How do you find the strength to move on after a loving relationship ends with cheating
I just found out that my fiancé of 3 years has cheated on me for 5 months. I want to walk away so bad (and I have told him that), but he keeps calling me and crying and begging me not to leave him. He keeps telling me that I have his heart, his mind, his soul and his body. He is making it very difficult for me to walk away because my heart still wants him.
I must say that his affair was kept very hidden, for our relationship was always intact. We talked everyday as usual and he would see me as usual also. I still would hang out with him mom as we make wedding plans.
The news of his affair literally knocked me off my feet and I was in bed all weekend and did not eat (not even now). I could not sleep either because I keep waking up thinking it was just a dream. I am in grad school, studying to be a history professor and this has been the worse me I have ever seen. I think I allowed my love for him to consume my entire existence.
How do I get my power back and start living again. I know in my heart that things will never be the same in our relationship if I took him back, therefore I don’t want him. I also feel like I am making a big mistake by walking way. I am soooo confused right now and would appreciate some insights on how to keep on going forward with life without him, please help
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Tagged with: 3 years • 5 months • big mistake • cheating • existence • grad school • heart • history professor • insights • love • Loving Relationship • mom • relationship • Relationship Ends • sleep • Wedding Plans
Filed under: Infidelity Warning Signs
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Your fiance did something very human: he made a mistake. However, after five months - you have to realize that the mistake has turned into something that he was in perfect control of.
What I’m saying is - he made his choice. He made his choice knowing it would hurt you, knowing it could potentially ruin what you have - knowing that even if it didn’t end things, it would twist the way you see him, and keep you from ever completely trusting him again. He KNEW what he was doing - and he knew how to hide it well.
This is my advice, whether you choose to follow it or not:
Don’t let him run a guilt trip on you, and remember - actions speak louder than words. He says that you have all of him, but for five months of your relationship, this was a lie. Remember that, when he says those things to you.
Tell him what you feel - tell him that you still care about him, but there is nothing that can repair the damage he’s done.
Let me tell you here and now that I believe you are NOT making a mistake. Many people learn to forgive and forget, even if it irreversibly alters the relationship. Many people simply can’t do so. It’s all about you and your relationship. This is a very individual situation.
The best thing you can do now is keep busy. Focus on your career, your friends, your hobbies, your family. It’s okay to think about it and to cry about, but you can’t let yourself dwell on this. That will only make things a hundred times worse. Realize that what he did was seflish, and that in the end, it is him who’s going to be regretting - not you.
I sincerely hope that helps.
DUMP HIS MOTHER F*CKIN ASS, CHANGE YOUR NUMBER, AND SHUT HIM OUT OF YOUR LIFE, CHEATING SHOULD NOT BE TOLERATED…………………….OH AND BURN HIS F*CKIN HOUSE DOWN………………………..ok maybe not that far………….cause face it YOU KNOW even if you DO take him back you’ll NEVER trust him agian and you’ll ALWAYS be scared and worried when he’s gone if he’s cheating on you…………..MEN WHO CHEAT ARE SCUM
You are better then this!! He had an affair with someone else for FIVE months, not just a one night stand. He obviously knew what he was doing. You are right not to want to take him back. He doesn’t deserve you. Chalk this one up as a lesson learned. 3 years used up on this man, but it was an experience and a lesson learned, and hopefully you’ll never have to endure this ever again. Just worry about yourself right now. Think about your goals and work on achieving them. Tell this man that he did you wrong, and you aren’t taking him back and if he had any dignity left in him, and respected you any he’d leave you alone, and give you a chance to breathe so you can get over him completely and move on with your life. It’s time for you to get back on your feet and start living again. Concentrate on the things that make you happy. Do what you want to do.
ok you seem like a really nice person and you obviously deserve better. id just like to point out that you dont have his heart and mind and soul and body and all that crap because he cheated on you. and you might think this is pathetic but there is a book called "its a breakup because its broken" and it really helps with break ups. trust me….but you need to find another guy that you know will treat you good and wont cheat on you . and ignore his calls and texts and all he does to try to get u back. good luckk =]
I’m sorry for your pain. I know it hurts so bad that is a real physical pain. I would say that love can conquer all and I have seen relationships survive and become stronger after cheating but for 5 months? That is not a simple OOPs, that took planning and scheming and total disregard for you. It gave him time to think about you and his actions and he still continued. As far as living again, it takes a long time to heal but you will. It will feel like you will never be happy again, but you will. Everything happens for a reason and will all work out in the end. Just keep yourself from going too far into the pit of despair by thinking positive as often as possible and you will see that little by little it will get better. Good luck and God Bless You.
I was with my fiance for 2 years and I came to find out that he cheated. It wasn’t that long of an affair but it still hurt, I know how that feels and I am very sorry for you.
I dedicated my entire existence to this man and I love him with all that I am and I let the love that I have for him define me,
Well I broke it off and it was the hardest thing that I ever had to do, I mean my heart just hurt, I can’t explain it. It was like someone took my soul from me.
He told me how much that he loved me and how much he wanted to be with me and only me. There is no doubt this man DOES love me. So after about 4 months of seperation we got back together and tryed to make things work and even though things seemed to be great between us and better then ever, a piece of me and the relationship was gone and no matter how hard I tryed I couldn’t get that back.
It got to the point that every girl that I saw I would think that he was cheating on me with her if she was his type. I just couldn’t do it no matter how much that I love him and how much I know that he loves me.
I mean he was with this other girl for months so he must have been growing a bond with her, so what does that say about the bond that the two of you were suppossed to share.
Leave now and never look back, you can do bad all by yourself you don”t need a man to help you. It will NOT get better.
He loves you but he likes her?
(were is the logic in that?)
I JUST got out of a cheating relationship 4 months ago. I allowed my best friend(now boyfriend) to help me through it. Try hanging out with friends and getting out more. Another thing that helped me was whenever i thought about him I would just make myself think about all the bad things that he did and I would soon feel better. If you need any more help just ask. I wish you luck. He’s scum!
I can relate with what your going thru–just know that if he can hide it so well then it’s hard for me to believe that it would not happen again—plus, it would always be in the back of your mind–it’s not like it was a one time thing–he deliberately kept it from you & for a long time too…you probably don’t even have the whole story out yet–or all the details…not that it would help though..:( I know you love him–it’s not like you can turn that off so easily–you just have to realize that he did this not you and he’s probably only upset because he got caught–if he had true remorse he would have stopped along time ago…you can be strong & get thru this–trust me–it’s for the best that you found out BEFORE you got married…hang in there..
I’ve been where you are, and, honestly, the only thing that is going to help heal your heart is time. My ex fiancé and boyfriend of five years cheated on me. It was one of the most difficult times of my life. I kept hoping that it would all be a dream. It made me physically sick, and I kept waking up in hysterics every night. I tried to work things out with my ex, but I finally just walked away. However, looking back, I’m very glad that I did.
You’re right to end things if you know that they will never be the same. It really is impossible to look at somebody the same once they’ve hurt you like that. You can’t have a relationship without trust, and you definitely do not want to start a marriage off that way. Plus, you deserve somebody that is not going to cheat on you!
Surround yourself with the people you love. You’re going to need them right now more than ever. Find somebody that you can talk to. Spend some time with your friends. Also, if you are sure that you want to leave him, it will be a lot easier for you if you break off contact with him completely for the time being.
I am so sorry that your love was betrayed. I can hear the hurt and confusion in your words. I think the only way to move on after the hurt is one day at a time. Learn to love yourself again and most of all learn to trust other people again. Remember, others are not him. Give yourself time to grieve the loss. Cry, journal, and learn from this mistake. Accept that you are human and as humans we are entitled to screw up - even he is. Forgive him for this. I think that is the hardest part. Write down each and every disappointment and all the anger that you have not released. Write it all down. Then one by one forgive him for all of it. Cry until you have healed each hurt and then burn the list or let a balloon go as a symbol of your moving on. Don’t try to be less than human. We do not have the capacity to forgive and forget. We only have the power to forgive and learn. Have your girlfriends over for girls night. Surround yourself with those who love you so that you get connection to other people. Follow your heart to new goals and friendships. You are a wonder and special person with so much to offer another person and this world. Be kind to yourself through your healing and know that we have all been through heartache. It gets better. One day at a time.