to all the couples married over 25 yrs plus (women first?) men second?)?
What has been surpising me lately are couples divorcing/cheating after 25 + yrs Why?
I have a friend who completed 30 yrs of marriage. I say completed because they didn’t celebrate. She suspects he is cheating. She feels he has been doing this for quite sometime. She’s so old school, she doesn’t do anything. What would you do and would you stay for the sake of commitment, vows and history, if you learned he really was cheating and in love with the other woman?
Men, if you were having marital problems for sometime, and met a woman, befriended her, unexpectedly fell in love with her had an affair, and now has lasted for 10 yrs +, would you stay in your marriage for the sake of comitment, vows and history, or would you leave for love and happiness?
questions to M/F
If someone knew a spouse was cheating for sometime now, would you want to be told no matter what?
have any of you stopped loving your spouses or said "I don’t love you anymore" and why?
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Tagged with: cheating • Comitment • Couples • Happiness • love • love and happiness • marital problems • marriage • Married Women • old school • Sake • vows • woman men
Filed under: Infidelity Warning Signs
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Male Married 30yrs (1977) began dating 1973.
Would I leave for love and happiness?
I would follow my heart for sure. After 30yrs, I have much in common with your friend.
Love is blind. As time passes much is lost in the familiarity of life in marriage, and though some manage to reach a place of harmony, most interract in a compromise of differences. The things that were once major points of conflict seem small in the face of time.
Many seasoned marriages continue way beyond the used by date because it takes a determined effort to survive a generation with a spouse. Eventually it reaches a place where existence is no more than routine and habit.
In my case I love my wife, but I am not happy in love anymore.
My wife had an affair the day after our 20th anniversary 1997. I bought her an Irish wedding ring that day. When I caught her I discovered she had a secret life and a long list of lovers.
She ran out on me when I was bedridden with cancer (may 2006) and she ran away 9 more times before our 30th anniversary (2007). Number 9 was 3 days before the day.
I must be old fashioned like your friend. I love my children and my grandchildren and I would rather be miserably lonely in my comfort zone than to break a promise I made to God in 1982 when we were young and I hurt my wife so bad she had a breakdown and received no help. When I recognised what I had done I vowed to God I would give a lifetime to take it all back. I think the damage I caused my wife emotionally and mentally that day was far too mortal for her ever to be the same again.
I played a part in this final chapter 25yrs later, wether I like to believe it or not.
I am bitten bruised and not in any hurry to lie with another woman.
In 30yrs I have seen enough change to know change is possible.
But in my case, (and I do hope your friend is likeminded) I am content knowing I have done my time and I am Not!!! doing it again.
What remains now is a cleaning up process which takes time and a complete mental overhaul of the only life I have known up to now.
Time has bought me through many hells in our marriage, but there is much more to give thanks for in those years.
She mothered my children. I will love her forever.
I suffer the same trauma any betrayed woman does in similar circumstance, but my strength comes from knowing I have been truthful and honest these past decades.
I endured the last decade not because of marriage vows but because I made a private commitment to God (which I do not make lightly.) And of course, I love my children. It was easy to decide.
Over the years I have seen many a secret mistress or toyboy settle into a long term relationship with a married wo/man. It is a horrible position to be if one knows the betrayed.
As a man I address the offender not the victim. Many people dont know what to do and others think it their duty to expose the fiend.
If a friend feels so outraged as to expose the adultry I say "Shoot the messenger". 10yrs of blissful ignorence is a great thing to have.
The violation of trust is no less than had it been exposed earlier, only the quality of the victims self esteem would have altered to the detrement of all that is now.
As long as your friend is able to accept (if) she is not interested in repeating another term of office under the same management, the only clear truths worth anything are the things that were good over the years.
That her husband has a distorted perception of love doesnt mean it isnt love…just distorted.
Hers is a monumental contribution.
I hope she is aware of her own greatness.
I apologise for not sticking to the guidelines of the question. I feel empathy with your friend and I understand how "Old fashioned can appear unhealthy to many people.
A commonality emerged as my wife reeled in a wide range of supporters to give weight to her many edited issues. First they all had men problems in common. And second none of them had any experience in long term relationships.
And for thirty years, guided by my wifes information most advice was for her to leave me.
Ironically my wife only seemed to bond with people who could keep secrets. Her years of deception had given her a supernormal nose to keep a like minded person as her advisor or partner. I assume that is the fate of the deciever to never know what a true heart is worth.
YES - i would want to know!!! I would fight to the end to save our marriage. Sometimes love is just not enough - you have to be willing to go the extra mile. If it continued I would give him his choice, but i would respect myself enough to NOT put up with it!