Have you ever been in a bad relationship?
I would like to know opinions and stories on people who have been in unhealthy relationships. Abuse. cheating. Lying. Hurt. ect. What did you do to help the relationship? Did it work? Or did you just end it?
I would love to know your experiences so that I can hear what people who might have gone through what I’m going through now, can help me figure my situation out.
Thank you! =]
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Tagged with: experiences • love • relationship • unhealthy relationships
Filed under: Infidelity Warning Signs
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Yes I have been a bad relationship or two (or three!). Let’s see, we will go with my last one since it was the most significant and by far the most co-dependent. What did I do to try to help it? I did everything I could to try to ease his discomfort in the world, to make him happy, content and feel loved. I drove everywhere, so he could drink (yes he is an alcoholic), picked up beer for him on my way home from work every night. Throughout my entire pregnancy I was the DD and spent more weekends at the bar sipping juice and water than I had when I was not prego. All of course in an effort to ‘allow’ him his last hoorah since obviously life was ending. Oh, did I mention I let him talk me into having a child together since it was HIS dream to be a "family" man. In my efforts to realize my dream of full commitment, honesty and sharing a life with someone, I deluded myself constantly telling myself things would get better, that he would eventually be less mean when I had proved to him I loved him enough; enough to do ANYthing for him. He would yell and scream at me less when our child was born, since a real family guy, the kind he "wants" to be would never put their child through that. Marriage, a daughter, it still was never enough. He never put forth more effort than that of his continued existence. He promised year after year to be less angry, to be more gentle, kind and thoughtful, to quite drinking. I brought home books, tried initiating discussions, tried yelling screaming, tried being nice, looking the other way. I tried every single thing i could think of, and in the end it all still came down to him.
Being in this relationship forced me to realize that people only change if the WANT to change, and that THEY have to do all the work, you cannot do it for them. If someone wants to change, they will, its not anything that falls on your lap and shoulders. This is really hard for the ego to accept, since, (OBVIOUSLY), we are all powerful, and if we just put enough effort, enough love, enough time eventually we can love them into happiness. This is not how the world works. Unfortunately, we are the rule and not the exceptions in love and life. Once I learned that "miracle" turnarounds are not how real life love works, that that only happens in movies, books, and to people somewhere in the nether that are NOT me, I am much more content in the world. I have stopped trying to be an alchemist, and have accepted that as people are, they really are. If a man is a jerk, he is a jerk (drunk or sober), its a character flaw and not something you can mend.
I hope this helps.
nope sorry.
i was in an abusive relationship for two years and that ended well, he just got bored of me, It was better that way. And iw as cheated on by my bf with two girls, one of them my friend. I was crushed but in the long run i learned that it was better off that way,
-Stargirl,
with an abusive relationship, I would never stay in. I’ve been abused before and it’s not pleasant and I would never try to hold on.
With cheating, lying and hurting, there are ways to forgive and forget…but it takes time and healing and it takes them proving themselves that they are not going to be doing the things they had been doing.
It has worked for me in the past to forgive and move on, with that person, but it took them making the effort to do things right and going the extra mile to make me feel loved, appreciated and for them to show me over months of time that they were going to be trustworthy again.
well.. me and my bf are both emo and we hurt eachother emotionally all the time. im a huge flirt. he gets bossy. we are a really messed up couple but we love eachother so we make it work
I was in a bad relationship for two months with this one guy. I knew he was in love with me.. It wasn’t that he didn’t love me, and treated me bad, he just had a commitment problem. He cheated on me, he ditched me for parties and such.
I got fed up with it, but I still put up with it.. It’s just that I wasn’t so concerned about him.. I pretty much stopped caring about him and so while I was with him, I started talking to this other guy.. and I fell pretty hard for him.
So I broke up with this boyfriend.. and I was much happierr.
Hope everything is alright for you
Yes I have. Lying and cheating was involved.
She cheated on one of my friends, he told me. She denied it, and I forgave her anyway. A few months later I heard from a good source that she was cheating on her boyfriend she had before me. I confronted her. She lied again, a couple days later I caught them in the act. It ended fairly abruptly, but we still talk sometimes.
I was in a relationship once that the guy beat me, forced me to have sex with him, cheated, and threatened that if I left him, I wouldn’t live long. He scared me, and I stayed with him because I didn’t know what he was capable of doing to me. It wasn’t until he cheated with my so called best friend, that I realized I couldn’t do that anymore, and I left the relationship. It’s never good to stay in situations like that. People like that, never change. That’s the truth of it.
I had a girl who wanted a 3some.
with one of her friends…not really bad…might fall under "unhealthy"
Healthy or not it felt good :p
I have zero tolerance being in a relationship that may make me unhappy. Anyone who would give me just a hint of what you mentioned above….just a hint….the relationship is over. I also don’t believe in ‘on and off’ relationships either. NO ONE gets a second chance whose expressed being a jerk with me. A ‘mutual’ mess-up can be forgiven. This may sound hard or harsh, but I don’t have the time nor the patience to put up with unacceptable behavior.
Duh! I think I wrote the story on those ones. Been abused, cheated on, lied to, etc…… The abuser was just a jerk (we agreed to let it go for good reason), the cheater was also the liar who thought I was a stupid woman (well, I was but not for long). Anyways, he wasnt going to change and certainly couldnt of loved me, so it was a waste of time. I tried to be patient with him, but I gave and gave and got nothing in return except the fact that he hurt me tremendously. His ex was more important than me. I cant believe you’re asking…did it work? Of course not! Those relationships are wrong from the beginning and if you have any self respect you end it.
My first relationship with a guy, i was abused.
He was sweet and gentle at first, then after our first year anniversery he became violent.
He would throw things at me when he was mad. He would slap be and shove me around when i would state my own opinon.
He would scream in my face and kick me down when i didnt give him what he wanted.
He would tell me to take nude pictures for him, and if i didnt he would threaten me and he would beat me up.
One time he beat me up so badly that i came home with bruises everywhere a black eye and my cheek bleeding.
My best friend tyler got tired of seeing my covered with bruises and scars from him. So he went and told my boyfriend that i want to break up with him. He got angery and that night i was walking home from a friends house and beat me up, he had two of his friends with him and i just remeber them pushing me around and then i fell, they starte kicking me while he punched me. A neighbor called the police and they all where arrested.
To help myself through that relationship I went to a therapist. I finally got over the fear of men and I am now with a wonderful guy. He is amazing and has never once hurt me, we are now engaged and going to marry once we are finished with highschool.
i was with my hs sweet heart and once he started to grab me by my shirt and slam me against the walls or bed just because he saw me talking to a guy i knew i was in for it. from that point on i cheated on him with my ex(not a random unknown stranger). and who i thought was my friend hated on me and told my boyfriend which made hi mfurious so he gave me a black eye.once he struck me in my face i showed his punk az. i started climbing on top of him pinning his arms down with my legs and going at his face which made him mad so he tried roll me over onto my back and get on top of me but little did he know that i carry my heata( pistol.i have a license) on me so i pulled it out and pointed at him and just got off andkept walking back. i did get pregnant by him. i didnt know i was a few months pregnant at the time as well. but when i found out i was prego with his baby, him and i were on our way 2 go eat and i didnt know he had a warrant for gun charge. little did i also know he had 400 grams of cocaine with him. so when we got pulled over he chunked that shit on me and told me to pack it. so i got caught with that shit so now my life is ruined. he’s in prison and im raising my baby alone with the help of my parents. but i am engaged to another man who loves me dearly and i could not have asked for a better gift from god. the 2 people in my life that i need 2 be fulfilled (my daughter and husband) but once a cheater always a cheater. they might slow down for awhile but it will occur again. men are easily tempted to see what kind of reactions a girl will make during sex or what a random girl will do during sex or for $ or drugs or whatever in exchange. girls are scandelous when it comes to husbands or boyfriends. girls dont care. they want to see if they can make married men cheat. if they lie about something little because they dont want to hurt your feelings or scared you’ll retaliate back against them then watch out. doesnt matter if he cheats, he better be a man about it and respect your mind and tell u the truth. lies about little things then i wonder what big things he’s hiding? the hurt part. well it depends but the 2 of u can grow and learn from the hurt. just make sure its not physical pain or cheating and lying. if its something minor like u fat in something but he lies and says u dont look fat then he cares about ur feelings. hes making u feel sexy n ur skin. so sit back and take notes of that person!
Well, i had a boy. Hes still mah boy. Sort of haha. We live in different states now but we still love eachother. Anywho, i moved to washingot to live with a relative. And i found oit i lived on this guys street. So we nuck out one night, and we automatically clicked. Then the next night that we snuck out, we started going out. And then the next time, i went to his house and we went to his bros party. He got out his guitar and started playing and singing….and i swear there was no one else in the room. I was mesmorized and thats wen i knew i loved him.
But i got caught one night, and they sent be back to california. It was inly for like a week tho. But then i appologized and all dat shiz so they let me come back. But of course i only was coming back just so i coud see him. It eas fourth of july, and i went to a parade with a friend. Danny(thats the boys name)dont know i came back to washington. So on the 4th of july, i saw him. And he was some of my friends. So i ran up to him and j hugged him. He was sooo surprised. But then he was acting wierd. So i asked my friend wat was wong wthhim, she sed he and this other girl were starting to like eachother, but only so he could try to get over me. Because he thot i was gone for good. But then later thst day, we were like we were together again. He was just glad i was back. The next week, we hung out, we were obviously together agen. And wen he left, a friend told me that a couple days before, at her party, he kissed that one girl. I yelled at him about it. I cudnt beleve he cheated on me. He kept saying no i thot u were gone for good. But thats a lie! Because he knew i was back! We got bak together on the 4th of july! I wasso mad! Cuss words were flying like i was saying the word "The" i cudnt tak to him for a while. I was so angry. But then i talked to the girl he kissed, and she was like…. I wudnt even call it a kiss. It was nothing. And jordan, he loves you so much. He saw u on the 4th. But he didnt think he wud ever see u agen after that. He thot u were visiting. And he was trying to get over you. Hedoesnt love any one but you." that really touched me. And i realized that im not gonna let this little thing get in the way. We love eachother waytoo much to let this throw it all away. So we stayed together. But then one nite i got drunk and i did something with another guy, and the next day wen the guy told me wat we did, i didnt tell danny, because i didnt really think it was a big deal, since i was drunk. but he found out and i realized wat i did was wrong to not tell him. We got over that sooner or later., but i jad to go bak to cali for good again, becuz my relatives were moving to spain. Our last nite was the most memerable. We wached a movie, he made me soup at 1 in the morning, tben we went outside, and we just layed under the stars. I dont know what it is, but something about the stars can make two people become one.
A few months after i left, he got a girl frend. Wich i didnt mind. Im not gonna ask him to wait 3 years! That wud be rediculos. But then…….. He lost his virginoty to her. And to see someone you love more than life, make love to someone else is very hard. I cried and cried and cried and cut, and drank, and drank, and cried some more. By far the most difficult thing i ever had to go thru, besides leaving him. I told him to never talk to me again. And we didnt speak for a while. After i cooled off a bit, we reaolved it.
It has been 6 months since we have seen eachother, and we are still madly in love. Of course its still gonna be difficult no mater what to see him with other girls. But i take comfort in it also, because i know that the other girl knows that she will never mach up to me. Danny and I, over came so many other things. It seems that every big dilema we have just makes us come out stronger in the end.
The two of us can get thu anything. I love him to death:)
I was in an extremely toxic relationship for almost 5 yrs. I tried everything possible to make it work, he always had this way of making me feel like whatever happened was my fault. I am/was by no means a weak or under confident person. But by the time our relationship finally ended I was feeling real low on the confidence scale. I was physically abused, verbally, mentally and emotionally. I had my money stolen, my car stolen,everything you can imagine, and only God knows what else. I found out he is an addict.
But believe it or not, I know this sounds way crazy but when he was good he was really good. He actually treated me like a lady, opened doors for me, was extremely polite.Bought me gifts, usually stole them back,to pay for his habit. Told me constantly how much he loved me, didn’t want nobody else but me, and kept telling me how he needed help, and was going to get help. So then I was feeling sorry for him. I supported him all through rehab two or three times, jail, numerous times, etc….all the while being faithful,loyal.
Finally I don’t really know what changed, maybe that he was no longer in control, I was getting my own place and begining to have friends again, he didn’t like that.
I was completely turned off by him, I couldn’t stand to even look at him, we had a fight I told him to leave and he never came back. Thank God, because I truly believe I would have been dead or in jail for killing him.
I found out recently that he had another girlfriend, while we were together, for how long I don’t know, that she knew about me, apparently didnt care, even said on her myspace blog they were getting married,and we were still together for 5 mos after that.
That’s my story, the short version. Lol!
My advice to you is this…IT IS NOT WORTH IT!!! Their are a million fish in the sea, and he’s not one of ‘em. Somewhere there is someone right for you who will not cheat lie or steal, I know sometimes its hard and you feel all alone but there are so many supportive groups out there to help too. Please don’t stay in this relationship, you are better than that and deserve much more.