Help me please! Let me know what you think?
Do you agree with the decision of sending the following letter to my father in law?
Daddy 2 :
I don’t really know how to start..this is really hard for me! I don’t even want to bother you with my problems but this is out of my hands and I’m trying to do my best to work it out.
You were a witness of the joy I had the day of my marriage and that’s why i would like you to help me to figure this out. It is too soon to have this kind of problems, but unfortunately, a relationship is made of two and if one of those isn’t happy, the issues start soon too. I probably wouldn’t be writing to you if there wasn’t a baby on the way, but I feel I have the right to tell you and you deserve to know what’s going on…
My pregnancy has been really difficult. Firstable, all the symptoms I have had, secondable, Jason wanted me to abort! Yeh..I also didn’t believe it when he told me he wasn’t prepared for a baby, and now I know he wasn’t even prepared for marriage.
I would like to know how can I help him because even after all the things that he has done and "said" about me, I still don’t want an abnormal family for my kid. I’m pretty sure this is a psychological problem that needs external help..counselor, family..someone!!
The long story - short is as follows:
Everything really started a month after our wedding. He started to act really strange and he didn’t even want to share time with me. I wasn’t asking for too much, but he wasn’t willing to share too much either. Then, I found out he was watching porn almost every night, which i didn’t think was respectful to me. He got mad because I told him how I felt.(And sorry i have to say this, but I don’t think my sex life is boring)
And then, I found out he had visited a whore house just a week after our wedding! He went with a married friend who had sex with a whore. He said he didn’t. I don’t know.
That was back in November, however, I continued trying to work things out by myself because as I already said, I wanted my baby to have a normal family! And believe me! I have done the best for this relationship! I have even gone against my own beliefs because I was taught to do my best to make my husband happy. Then, he left to the states in January because he wanted to see you, but I was told he had sex with a girl there and that girl had an abortion (I don’t know if that is true..I don’t want to know about it!) I don’t know if that is true because I got a phone call of an english speaker girl who told me that.I don’t want to believe the words of a stranger who just probably wants me to be mad or sad! After that, I decided to read his diaries.(I know this wasn’t a good decision, it actually goes against me.. but I needed to know! :() And in his diaries I read the most awful things you can imagine! Expressions like: this bitch..this fucking kid, are still on my mind. Plus, i confirmed he cheated on me when he was in new orleans…and that’s why he lost his flight…
The only thing I have done to him is to treat him like a king! and give him the very best of me..I’m really clueless. I have been reading a lot to try to find out what’s going on and even not being a psychiatrist I could say he has a BPD (Borderline personality disorder) or something really serious, because he sometimes get depressed easily and with no reason, and many other symptoms that really concern me. I suggested him to go to a counselor but I haven’t been able to set up an appointment yet. He just told me he wouldn’t be able to work things out and he just wants me to leave. I respect his decision, but I’m desperate because the commitment I made was serious..I wasn’t playing when I got married. The only thing I want to ask you on behalf of my baby is to help me by giving me a clue on what to do. I know you know him more than me. he is your son! I know that if I decide to move on…and leave, life will be very difficult for Craig. I want to raise him close to his dad.
If you can give him any advice or make him reflect on what he is doing, that would be great! This is very difficult for me.
Ps. I just want you to keep this email to yourself because I know he would be mad if he knows I told you all this!
Thank you and sorry again for involving you in this ‘personal’ dilemma.
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Tagged with: 101 • baby on the way • counselor • i don t know • marriage • pregnancy • psychological problem • relationship • sex life • whore house • witness
Filed under: Infidelity Warning Signs
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None of this information needs to be relayed to a father-in-law. These are pesonal, marital issues.
If things are that bad, then you and your husband could discuss marriage counseling. If you both want things to change, this may be your only recourse.
If he won’t go to counseling with you, then do it yourself.
Perhaps after you’ve gone to several sessions, he may decide to join you.
Therapy does work when we work it.
No, do not sent that e-mail to your father in law. The only person you should discuss this with is your husband.
Not that I think you marriage is a good one, and if it were not for the baby, I would advise finishing it. Don’t you deserve to be appreciated ? Not disrespected
You must not place your father in law in this terrible position. He cannot change his son. Good Luck
WOW! That was a lot to take in. Well here’s my opinion: I don’t really know the relationship you have with your father-in-law but I don’t think it’s a good idea to bring this up to his attention. If your husband started doing the things he did a week after your wedding, then he obviously has never loved or respected you. This doesn’t sound like someone in their honeymoon. I really think you should take his suggestion and leave. Try to raise your child on your own with good examples and if your husband wants to be part of you and your child’s life, then he better get his act together.
It is ok to want to involve a family member like your husband’s father because he of all people would be able to make your husband listen. One of the biggest mistakes you could make, however, is to ask him to keep the letter to himself. If he wants to talk to your husband about this, how would be explain how he knows? Your husband would know you told him everything and that would most likely upset him.
First of all, a lot of men aren’t ready for marriage. They jump in thinking it’s going to be great and then they realize they actually have to listen to you and live with you.
Secondly, most men aren’t ready for a baby either. I’ve been married for four years and we still don’t have kids because I want us to both consent to it. I want my husband to want the baby too so I know he will be an active participant in our child’s life.
So before you go asking your father-in-law for advice or help, talk to your husband about this. Ask him to seek a counselor with you. If you are unable to get one due to insurance or your husband is unwilling, then you can ask his Dad for help.
And you don’t need to go into such detail. These are private matters. All you need to say is that you and your husband are having problems. He thinks he got married to soon, he doesn’t want the baby, and he refuses to go to counseling and you don’t know who else to turn to. Keep it short and simple. And don’t ask him to keep the letter a secret.
WOW that’s something. I hope your close enough to his dad to drop this in his lap. It could really backfire if not. But hey if your close enough to his family than send it. It can’t hurt. Then you need to find a good lawyer and make sure you get support thru the courts for your baby and begin a new life for yourself.Don’t trust him to pay you have the courts do it. Your marriage is over sad to say. I wouldn’t want to have sex with him after what he’s beeen doing anyway. So make that call to a GOOD lawyer.
don’t send that e-mail shame on u 4 even thinking such a thing. You need to realize he is not interested in marriage or father hood so I strongly suggest u move on & keep ur child away from his crazy butt.