Is having an online relationship considered cheating?
I have been married for 8 1/2 years now and have 4 kids. My marriage life wasn’t what I expected it to be. My husband and I still struggle financially with no help from him at all due to his gambling which resulted to enormous amount of debts. He’s jobless while I’m working fulltime to support our family. Aside from gambling, he drinks alcohol constantly. I told him numerous times to get help but he denies that he has a problem. Due to his vices, we always get into heated arguments especially whenever I remind him how he destroyed my credit and our (and our kids’) financial future. I feel that I don’t love him anymore that we’re just living together for the sake of our kids. Then, just recently, I reconnected with my highschool bestfriend (of opposite sex) online, who I lost connection with in the last 13 years. He ended up courting me in highschool then and eventhough I felt the same way, I didn’t acknowledge his feelings due to fear of getting heartbroken. Now, he’s divorcing his wife and he’s in a different country now and we brought up our memories together and sure enough, it sparked up our feelings towards each other. He said that he still loves me the most after all this time and asked me if he can be my boyfriend, and I accepted. What we have is only an online relationship but we talk and chat almost everyday and even talk about intimate topics. I really enjoy talking to him and I can feel that he really loves me. Now, does this mean I’m cheating on my husband? Should I continue the secret relationship with my bf? Please help!
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Tagged with: 13 years • alcohol • bestfriend • bf • debts • drinks • fear • feelings • financial future • love • marriage • marriage life • memories • Online Cheating • Online Relationship • Opposite Sex • Sake • secret relationship • Sex Online • Struggle • vices
Filed under: Infidelity Warning Signs
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This is cheating, I have heard it called "emotional cheating". I know you might feel validated because of how horrible your husband has been but honestly you cant start a new relationship until you finish the one you are in.
My advice would be to tell this boyfriend you need to stop all communication for awhile. And then figure out if you need to stop holding onto the marriage you are in. If you decide to try to save your marriage then you need to let go of the online boyfriend. If you decide the marriage is over then once you have ended it continue with your relationship with the boyfriend. And you have to be honest with your husband. He needs to have all the cards on the table before you can decide if you are going to try to save this marriage.
I hope everything works out for you.
not unless you start to see and hang out with that "online boyfriend".
YOU are A CHEATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry, but you are.
nah, it’s inoccent… everyone’s doing it.
hoe
HE needs help, and you need to get him help, and yes it is cheating regardless. Get the MAN some help or get out of this what could be a volatile situation.
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It is cheating, of course its cheating, you know that.
(I only read the question im not going to read the paragraph.)
YES! BECAUSE ALTHOUGH ITS NOT PHYSICAL U ARE EMOTIONALLY CHEATING.
So cheat and get it over with. I hope the man online pays you for your services.
Ask your husband if it’s OK with him - it’s not cheating if you have permission.
if it was me i wouldn’t but if you feel that way go do it
I would consider that cheating. If your not happy just divorce your husband. If your staying together for the kids sake they will just end up seeing you guys fight.
Yes it is cheating because its emotional…cheating does not always have to be physical…thats a wrong misconception..think of it this way…how would I feel if my husband was doing the same thing…then you will know if you should continue or not.
How about getting out of this crazy marriage you are in first? Don’t you think you both have changed in 13 years. I’d get on my own two feet first and start rebuilding your future so you can focus on your children’s.
Yes, it’s cheating, but it’s a good thing because you have NO business being in this pointless, loveless marriage. You should have gotten out of this marriage long ago, and I think you know it. You think you’re staying for the sake of your KIDS?? That’s a load of crap. The life you describe is HORRIBLE for kids. Living with an out of work, alcoholic father and a mother in a loveless marriage?? You think that’s a good environment for children???
Act like a mature adult. Get out of this marriage NOW. Get your kids and start a new life.
Yes it is considered cheating but you don’t have to end your online relationship. Just divorce you husband if you don’t love him, but don’t cheat on him. Lust is still adultry no matter if you act on it or you don’t. So try to suppress your lust for that other guy.
It is emotional cheating. It sounds like you have grounds for divorce, with his drinking and gambling. You need to start a new life for you and your children. It’s not good for your children to see your husband like this.
Yes, a form of cheating. You should not continue this secret online relationship. Confide your troubles and concerns to someone else. And your husband needs lots of help, even if he denies it, you will have to get him some help some way.
shheeeesh. why did you stop at 4 kids with this gem? a gambler AND a drunk? if you keep having kids maybe he’ll straighten himself out. i’d say try to be like octo-mom and your problems will be solved.
Would you let your husband listen in/read your communications? If not, it’s cheating.
If you are that unhappy in your marriage, you need to divorce. Despite thinking you are together "for the kids", you are HARMING them by letting them live in such a hostile home. They’d be better off not witnessing your arguments and your allowal of his addictions.
Get a spine, throw the bum out, and file for divorce. Once it is final (and not a minute before that), you can feel free to pursue other relationships. Until then, you are cheating.
DUH!
Practically, yes you’re a cheater ! not to be harsh on you: we can’t always control our feelings towards peple, i mean we all sometimes miss the shared feelings with that boy/girl from the highschool…etc
but, for God’s sake ! you have a house a husband & children, i hope you’re not concidering selling family & buying mr.highschool instead…you’d better start getting rid of this online relation…
You’re husband doesn’t think he has a drinking problem because he doesn’t see, know how it effects other people . You should state in some way that he does have a drinking problem and that it is with his family, even if he doesn’t feel he has one himself.
Tell him that you’ve stated the problems , and that he hasn’t been man enough, mature enough to handle those problems , even when you tried to help him, and that if he doesn’t get it together you’ll leave him.
He sounds abusive, and selfish, and immature, and as if he wont make a good father.
Yes, you are cheating. Cheating doesn’t have to be physical relations. Cheating can be emotional. That’s you. Emotional affairs are just as wrong and destructive as physical ones.
Also, you’re in love with an illusion. You’re in love with your high school version of this guy. He isn’t that guy anymore.
Be careful.
i1m not for infidelity but it soundds like you don`t have much of a husband but be careful you have kids to think about why not just divorce the looser you`re with and then you can have someoine better and not have to worry about it.
What your doing is cheating!!!! If your not happy, which it’s obvious that your not, than just leave! Don’t stay because of the kids because they probably suffer more by seeing both of you always argue and not getting along. It’s obvious that he doesn’t really give a crap about his family otherwise he would get his ass a job and quit making you both go into a deeper debt than you already are. Get a divorce, I think it would be best for all of you.
You are cheating. But, if you feel like you have done all that you can do to save your marriage, then you need out of it. If he is not willing to contribute to the family, financially, emotionally, etc. then you 2 living together is not even good for the kids, it’s worse for them. Hold off on the affair until you divorce, or at least separate from your husband. The worse thing you can do though is nothing. Just because change is hard you still have to do it, you can’t go on with a husband and a fling on the side, either save your marriage or end it. then pursue the new guy. You don’t want to set a poor example for your kids, think of what you might tell one of your children if they were in the same situation.
Cheating or not is relative, not absolute.
What is more important is going forward, the relationship with your hubby…can it be salvaged or not.If not, you may tend to look at other men to fulfill you love needs.
If you feel that you can salvage your relationship with your hubby, then your feelings towards your old friend will just be ‘good friends’, nothing more.
It is considered cheating to have an online bf…What you need to do is trust in your heart and get the man some help… You must be strong, do what is right that you think is right XD
There is no way of anyone being able to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do I can only give my opinion and beliefs. I don’t think an online relationship is cheating…unless your conversations are sexually oriented. When I was 6 months pregnant with my first child, my boyfriend(father to my child) was just talking to some girl through email which did not bother me until I discovered she had asked him to meet her at a party. There are hard feelings so if you want to leave your husband for this other man then you should before it escalates. You do have children to think about. Also, I know from personal experience that staying together b/c of kids is really not a good reason. You basically said yourself that you bring home the money and imagine how much better your kids childhood would be if you stop supporting your deadbeat husband and they don’t have to deal with living with an alcoholic parent.
yeah its cheating. if he has cheated you "due to his vices" and cant get through it, cut him gone. then do what want. in or out of country
Yes, it is cheating, but it is a good thing. I think you should divorce your husband. It’s never too late to start over. Your new life with someone else will be much more happier. You cannot be with him forever, you will be sad and misery. He brings so much distress into your life. Being with your online lover is the only thing that makes you happy when life is hell on earth and after a long and hard day at work, all you want is to come home to him and be with him, he seems to be the person that makes everything better and the solution to everything, who knows, maby he is the one. I really think that you should divorce your husband, do whats right for you, and for the kids. This husband for yours will destroyed your life…seems like he already has. Besides, your kids will always have him in their life, he will always be their father, you and him are just not married anymore. It’s not like he is gone forever. You don’t want to be with him for the rest of your life do you?
Both of my sister has been divorce because of marrying the wrong guy. Now their lives are good. And they have kids too when divorce. It will be alright. Follow your heart and do whats good and right. Good luck!!:)
It’s cheating, It always starts small … your "online bf" won’t be happy with chatting with you online the rest of his life obviously, even if that’s all you feel you want. Eventually, you’ll be drawn in to more. And as loving and awesome and you think he is now, I can almost guarantee you that it’ll fall apart and not be so rosy later on, because whatever your situation at home, having a clandestine affair with a married woman is low on his part and he’s not this awesome knight in shining armor.
The right thing to do is to try to see if you can get your husband to change. Tell him how you feel and if he doesn’t change then he might lose you, not to mention his kids. Try to be compassionate as you tell him these things, this being your last resort, not angry and vengeful which will only push him into a corner. If you are on good terms with his friends and family, get them involved in trying to help him. They can be casual about it at first, but have them stage an intervention if you must. I’ve had alcoholic friends before, and usually they dismiss their wife’s complaints because there’s already friction there and sometimes the alcohol is an escape from those marital problems as well. But his friends and family can shake him more, specially ones he looks up to and respects. I’ve been that friend before and people can really change. If you are religious or believe in God, that is the best place to turn to as well for you and him… true faith can overcome all addictions and negative behaviors. If he doesn’t change, then separate … don’t divorce right away, sometimes it takes a jolt to change them,
Of course if he turns into a violent drunk or anything, head for the hills, you don’t have to put up with that crap.
Cheating is irrelevant. Your husband sounds like a loser. You should leave him, he doesn’t deserve fidelity or a family. Continue the relationship if it makes you happy.
any extra marital ties is cheating, be it in person or online. Get your husband the help he needs and quit playing in your fantasy world with your bf. The bible says divorce is not an option and neither is cheating… clean up your act and help your hubby clean up his!
I think it’s still considered Cheating because the fact remains that you are still married to your husband and you both have 4 kids together. The kids are involved in this too, so whatever decision you make, it has to be a decision that is best for the kids. The kids should always come first! I do agree that it’s wrong for your husband not to be making any attempt to help his own family financially and for you to be the only one being the one that is supporting the family. You two have a lot of problems. You are unhappy and you fight all the time and that’s not good for the kids to be hearing of seeing either. If you are so unhappy with your husband, you don’t think or want to work things out and you want to have a relationship with this other man, get a divorce from your husband first and take it from there.
How can you fall ‘in love’ electronically with someone whom you haven’t seen or spoken to in 13 years?
That’s asinine. For all you know he could be the biggest deviate on the face of the earth or getting a divorce because he was screwing around on his wife. I mean…you only know what HE tells you. I realize that you’re in a desperate situation and any attention or sexual talk is no doubt an oasis in comparison to what your real world is like. But don’t go pinning your hopes on a virtual one just because your heart speeds up and you get a tingling feeling between your thighs.
Now…as far as considering this ‘cheating’. Some will disagree and although it can easily pave the road towards infidelity I don’t think it quite crosses the line….yet. If this guy is in Washington State and you’re in New hampshire then you may as well be in Egypt respective of one another’s location. But be careful. You may find yourself getting drawn into something that you might discover later was wishful thinking on your part.
Is it cheating yes, but given your letter your husband is a dead beat living of your money, it looks like the guy needs help so be firm let him know that if he don’t get help you will move on. in the other hand is the colaps of your marriage making you feel you are in love with your old flame or are you truely in love, if you are get a divorce and move on. one last, online cheating is common anyone who tells you something different is full of it wether is right or wrong is left to your concious.
*****I AM IN THE PLAYPEN WITH SWEET MILDRED******
YES
Emotional Affair, Grass is Greener.
Either divorce the bum and try to finally have a real relationship with this man (one of you needs to move so you are near each other) or recognize that you are using the living shit out of a man you proclaim to care about to fill the gaping emotional holes in your marriage.
He is also rebounding and leaning-on/using you to support himself emotionally so don’t feel too bad about using him.
If you love your husband you have a lot of work ahead of you to stop enabling him. You do not have to pay for his alcohol and gambling. Take away everything he has to access your money. Get new bank accounts. Learn to disengage.
Be prepare to call the cops on him if he drives drunk. Do not pick him up if he gets wasted. He can sleep and sober up in the car.
He has utterly and completely failed you as a husband, few will blame you for leaving him. He has to decide to fix himself before anything will happen and it can take years and cost tons of money. You have to decide if that’s worth it to you.
First get some help for your husband,and yes you are cheating. Looks like your are hooked on an old flame and you are going to see how fare it goes.
**I AM IN THE PLAYPEN WITH SWEET MILDRED**