why can’t I pick myself up and do something with my life?

I’m a housewife since 10 years back and does nothing but housework and help and assist everybody else. I enjoy it but it also makes me feel like a big loser in life. Like I have nothing else to contribute with. I have had dreams and still do about going back to school and getting a education. I don’t get much encouragement or support from my husband and family though, I think he enjoys having the "control" and know that I am financially dependent on him. I help him in "his" business and don’t enjoy it at all. It’s not a business in my taste or interest even though, naturally I’ll take responsibility for our income too in the way I can, so i do the stuff he can’t or don’t want to do like paperwork. I have spent 1000s of hrs talking and supporting him to make him more confident in life in general and even took over his part as a parent to his daughter from his previous marriage, who was and still is, a troubled girl. I did this because he didn’t know what to do and his exwife neither. The girl needed somebody and I felt bad for her.In return I have only felt used and taken for granted which perhaps is my own fault but I wish for support and attention in return. Well with my support his daughter blossomed into a secure even arrogant teenager who has now, with me as her inspiration, moved to a big city and in going to study the exact same things as I wanted to right before I got married and had our own two children. It’s torture for me! She reminds me now of everything I wanted to do and couldn’t. She has unfortunately become very selfish and now only looks at me as a looser that feels sorry for myself and should live with my decesions. I spent most of my energy on her and her problems these last 10 years but she don’t care about that. In between all of this, I left my country for my husband and we were only suppose to live here for max 2 years and I feel cheated and betrayed for that reason too. In between all of this I suffer of depression and I have also developed anxiety attacks in the last 2 years and I am on medication to treat the symptoms. I am miserable! It’s so hard to pick your self up and "better" yourself when you can barely get through the day! I want to have career but I just beat myself up and tell myself this is it, my life is over. I made a choise to support my family instead of myself and i always put their wishes and needs before mine. I don’t feel sorry for myself I’m just very tired, sad and disappointed for everyone taking me for granted. I have tried everything to get my husbands attention meaning talking, pleading etc to try to make him understand that I need his friendship too but to no prevail…and he does not even take up for me concerning his daughters disrespect and cruelty. I was the only one who cared for her for many years!!!!

ANYONE out there that feel the same or is in a similar situtaion? If nothing else, it would feel so much better just to know that I (we) are not alone feeling like this. Im not a woman without ambitions at all, I’m not stupid! I just need a boost!

Thanks for your time.

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Tagged with: 10 years • big loser • Depression • dreams • education • encouragement • exwife • going back to school • housewife • housework • inspiration • Loser • marriage • max 2 • paperwork • teenager • torture • troubled girl

Filed under: Infidelity Warning Signs

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