Is he a cheater or a lier? Should I set up another profile to catch my spouse cheating?
I don’t like to play games but I am so scared that my spouse is going to cheat on me. We are like best friends and get along great. We have both been cheated on by an ex before and we worked on our trust issues for a long time. We got to a place that I was confident in our trust and I appreciate him so much for getting through that with me. We have been together for almost three years waited till we were married before having our child.
He recently looked up a girl he liked and I caught him and it turned in to a huge fight. I was really calm about it but he flew off the handle. I just wanted the truth and it took me 3 days to get it out of him. I kept my cool around him because I didn’t want a sympathetic " I’m sorry". We have shared our computer passwords but it didn’t stop him from deleting the history.
While we are out he checks out girls and it is obvious, and I feel disrespected, but I don’t make a scene. I have worked on my jealousy and I understand the whole "spreading seed" instinct of men. I just wait until we can sit down and talk respectfully and I address it then. Before this recent incident we used to go to strip clubs together and I offered to "excite" our sex life.
I come from parents that fight often and I don’t want to be "nagging" so I have worked super hard on my self control. I don’t want to mess with his head but I feel like I have to find out if he is going to cheat. He was a military man and he is smart. I don’t know if this is a first or if I was just trying to be too much of a "good wife" and blinded myself. I have been asking him if I could improve myself or if i haven’t been doing something for him or if there is something we wants me to stop doing. He says that there is nothing and tells me he is sorry. He says I am doing fine and Im a great wife. I am not fat and I’ve been told "I look like JLO" which I take as great compliment!
I am at a loss because we made a promise that we would not lye even if it is hard; and I’ve caught him lying several times, an they have all been about girls. When he slips and I confront him on his lye’s, it doesn’t seem they are anything to fib about. I used to just blow it off, but now I need to know because we have a 1 year old and I don’t want to put her through a messy relationship like I went through. We understand the we will change and are not promising to be together forever.
However, my spouse is an exceptional man otherwise; a great father and a generous friend to me. We connect on many different levels and have fun together. I know that he loves me and would give his life for me.
But I made a promise to myself that I would not let anyone make a fool of me twice.
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My first husband has a roaming eye and this can really take a toll on a girls self esteem. You "shouldn’t" get upset with him looking if you actually take him to a strip club to "look at naked woman"
Bad move. You are coming off as desperate. He will respect you, when you respect yourself and stand up for yourself. Its seems you are letting certain things get by just in order to say "me and my husband dont argue" Disagreements are healthy. If your husband thinks your a maid. You have to tell him your not. If your husband"s head spins around like Linda Blair in the exorcist every time a cute tight booty goes by, you have to say something. Men are like puppies, so roll up your news paper sweetie and start disciplining that dog.
remember,in sickness an in health for richer or for poorer in good times an in bad,this just happens to be one of those bad times. SWEET MILDRED IS IN THE HOUSE…CRAWL INTO HER PLAYPEN
Maybe he’s one or both, idk. Get to marriage counseling. The military should have some function for that in their ranks. If not, then find a good one in the community.
There are too many issues here to really help you beyond that, I think. But, I hope you guys are able to work it out, AND I think it must have taken loads of self-control for you to keep it together, in light of your upbringing. Keep working hard at it and do get professional help because it does work a great deal!
Please keep in mind your husband is an ADULT. He deserves your respect and trust, UNTIL HE BREAKS IT. Until that point, you should respect him. A lot of times, he will withdraw and not tell you things simply because you are acting more like an overbearing parent, and he feels trapped and accused of things he hasn’t done. If he says you’re a great wife, believe he’s telling the truth.
If he was cheating (but still wanting to stay), he would tell you something you could work on to see if you would improve…like maybe more sex or something. But in general, men just want a little personal space so they can feel like they are in control!! so let him delete his history - he only does it so you don’t control everything. If you make another profile, it will just make you even more overbearing and petty. TRUST your man.
He wants to have his cake and eat it too…. Not too smart of you to have anything like strip clubs in your relationship. You’ll see quickly where that will lead you.
I don’t know what to tell you but it doesn’t look good…. Sorry…
The problem with jealousy is that it makes you look like a fool. Don’t let jealousy keep the past alive. The other problem with jealousy is that it will eventually push him to actually do what you are jealous of. It can easily make you into a self fulfilling prophecy.
So perhaps redefining this jealousy thing might be helpful. Consider it ‘relationship insecurity’ when he is checking out other women. How does he react if you check out other guys? The same way? If you both have this issue in common, have you explored counseling as an option?
In psychobabble terms, these are transference and projection issues and many a marriage has fallen apart as a result of not dealing with these issues properly. Thus, my suggestion to get professional help.
Don’t let your jealousy make a fool of you anymore and don’t let it wreck your relationship(s). Find a good counselor.
Yes
Set up another account and get that bastard!