I love my kids and I hate my wife for cheating me for 2years after 13yrs of marriage.Live this hell or leave?
First of all why should anybody forgive a cheater ,especially when they never cared about your feelings till the discovery of infidelity.Just tell me which criminal does not repent his acts if he is caught,but his regret does not waive the punishment .He /she should suffer for his/her acts of indiscretion ,which are more often deliberate.So should the cheater pay for her sins.They will be really sorry only then ,just reliving the whole episode of their fall.Forgiveness ,on the other hand ,should not be given on a platter ,it has to be earned with honest and earnest efforts,else it loses its value in the eyes of these ’serpents in the grass’ called cheaters.Please suggest.
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Tagged with: acts • cheater • cheaters • discovery • earnest efforts • Episode 111 • feelings • forgiveness • grass • hell • indiscretion • infidelity • Love Hate • marriage • serpents • Wife Cheating
Filed under: Infidelity Warning Signs
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Hello Havah,
Part of your question is your answer. If you love your kids, as you put it down, please do take a moment and first of all, think from the point of view of the kids, whether leaving your spouse would affect them in any which way. I believe any sensible person would tell you that your kids would definitely suffer seeing their parents part ways.
Secondly, it is but obvious for you to think and believe that your spouse should suffer because he/she has been disloyal to you. But in the process of making the other suffer, are you not inflicting pain on yourself and also indirectly on the kids? It is true that a sin is a sin and there should be punishment, but are you sure you want to be the person who does it to your spouse?
My mother taught me that the best weapon in this world is "noble revenge" and in your case, the only "noble revenge" I can think of is to let your partner know that you are aware of the extra-marital affair and want to protect the kids from anything falling apart in the relationship. It appears to me that your spouse is unhappy for some reason or another in the relationship he/she has with you and did not bother to talk about it to you. You should go ahead and talk about it. But for this to happen, your frustration has to be put aside and both of you have to think about how the kids would react to your future decisions. Sometimes, communication can do wonders and maybe the spouse would not want to leave or cheat you any longer.
If you think you do not want to talk about this to your spouse and if these things would not work out between you both, then the only thing left for you to do is to just let go. It is hard, I know, to let go of a relationship that has been around for 13 years. But, that seems as the last resort. The only thing you need to take care here is that to make sure that there is minimal impact on your kids because of this separation.
Remember, any relationship is a beautiful chain of pearls, where if one pearl breaks apart, the other pearls will break down and the chain would no longer remain. So, choose wisely and do not let the "frustration - forgiveness- punishment" sentiment destroy your peace of mind. God Bless you.
If you’re unhappy then leave…or have an affair yourself…two can play that game
You must forgive her, but you have every right to leave. Cheating is the drop off. Someone who TRULY TRULYY loves someone wouldn’t cheat. I’m sorry this has happened to you. God Bless!
Forgiving your wife is entirely up to you. It sounds like you have spent a great deal of time thinking about this. There is no good answer to your situation. I know what I would do (leave), but that is me. You have to weigh out the consequences for yourself.
Sorry to say my friend but you have to do the right thing which is divorce. You still will see your kids no matter what. Their mom is showing them a bad example by cheating. Karma will get her.
leave, she cheated , and she should of thought about it. u hate her and that is not healthy for u or ur kids, u can leave her and still be there for u kids and continue to be a good dad. i totally agree, cheater shouldn’t be forgiving, but dont worry what goes around comes around.
talk to your wife.
try to understand what pushed her to do such a thing. figure out is an open relationship could be an answer.
I would personally at least try to salvage part of the relationship for the sake of the kids.
must be very tough for you. but, please try not to be too bitter. that is a recipe for disaster
Hello sir, your right the inner soul feeling doesn’t lie, she is only sorry cause she got caught, esp 2 years, that is not a mistake,or a fling or just experimenting, that is a new separate life she had and would never be sorry if she didn’t get caught, you can love your kids and take care of them,but you don’t need to live or be with there mom to make it happen, I hate when people say they stay cause the kids, that’s B*S, you and your wife will be in the kids life forever, all they need to do to see you guys is just travel to separate house, big deal no one is passing away so they will still have both parents, move on, she didn’t appreciate you for 2 years, so don’t try to appreciate you now that she is caught,you sound lie a wise man who has his head on his shoulder, but if that was me and I found out it was for 2 years, I would’ve been out the same night, kids or no kids, that’s nasty and disrespectful, imagine what she was doing with him for 2 years and came home and kiss you and the kids with that same mouth,if your still there, your not moving fast enough,hopes this help, start the new year off smart and go with your gut and move on
I fell forgive and B’happy with what you have
Were there problems in your marriage, really? Before did you have a open and honest relationship, or were you just existing? If the answer is no get out, you can still love your kids. But forgiveness really isn’t something that has to be earned. Forgivness for someone whos done you wrong and you find it in yourself to forgive them, its really should be a kind of peace for you. Not a prize for the wrong doer.If you get out you will need to find someway to deal with your hurt and anger, or the problems will spill over to your kids. they pickup on more than you think.
It sounds like your spouse is a narcissist who lacks empathy.
My spouse cheated numerous times and l Let me tell you a cheater never changes.
I want to forgive him for my children but I am finding it very difficult to do so.
Good luck and keep the faith!
give your kids a chance to grow up with a mom and dad. in the process do not make life hell for them. they are not responsible for her behavior.
You have to take her as she is or leave her as she is and go away.
There is no viamedia in life.
Stop looking in the wrong place. You are looking at your past, not your future. You are looking to others to validate you instead of yourself. You ACTED LIKE YOU FORGAVE. So you stay as a constant punishment to make remarks, or make faces slam doors and never give her trust.
Now cheating is never right, she should have divorced you if she was not happy with you.
Or If she has never been happy with you THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE LEFT YEARS AGO.
NOW WHO’S MAKING EXCUSES AND JUSTIFYING THEIR BAD BEHAVIOR.Your kids that you love so much cant be happy in that house. Make your HOUSE A HOME and move past this or LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!….. AND DON’T BRING IT UP AGAIN! YOU ARE KEEPING THE CHEATING ALIVE. LET IT GO!!!!!!!!!!
Infidelity results from many things in a bad marriage. What drove your wife to cheat on you? Can you say you have never done something unforgivable to her? No one’s perfect and no one’s innocent.
Forgiveness is something that can’t be earned or given away freely. Both people owe it to each other. If you can’t handle what happened and its a sore point, just get a divorce, be civil towards your wife and treat the children well. Keep them away from this anger.
Frankly it sounds to me like you both had issues. And its entirely possible if you treated her badly enough, she may have thought you cheated on her too. Whether its true or not.
Staying mad at each other though turns your home into a war zone for the kids. Its not their fault or business. So try and be civil with each other. Work it out or get out.
Being angry, hating people, spewing bile, and being bitter on a long term basis will never feel good.
The more you hate her, the more you destroy yourself. So I would say again, fix it between the two of you and forgive, or, get a divorce and let it go. Just stop hating and you’ll see a better future for yourself. Trust me.
Did you talk to your wife about why she cheated? An honest discussion? There’s a few spouses out there who will cheat just for the thrill but most cheaters are looking for something they no longer get in their marriage, be they male or female. If something happens to a marriage, I honestly believe that if the two of you want to work it out, you should seek a marriage counselor. Believe it or not, they really can help. Either way, it’s been 2 years now and it’s obvious you no longer love her. Do you really want your kids growing up in a home filled with hate? This is a difficult decision to make for anyone. Me? I would leave but you’re not me. This is a decision you shouldn’t seek out on a place like Y!A but look instead within yourself. If you want your marriage to work, seek a counselor. If you don’t care for it to work, then leave. Just remember, forgiveness is more for yourself so that you can put it behind you and move on, rather than for the other person. Good luck!
Don’t listen to guess. 2 wrongs do not make a right. Seek counsel first and if you still feel this way, and you have every right, discuss an amicable split so the children don’t get hurt. Be the big person and avoid affairs just to get even because ab innocent woman may get hurt in the cross fire.
SpLitsville is needed NOW!
I am exactly in the same boat. we are married for 12 years with 2 children and she was in love with another for last 5 years and did physical as well. It was stopped after she was caught and she seems to be sorry about it and tells me that she made a mistake and she will do anything to keep the merriage going. I can see her and feel that she will not chet again. I do not see that this is mistake as she never told me her issues and she must have seen me and my kids in last 5 years and had all opportunities to stop it but she did not. Obiviosly, she did not love me but she tells me that she loved me very much but not sure how it happened and all that..
Anyway, I just can not get it over with it and mind movies bothering me so much. It has been 8 months since we found out and we are constantly arguing and mostly it’s my fault cos I can not stop talking/thinking about it. I guess I am one of those people who can not forget such things easily and I know I won’t be able to forget it for long long time..Now big question is whether to stay or leave her… I would have left her long time ago but waited this long just because of kids. One moment I want to stay but thinking about cheating makes me leave..confused to hell and can not make decision..Another big factor plauing is shame, disgrace and my parents. I do not want to go thru community shame, give heart attack to my parents..
I am very strong man but I am loosing here and just waiting here to give me courage to go for divorce..dunno..