cheating spouse" sites (there are many) and buy some spyware and bug his car or clothing, but the fact is that there are enough warning bells going off to tell you there is a real problem, whether it is a woman or the marriage or both. You are not pathetic whatsoever. You just need to know where you stand so you can plan your life with our without him. He needs to either get in the marriage or get out. See a counselor. Whether he is cheating or not cheating, is time for you two to sit down and agree on how to run your life so that your needs are met in this marriage. You don’t deserve this.
Check his cell phone, his internet history, emails. Talk to his friends, its unlikely they will tell you if hes cheating, but they may talk about things that don’t match the stories hes told you. Start to surprise him at work or at his other sporting activities etc-he may not be where he claims to be. Check his bank statements. Look for any changes in behaviour-positive or negative ones.
If he is cheating, it will come out eventually.
Don’t be afriad to divorce him if he is-DO NOT ’stay’ for the sake of your kids. My parents split (eventually!) & it was a god send!
You can try a few things.
Do you have friends, or family, that would help you? If you could - have him checked out at lunch times .. and other hours at the office by friends .. and yourself when you can without him knowing. Also - do you have friends who might know anyone who works in the building? … they might know someone who would know info.
Then .. you could invest in some things like putting a tiny recorder in his car where it could not be detected .. this would probably give a world of information - because this is probably where he does a lot of his talking. You could also put one in the house - and leave him home alone at times to let his talk if he does it.
If you have a computer at home … put a key-logger on it . The key-logger would let you see everything he does online.
Find out what his other habits are - then check on them when he leasts expects it - and will not know it. Think about when it would be possible for him to see someone .. then determine how you could check it out.
It might be well worth it, to just talk to a PI - and see what their costs would be. Check with different ones.
Also - always check his cell phone because he might forget to erase something. Also - always check your phone bill .. and auto-redial after he uses the phone.
Don’t accuse him. Catch him. In order to do that - you will have to workout a way to check him out.
Well, have you ask him? Try and distract him away from his phone, before he clears it. BUT, will it make a difference? Will you know who’s #’s they are? Heck, Contact the show ‘Cheaters" they will follow him, But do you really want to know, Not putting you down, but it sounds like you don’t want to give up the life style you have, either. (Invested).
Why I say that, Is because I went thru the same thing. I forgave him, because, I didn’t want to have to struggle and have nothing. And I did love him, I looked at my self to see if I could improve my self in any way. I did loose wt. and improved my self, Now he doesn’t want anyone to look or talk to me because, of fear someone might sway me away from him. YOU can get a baby sitter and borrow a different car and follow him. But….. get ready to feel bad and apologize, or get ready to feel bad and decide, what you want.
The problem is that you are looking at your husband to solve the problem when its really you that can easily solve your own problem..
Even if you find out… You still have the same problem….. EVEN if you find out that he is NOT having an affair… You still have the same problem….
That disgusting feeling in the pit of your stomach will not let go of you for this man or any other man… .
So what to do?
How about relaxing first… Your husband sleeps with you at night… let that be good enough… Take comfort in knowing you are doing everything you can to keep him interested.. You are so into him you don’t have time to worry about that secretary… You are just going to worry about him and you.. No one else….
I know its not easy… What I am asking you to do… I know it is far easier to destroy a relationship with unreasonable fears and imaginary problems… But my point is this: So what if they are real…. So what if he does have a girlfriend… Going to kick him out? Get a divorce? Make a living on your own? Cool… If that’s what you want to do… But you will still have that same problem until you can relax be cool with who you are and where you are in life.
You don’t have to relax on your own… You can involve your hubby too! Remember you are not going to let your fears bother you anymore… Next time you two are chatting tell him: Hey you know what? I love you so much I really don’t care if you have a girlfriend… Just as long as you come home to me…
Now you can relax after telling him that… No more disgusting feeling in your stomach….
But if your hubby does have a girlfriend… Now he will have that feeling… Not you…
Once a cheater always a cheater.
Buy spy ware.
Follow him.
Place booby traps in his car.
Smell his underwear.
Look at his back for scratches or nicks.
Look at the bottom of his socks for lint from a rug or woman’s hair.
Send a make believe greeting card to him without a return address to your home.
Send him a decoy to his job.
Get a STD test.
Look under the seat and behind the seat cushions for condoms.
Look in the trunk under the tire for condoms.
Look in the trunk behind the brake lights for condoms.
Stay up late one night at 12 midnight. I did when I use to be married. I never caught my EX cheating but I always had that gut feeling. After 2 years after my divorce it was true he cheated.
We know some of the best hours of cheating is 12am-2am and 7am-9am. How do I know is cuz I had several affairs with men who were available only at that time?
Do you have separate cars? If so, follow him one day unless the kids are too young for you to spy on him. I would set some traps in his car like an empty soda can on the front floor. If it gets thrown out of the car or place in the back seat than someone sat in that front seat. Unless it was someone from work. Place a piece of clear tape on the passenger door handle to where it cannot be seen. Take some baby powder and shake it over the handle and see if you can notice long thin finger imprints. Sure it may not work if he takes his buddies out to lunch. Once you find out if he’s cheating what will you do? If you keep him you know you can never complain to anyone about his cheating. You have accepted the first affair of cheating and if you plan to accept the second or fifth affair of cheating than you have no one to ask what you should do when you knew about his cheating when it first started, right? What a tangled web wee wee…