Just because a a person is married, why do they think…?
their spouse is only put on earth to satisfy their every desire. Such people take no responsibility for their own happiness and spirituality. No one person can be all things to another person. Those are high expectations for one person. No one can possibly meet those expectations. How can someone take it personal when their spouse does not meet their expectations. If you get married and think your spouse is the alpha and omega, you got another thing coming. Marriage is supposed to be a whole lot more than an individual expectations. I ask this question because everyone on YA is always whining about cheating spouses. Honestly, what can you really expect. People don’t go into marriages thinking their that their spouse is going to cheat. But it is seems like it always happens to those that least suspect it. Wonder why? I’m not saying cheating is ok, but really. We get married trusting our spouse will NEVER have sex with another person again. Such trust in another person leads to disaster.
Again. Adultery is not right. But, marriage is suppsosed to be way bigger than the issue of sex.
It’s almost arrogant to put so much trust in someone, just for one’s own personal gratification. The reason adultery is wrong has little to do with "trust". How can you trust a sinner not to sin? Like it or not.
I’m 36. Married 14 years. I haven’t been a saint. I think I have a sucessful marriage because my wife and I don’t expect each other to be saints for our sakes, but we are expected to do what’s right in the eyes of God. We realize that are marriage is not about us. It’s about giving our children a loving environment, while we are always seeking to improve ourselves individually.
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Tagged with: adultery • alpha and omega • cheating spouses • desire • disaster • Earth • eyes of god • Happiness • High Expectations • loving environment • marriage • Omega • one person • personal gratification • saints • sakes • sinner • spirituality • sucessful marriage • whole lot • ya
Filed under: Infidelity Warning Signs
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you are so right!
No need to be so hostile. Have you been cheated on and know how it feels? It doesn’t feel too good. People aren’t whining either, they need help. Isn’t that why you are on here, to help people? Why make them feel worse than what their spouse has already? You do have some good points though. I agree with alot that you’ve said.
I agree. I could live with a husband who cheated. The problem is that they say that YOU caused HIM/HER to cheat. Take responsibility and say that you were tempted, hoooorney, curious, bored, whatever, but don’t blame the spouse and don’t humiliate him or her by being obvious. Clinton at least tried to keep it secret. That is why Hillary is still with him. And like Clinton, say that you are VERY VERY sorry and take me to Nantucket for a week!
Maybe that’s the way they were raised. Marriage is a give and take agreement that is shared by both. Trust is important and does not lead to disaster for everyone.
I was with you til I read the cheating part.
Sorry, cheating is THE deal breaker, and without a doubt the most painful thing you can put your spouse through.
I myself am not married but when and if I do, I won’t go into it if I cannot stay completly faithful and expect the same from my spouse. Seriously, all a man and a wife are responsible for with the relationship and the household, fidelity is the LEAST one should expect.
Good question though…but i think a lot of people will get turned off by it.
Look I know that my husband will NEVER cheat on me and I will NEVER cheat on him. It is called trust for a reason. We both know that you cant make another person happy that they already have to have inner happiness. I don’t expect a saint. I expect love and caring and commitment. Get real and get over your sour grapes
I’m not quite sure what your question is, exactly. But…
On sex, when we marry we make a vow to forsake all others. But as to emotional happiness, we are each responsible for our own. Husbands cannot *make* wives happy, nor the other way around. I think the cheating happens when someone thinks, well, my spouse is supposed to be making me happy and isn’t doing it, so I’ll just look somewhere else. Not right. Faulty thinking.
I understand what you are saying, but it is hard to deal with someone that you gave your life to base all your decisions on to have sexual relations with another person..When you give yourself up in those way it is special and spiritual.. It makes the two people connect in a different way. I guess when one gets married they expect for those experiences to be just their own..And if you start out a marriage not trusting the other person completely then what is the point.. You are trusting that person so much that you vow to give them your life..That is a pretty big deal.. As far as it being common for people to cheat yes that is true. Temptation gets the best of us, usually when we feel that our spouse is not giving us what we feel we need or what they used to.. I think people us it as an excuse to do something they know they are not suppose to be doing which makes it all the more exciting.
Are you married? How old are you?
And no your spouse is not put here to satisfy your every desire, when you are deeply in love with someone you are both satisfying each others desires. When this becomes one sided that is when shit hits the fan!!
You said the answer already - expectations, especially high expectations. Most people get married without putting any real thought into it hoping it will all work out. Sadly people don’t realize that marriage is a constant work in progress. Marriage is a commitment to work together; communicate to each other and to come to a compromise that works for both people. Does it surprise anyone that we have a 50% divorce rate because people want results without the effort. To make any marriage successful you have to go in with the idea that both people will have to adjust to each other and work through their problems.
I don’ tthink that expecting your spouse not to cheat is the same thing as "expecting them to fulfill their every desire".
What do you expect? For people to get married NOT trusting each other? With the idea that they are going to have sex with other people? If that is the way an individual feels, then they should simply not get married.
Things don’t always go according to plan. We all get married in the hopes that they will. And it is natural to be upset or hurt when they don’t.
Giving a person trust is not what leads to disaster. Many other factors do, and disasters happen, but they are not caused by trust given.
Many people have unrealistic expectations of what marriage will be like. You will fight, you will disagree, you will need time to yourselves and not always want to be an "us" or a "we, but your individual self. Sex will eventually get boring, and will take effort to revive it.
But the entire basis of your rant here is the cheating thing, and it sounds to me like you take personal issue with it……are you a husband who cheated, and doesn’t want to feel guilty about it, or what? Or are you a single guy who cannot imagine ever being monogamous? Either way, you have no idea what marriage is really supposed to be about.
If you really beleive that, then maybe it is because you are simply like so many others and look to the wrong sources of information to get insight. If you look, once you marry, you are to be so very many things to your spouse and they to you as well. Each is suppose to be half of a whole, thereby working with one another for what is good for both. Your mate does have a right to expect many things of you, as you do them. But you are to make sure that what you expect is what is within rights to do so.
Yes, life involves more then sex, but then if you look at what scripture has to say about it, sex is one of those very key components. Scriptures and belief in them as well as sex and how it is handled and looked upon by both parties within a relationship will be key factors in how well the relationship works.
No one can be responsible for your happiness, but they certainly can influence it severly and dramatically. Now, people get into marriage hoping for the best and trying to give credit to the other person. Unfortunately, many get married having lied to themselves about what they are getting. We usually have some very good and strong indicators of who, what, how the other person is before we say I do. Many times, you just try to overlook those things or you think you will change them or manage them or they will get better. If you do this, you are part of the problem that you face in marriage, for you storied to yourself. To bad. You still opted in by your own choices.
In my opinion, most of the problems in marriages are related to at least one person being selfish or thinking that morals are what they think or like or feel, not what they truely are. Sadly, they often are encouraged to have this attitude and outlook from freinds, family, what they read, what they see in life. Consider that next time you give marriage advice folks.
Lastly, maybe one big reason so many cheat anymore is the same reasons they do many other improper things. They are selfish, only care about what they like and want and because there is no real cost or punishment or harm to THEM that comes from being this way.(often it is the other that pays the price.) They are often made excuses for or forgiven easily or simply told to follow their heart instead of being frowned upon. Maybe it is also in part because we fail to say to both that they now have some responsibilities for meeting the needs of the other person, thereby helping the other person not have a need to look elsewhere to get those needs met.
Many who are cheated upon are simply unfortunate victims. Many of those who get cheated upon also want to consider themselves victims without looking at how they acted or how often they said no to their mate.
How interesting, you want to make life for your children easier, but yet you do not want to put faith in your spouse….what a loving environment for the kids. You posted an answer on my question and personally think you are an arrogant assshole!!! I responed to u on my post!! Of course, no one expects their spouse to cheat, if we did, we would never marry. Get off your high horse and join the real world. You talk about God…maybe you should speak of someone you know. Obviously someone with as much animosity in their heart and mind as you seem to, cannot know him well.
If you are sooooo tired of hearing about this situation, maybe you should answer questions on a different topic and get off of this one!!!!
Well, I agree with your last "additional details" statement. However, why haven’t you been a "saint" if you are striving for the ideal for your wife and children? One should strive to be!
Back to your entry statement - I believe, as most mature people should, that no one can be everything to another. That is why we are individuals; we can only change ourselves.
However, I totally disagree with you about the cheating. Having total trust in the other person is what makes the marriage viable and alive. That means trusting there will be no cheating - of any definition. If I didn’t believe that, I wouldn’t have been with and been loving him over these 17 years. Having such trust in another person does NOT lead to disaster as you say, it is just the opposite. It is what gives us security, comfort, and joy.
You are one thought-provoking dude, dude. Talk at ya again…
The saddest thing is when a marriage is not kept sacred.
Marriage is and can be eternal. I was sealed to my husband for time and all eternity. I want him to be my husband forever. I trust in our love, honesty, and integrity and know that it will last forever if we remain faithful to covenants made in the holy temple. Marriage should be a 3 way committment between husband, wife and the Lord and that is the only way it will ever truly be successful AND everlasting. I know that.
To generalize, and say "trusting leads to disaster", is ignorant. If marriages were "run" the way the Lord would have them, there would be no adultery or cheating or dishonesty….