Do you think my wife is cheating on me and should I Divorce her?
My life has been really crazy the last few years. I have been married for about 20 years and have known my wife since we were in high school. I am in the thirty something range.
Since 2003, I have lost my mother, father brother, Godfather and a really close friend. My wife is the most important person in my life.
My parents both died from Cancer, my Godfather had lung problems and decided to end his own life. My brother could not cope with all the death in our lives, and chose to end his own life. He left behind two teenage children.
Shortly after my brother’s death, my wife signed up for ‘tagged’. It started out with her just spending a couple hours on the computer chatting with friends.
Then it became an obsession with her. She would have to check her messages, and her friends status as soon as she got up in the morning.
She met another woman on there who she claims is her ‘friend’. This woman calls our house all the time. She leaves messages saying she ‘Misses her and loves her’. I confronted my wife about this and she says they are just ‘friends’.
This woman lives 5 hours from us, and I know she has never been to the house. (I would know).
The thing is, if my wife is not chatting with her ‘friend’ on tagged, she switches over to my yearbook, or yahoo messenger.
My wife and I have always slept in different bedrooms, as I snore. I just recently found out that when she is suppose to be sleeping she is on the phone for 3 to 4 hours with her ‘friend’.
They both have to have ‘web’ cams on when they are talking on the computer, and I notice my wife has to make herself look ‘pretty’.
She sent my wife a ‘friendship’ chain and a pinky ring.
My wife claims it is nothing more than friendship, but quite frankly she spends more time on the computer and phone chatting with this ‘friend’ than she does me.
I have a disability so it is very hard for me to keep up on things around the house, but I am doing the best I can. The thing is, my best isn’t good enough. The house is going to h#ll in a hand basket.
So my question is, do you think my wife is cheating on me and should I divorcer her?
To answer someone’s question, to be exact we have been married 19 years and 7 months. I just rounded it up. I was 19 years old when we married. Really there is nothing odd about that. In fact I am now 38.
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It looks like cheating but it has to be confirmed. To do it, there is no other option than spying on her.
That is a bit rude, but it could avoid you to making a mistake.
You can install a monitoring software in her computer and know what is going on.
Signs like leaving the house going to h#ll or spending more time in the computer than with you are for taking care.
Good luck. I understand what are you going through
Fuck her moms.
you’ve been married for twenty years and you’re only in your 30’s? That’s odd.
sounds like the beginning of possible cheating could be wrong but think so
you two need to talk and try to get words out so you can work it i will pray for you
it is causing you jealousy by the sounds of it, I would be the same way, but I never married so I dont have to deal with this rubbish. I understand how you feel, its like you are being abondoned after all you have lost, she has a marriage to take care off and she is giving her friend more time than you and that is not what she commited to.
Is it about her cheating or your fears? You have to decide really, there are so many factors to decide in divorcing I guess, and there may come a time when you have had enough. You are in deciding mode now, and your hurting, Tell her your feelings and if she doesn’t care then why stay with someone that doesn’t care. You will do fine without her, life goes on enjoy your day
okay i am one who loves chatting and for some people it may be hard to quite after being addicted to it you should try talking to her or maybe go to marrage counsling hope it works out
Welcome to the new age of computers and boy does it change a lot of things in life.
Your wife isn’t cheating on you unless having a friend is cheating.
She is still at home with you, right?
She hasn’t left and not come home, right?
She is just doing what half a million other people are doing, checking out the web and the possibilites of friendship that come with the http://WWW.
She is allowed to have friends I hope.
don’t worry about it. She is still loyal to you.
I would not go to that extreme to think that she is cheating on you, and should NOT get a divorce. You have to pray first, then listen. Now what I am going to tell you is the truth from a woman perspective. I was in the same situation with a boyfriend of mine yrs ago. He had a disability, I was faithful and all. But I needed a outlet. It was fun to talk to my new girlfriend. My old girlfriend were draining. I felt good, and I felt peace and relief from all of the stuff I was SUPPOSE to do. Thats all your wife is doing she is having fun. Let her enjoy herself, she will get bored soon and her life and your marriage will be balanced. Trust me.
We do not know if that is considered cheating. I would call it more "obcessive" than anything else and yes is just as wrong. She is spending more time on the computer than with you and that is sad. Divorce isn’t your answer. You need to have an open line of communication with her. Let her be aware of how you feel and tell her that you want things to work out between you and her. Why don’t you try dating your wife for a change. Make plans to go to a park, movies, etc. Make dinner together and see if that doesn’t change things for you.
I would say, at first it sounds like your wife was looking for some excitement. Now maybe things have developed further with this other woman especially how she lives nearby. It could be lust. I don’t think she has cheated yet, sorry.
Like the soap operas, your story has problems with the scope of time, sequence and possibilily.
Sounds like a great plot, but needs polish.
how are you dealing with all the pain and suffering in your life? from your letter it’s pretty obvious you are a basket case. by your admission the house is in need of repair?. this may be your wife’s way of dealing with all that is happening in her life (that she has absolutely no control over). she obviously has feelings for this other woman. she may love her. she may be in love with her, and she may be just someone that has had similar life disasters. she may be someone your wife feels very comfortable talking to (like her own personal therapist), and this person helps her to remain sane during all this insanity. it’s sorta like her situation. you have no control over her actions or feelings. I would fall back on the old Ann Landers question. would my life be better with her or without her?
It sounds like a friendship to me. My Best Friend AM and I say "I love you" and "I miss you" all the time. We have Ladies night EVERY Friday and we spend tons of time and money on each other. I had only known her personally for a few months, when her birthday came around. I bought her a hot stone massage ($130). It’s just the way some women are. I am 26 and my friend is 24. I have renamed her cat, spend the night at her place about once a week, and try to have lunch with her JUST as often as I can.
It doesn’t mean I love my Boyfriend any less, nor does it mean that I am in love with my Best Friend. I’m thinking, that something was missing in your relationship AND that she doesn’t have ANY friends… right? She finally found a women who she can talk to and be friends with.
It sounds like your wife is STARVED for attention. She needs more attention from you AND SHE NEEDS TO LEARN TO MAKE FRIENDS. I think you guys need to sit down and figure out what is going on and how to fix it. PLUS, I think your wife wouldn’t spend so much time on the internet if the friend lived closer.
This is my standard answer for this type of question. I you have exhausted all your easy options like simply asking her and some basic snooping it may be time to look on her computer. There are products that monitor just about everything. I like a program called actual spy. it monitors keystrokes, takes screen snapshots, and monitors applications used.
now some will say that you should not snoop, but if you have tried to get a clear honest answer and she has not and you have 20 years invested into your marriage you have a right to know what is going on.
But be ready my friend. It is possible that the information you find will be hurtful and likely rock your world in a very bad way.
Good Luck.