Need advice on cheating spouse?
OK, caught him redhanded…finally last week after 9 months of suspecting and knowing without proof. Wouldn’t take his calls or return his text messages for 2 days and he KEPT trying. This is the most attention he has given me in months. I made him take an available apratment and he moved in yesterday. Just sleeping on the floor there. So, we finally start talking and he asks what he needs to do, to make this right. Before he got the apartment I told him, you have to take me in front of her, and tell her she was a mistake and it’s over, that you love me and am going to prove it to me. He said he would do it, but hadn’t since Friday, so I made him take the apartment. Yesterday, I broke down on the phone crying and for once in 9 months he cared how I felt, he came over immediately and just held me for a couple hours and told me he was going to make things right for me. I felt so good, but now today is another day and he hasn’t done anything yet. She just thinks we are separated and probably thinks or maybe told that he is going to be with her. Every day is VERY hard, because he works with her. He is a service tech and she is the secretary. She takes the service calls and talks to him a few times a day. They have met for sex at her lunch time and after work. I don’t feel I should go another day without him doing what I asked. I told him I wasn’t going to let him hurt me anymore last week, and now I have put myself in a worse position of being hurt. I know what your all going to say, but Truly, last night, I had back the husband that I married and the wonderful man I lived with for 9 years before this. He was caring and sensitive and so loving. He hasn’t been like that in probably a year. He said he didn’t even know what he’d been doing and he must be stupid or something. Everything was right and I know my husband very well and I know he was sincere last night, BUT today is a horrible sick feeling once again. How long should I wait. I know he wants to fix this marriage, but he is a kind person and I know he doesn’t want to cruelly hurt her, but he has to put me first…NOW…right
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i know 100% how you are feeling. my husband cheated on a yr ago in december. i was sick for a while. we are still together i still havent fully recovered but i know he was sorry for what he did and he has shown me. the sick feeling you have will fade, that is intuition and i think he isnt completely threw with the affair. when i got sick like that at first it was my gut telling me he was still talking to her, but it finally went away and i knew he wasn’t talking to her anymore. then came the depressed feeling that made me sick, but it went away to. it does get better, but i tell you the first 3 months of this year are months i hope one day i don’t remember. being cheated on is worse than mourning a death.
the part about him talking to her, that was what i was talking about he was trying to get rid of her in a nice way but she went coo-coo, and i finally just told him flat out, her or me my feelings are more important than hers, so he called her and flat out said i love my wife stay away from me and that was the end of it. i guess she finally got the pic.
her piece of a** she gave him ws nothing compared to the life we share. GOOD LUCK (sorry so long)
Why did you not follow your intuition and now you’re hurt even more becaus Ah-hah you caught them in the act–I just don’t understand this with people. Get rid of him and he is not that kind of a person because he had no respect for you or your feelings–you need to get a better self esteem. This guy is a jackass loser.
WOW.. You have given him a open opportunity to continue his relationship with the other women by having him get his own apartment. Why would you want to stay with a man who has cheated on you and is still working along side her. Taking about having his cake and eating it. If he was caring, sensitive and so loving. He wouldn’t have thrown 9 years of marriage away by cheating!
He is saying that because he is realizing he is loosing you. He wil go back to his old cheating way once he has you back in his home. Once a cheater always a cheater. Move on…
Ahhh… I’m sorry. I am dealing with something similar. My H had a short affair with his co worker. They still work together after she said she woudl leave in July. Still there! I hate the fact that they work together. First there has to be no contact. Second, your H has to show total remorse. If he doesn’t it will happen again or he won’t end it. Your H needs to tell this woman to leave him alone because he is working on his marriage. You need to see a marriage counselor if you want to try and work through it. Do this ASAP. It’s been 6 months for me and I am still struggeling. I have 2 babies with him and I feel I have to try and work it out for them. They didn’t deserve this. If I didn’t have kids, I don’t think I would be here. I honestly don’t know if it will work anyways. Cheating is a death to a marriage.
Sweetie last night you thought you had back the husband you married.
Truth is he is a dog. Honestly if he wanted things to work out with you he would of done everything you asked including going the additional step of looking for another job. He never once cared about how you felt because he cheated on you for 9 months… It was not a fling but a relationship of some sorts.
You need to move on from this man and find someone who is deserving of your love… This asshole sure isn’t!
Good Luck
Madam some people cheat no matter how wonderful and sincere and kind they are. They either never learned boundaries as young people and their spouses tolerated their cheating for years, why should he stop now because you needed proof of what you have known all along. As far as the drama of confronting the other woman, I find this only entertaining and funny. Especially, since the other women probably know he is married and might just like married men. He is not going to change unless you both go to therapy and it will be a long process. Of course none of this means you have to leave your marriage, you just need to rearrange your thinking and decide what you are going to allow and let your husband know if you are not taking his crap anymore - he must seek serious help.
Im not going to tell you to leave him or get a divorce.If you love somebody fight for the marriage or the relationship.If things still dont work out then at least you know you tried to make things work
you need to file for divorce and find somone else. you need to respect yourself mom as a person and not put up with that…and also..you are going to go around second guessing him all the time. and that my dear…is not fair to you at all.
we are in the same position and they are also work together and my husband admitted it but its really hard to forget and forgive.
I want to divorce him ,my heart my mind and i felt betray but i have 2 kids to consider .I need to prioritize them since hes a good father to them so what i did i told him we can be together but i don’t know how long should i take to be with you.
he is sincere but then whenever i see him i cant forget what he did to me and il just keep silence and not to sleep in the night while hes sleeping and sleep in the morning while hes at work.
If you have kids give him the 2nd Chance but he will not change just like my husband.
sooner or later i will divorce him.Im just taking my time and action.
its up to you
Well, in this case, he has to cruelly hurt someone. Is he going to hurt you–again–or is he going to hurt her–for the first time? I find it amazing that he cares for her feelings when he very clearly did not care for yours.
I understand you love him and want this to work, but for 9 months, you were suspicious and probably unhappy at the fact your hubby MIGHT have been cheating on you. Now you know for sure…do you really want to keep wondering if he’s still doing it? It’s gonna be hard to move on because you obviously love him, but he works with her and talks to her daily. You are always gonna wonder if they’re sending signals to each other.
You are better off letting him go. You really don’t want more heartache, right? How do you know he won’t hurt you again?
Cheating one time and a continious relationship are two different things. If he really loves you he should not worry about hurting her. If he wants to show you he loves you the first thing he needs to do is find another job. Your marriage can never work if he talks to her everyday. You are never going to feel alright about that. He should be crawling at your feet right now, trying to do everything and anything to make it right. If he is not you need to question his motives. He might want to leave you but does not want to hurt you. You say you know your husband and you know he was being sincere, but did you know him well enough to know he would cheat?
My husband cheated on me, it was a one time thing with some b**** he met at a bar. I left him and for 7mo he begged and cryed and stayed drunk and called me all hours of the day and morning and begged and begged and begged. He lost a lot of weight and almost lost his job. This is how i knew he was sorry and wanted to make it right.
Look deep into your heart and into his actions. I wouldnt waste much more time you are worth more than that.
I feel so bad for you, and I understand how you feel as my ex cheated on me. But for me it was a deal-breaker. I turned to myself for comfort, did a lot of soul searching, and discovered some nice things about myself that did more for my self-esteem than he ever had. I hope that you will take this time to work on yourself FOR yourself, and if you think it is worth saving, than do the work to save your marriage. Just make sure that’s what you both want, because Goddess knows it can’t work if you both aren’t in it to win it. He needs to defer to your wishes and it will take a lot of hard work on both of your parts to rebuild the trust that has been lost. Good luck, hon. I wish you the best
Wrong.
Here are some statistics.
1. Only 20% of marriages with betrayal last even 2 years, and that is with both in counseling, and both hoping to save it.
2. If marriage is Trust, Respect, Admiration and Passion, the Trust, sweetie is gone with the Passion getting shared…. and the other two are in the toilet as well. You no longer have a loving marriage… it is all crap. And likely it is because most women can’t get over the eeeewwwwwww factor. Cheating is the lowest cut in a relationship… the absolute lowest. It means that he abandoned his love of you as an entire person….. thinking with his little head rather than his big one.
3, There is more truth than anyone would like to admit—"Once a cheater always a cheater."
Sincere? Only until you catch him again. And only you know if you are willing to stay living with someone you just can’t trust… only you.
OMG This is only the begining of long journey of sadness and confusion for you b/c now your mind is gonna "F" wi your emotions…
Incidently YOU may only know of this one time b/c of catching him red handed, how many times do you think they have been together and how many others do you think he has been with ?????
Those are the Questions that are going to haunt you and eventually lead to your seperation, UNLESS, of course, you are guilty of it as well???
He knows he has a good thing with you and is willing to do anything to get that back and right now, you have control of these decisions you are about to make… So, make the right ones and do what is necessary for your personal happiness…
I am so so so sorry. You know what you have to do…
I can’t believe you are saying that he is a kind person. Did he care how cruelly he hurt you? NO he didn’t.
From personally experience and the experiences of others I have known in my 54 yrs. I can tell you that you will never get over this. It will nag at you and your resentment will build up until the marriage finally ends. And all the time before it does will be periods of unhappiness and suspicion.
Sweetie no matter how much you want things to be right again with your husband nothing will ever feel the same. Even if he did take you with him to confront this woman it would not mean anything because it was not his suggestion and the woman may only feel that he has to say that because he was put under the gun. After this he would still be going to work and seeing her everyday giving him time to explain to her that you made him do this so he could save face with her. Then she may even be more determined to take him from you for the challenge of it? This was not a one night stand because he has been going on with her for 9 months and the only reason that it stopped for possibly the moment was because you caught him red handed and took the excitement out of it for both of them. Sometimes that can work to your advantage but only if they never see one another again and since they are employed at the same place that is not going to happen. The two of them seeing each other for almost a year would be more than I could take and loving my husband or not it would be hard for me to him back under all the circumstances involved here. Even if we could work this out it would take some severe marriage counseling in dealing with the devastation it caused me emotionally and and physically because I would be wrecked from ever seeing my world with him the way it used to be.It takes a lot of energy from someone to keep up with an affair that could have been put into our marriage by him making our relationship better. It’s sad how selfish a spouse can behave when they are caught up in the pleasure of someone elses arms never thinking about the consequences of their actions untill they are faced to do so. If they can be this sorry after they choose to cross the line with you then you know they knew better not to go there in the first place but went there anyway not caring about what affect it would have on you. I am sure that the only excuse he has for his actions now is that he knows he was stupid or something but …he did know what he was doing and he did it and this answer would not be good enough for me. He would have to be more accountable for his behavior than that and that’s the bottom line. I understand that you want things to be right with him because you want him back the way you both used to be but you have to realize that what he done to you has changed everything now. At this moment you are in shock and you need to give yourself time to process all of this because your mind is in a whirlwind about everything. He cannot do anything more to hurt you than he already has so you have nothing left to lose by taking a step back for awhile to get a better picture about how you want the rest of your life to be. I understand that you know him in your heart as being a nice person but he is being cruel to you when he even thinks at this point about sparring her feelings. She knew that he was a married man and when she walked into this situation with him she put herself into the position of getting hurt and that’s her problem sweetie not your husbands. His loyalty shoud be to you first and he never had it at the beginning of this situation and he still does not have it toward you now.