Relationship advice (IS HE CHEATING AND SHOULD I KEEP HIM?)?
Okay, Before I even begin I would first like to ask all those who read this lets be mature, please be respectful when posting a comment. I’m looking for serious advice and I have went to a few friends but I didn’t want a biased opinion so I’m asking for help here.
My bf and I met on a dating website and talked for a few months before finally meeting up when we did it was a blast and that night we decided to start a relationship, He was the one to bring it up before I did but I gladly agreed. Before him I was in a horrible relationship with a guy who treated me like I was dirt knocked me up, cheated on me while I was pregnant and then when I was 3 months and learned my baby passed he tried to tell me he was moving back home when he didn’t want me to know he was cheating and knocked that girl up but I found pictures of him and her on his bosses myspace, Not only did I lose my daughter but I lost the love of my life as well..but 8 months after I decided t0 try again that’s when I met my boyfriend I expected a lot more and I got more then I asked. Some things are questionable but I thought it was my own insecurities because I was hurt so much before and i’m terrified of going through that again, and I DON’T want to blame and punish him for my ex’s mistake because that would only push him away. Some things that bug me is the fact he still talks to his ex, and talks about her and even has pictures of them and her still he told me when we got together that he still talks to her and is friends with her and her family, I understood but when i’m in the car with him and he talks to her for a half hour and even said something along the lines of "like Monday when we went out to dinner" now I don’t know if he was talking about them or something else but when he got off the phone I asked him if she knew about me and him and he said no and i said is there a reason and he told me that she’s a ex he doesn’t know what goes on in her life and she doesn’t need to know what goes on in his..Okay that’s reasonable explanation. That night I asked if he still was in love with her because I don’t want to be a rebound, He told me no but he still cared about her but he’s not in love with her even though they where together for 2 years. He talks about her to me all the time even when I dont bring it up, I find this disrespectful and kind of hurtful but I dont say anything because I said it was Okay before and I dont want to look insecure or push him away. When we went to mackinaw he hesitated telling his mother who he was with on the phone, He claims he’s told his mother about me. I’ve met his roommates but I still haven’t met any other of his friends or even family. I recently saw that he was on the dating site we met on when I was going to delete my account. I still havent brought any of this up to him because i’m afraid of pushing him away if nothing is wrong. He seems like a good guy besides a few things but I dont want to put up with someone who is using me and eventually going to hurt me like my ex did. I made a promise to myself that I wasnt going to let a guy treat me like that but for some reason I feel like i am? I want to believe I could make it work or fix whatever is broken and make him respect me but I cant make someone do something they dont want.
I Just wish he knew what it felt for me when I was hurt so much so he wouldn’t hurt me like my ex did if that is his intentions. I’m starting to think all men are the same because I have not found a good one and the ones I’ve found treated me horribily and i’ve never done anything to deserve that but give my heart and be caring, Thats just how I am,
What do you think I should do? Should I talk to him and if I should what do I say? how do I bring it up?
So I dont have biased opinions on here I should also state a few good things about him. He’s caring, A very good sales person and out going and very funny and he complimented my mother.
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Tagged with: bf • cheating • dating website • dirt • half hour • insecurities • love of my life • Met • mistake • quot • relationship • Relationship Advice
Filed under: Infidelity Warning Signs
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I think that from what you have said here, he isn’t taking your relationship very seriously if he hasn’t mentioned you to anybody he knows, apart from his room mates. He seems ashamed of you and constantly goes on and on about his ex to you, so can’t even be tactful and respect your feelings. If he loved you, he would have deleted that profile in the site where you both met, as there wouldn’t be any need for it anymore. You deserve much better than him and shouldn’t allow him to treat you badly anymore. I realise it is hard to trust men after being hurt in the past. I have been hurt too but have met a man who i adore and love very much. If i can do it then so can you, good luck!
You may not feel like it, but you deserve better.
He’s obviously more concerned with his ex’s feelings than yours.
Usually, if we wonder if someone is cheating, there’s a reason.
Move on, you can do better.
Sorry
Luck
honey let him go he was not there for u when u needed him. He is only keep n u on da side so if things don t work out wit him he is open to kum bac to u. don t fall in 2 da trap
If in your heart you feel like its not right, it probably isnt. Hes suppose to have moved on why is he still talking to his ex and if hes trying to be honest then why so much mistery about you. Dont hurt yourself even more one bad relationship should be enough. Move on and find someone else. There is plenty of single guys out there with no baggage that are looking for a real relationship. I wish you the best.
I think that you should be careful any guy that still keeps his dating site and talks about his ex might not be a keeper. Like I’m sure he’s a great guy and makes you smile but, it is not fair for you to have to sit there and listen to that. Some thing you could try is start talking about "your ex"(Not a real person). And say you ran into each other at the store and just got talking and are going out for dinner later. See how he reacts, go hang with a friend for a while then come back later that night and talk and this "ex".
good luck
Try sitting down with him and talking about all these things that are bothering you, no matter how big or small the seem to be.. they are bothering you and you have a right to express yourself. If he can’t understand your feelings because of what you’ve been through and doesn’t feel the need to try to help.. then he isn’t worth your time. Find someone better.
This sounds like a really horrible situation. I think you have every right to be insecure and wary of your current relationship, and it’s wonderful that you are trying not to pin your past on your current boyfriend.
My boyfriend is still friends with a few of his exes, which does bug me a little, but the difference is that they know he’s with me and they know that he isn’t going to give them another chance. I think that if exes stay friends, it’s a good idea to let them know that they are dating again, just to make it clear that the two of them are exes. One ex may get feelings for the other a while after the break-up, but if that person doesn’t know their ex is dating, it’ll be a bit awkward to bring it up. So that information really should be shared between friendly exes. Talking about an ex that much seems unhealthy to me, and I would feel really upset as well. The mere mention of one of my boyfriend’s exes just makes me mad, so I can only imagine how him talking about one for a half hour out of the blue would make me feel.
It’s hard to say whether he’s cheating or not. To me, it doesn’t really sound like he is, but you probably should talk about it with him. Just sit him down sometime and tell him you want to have a serious conversation about your relationship, and then start telling him what you’re feeling. Talk about your past if you haven’t mentioned it to him. Make it clear that you’re really scared about the past repeating itself, and that if he has any intentions of putting you through the same thing he should just walk out immediately. You went through a lot, and you definitely deserve someone who understands you and your pain.
it is understandable that you are being extra cautious in this relationship-and you should be-you said you wouldnt let yourself get hurt like that again-and protecting yourself means being alert. I would think that as your relationship has moved forward, he would not talk to her so often. The fact that he brings her up often-even when you are not talking of her is susect–it means he is thinking about her.
If he cares for you he should respect you and your feelings. If it bothers you that he talks to her so much he should respect that and talk to her less
If he is not being respectful of your feelings i would be concerned…
bottom line is go with your gut feelings-if you feel something is not right you are probably right
talk to him about it. tell him it doesnt feel right to you that she is on his mind so much etc. and straight out ask him if he is cheating on you.
If he is-leave
if he says he is not tell him there have to be some changes in order for your relationship to work
be honest with yourself and your gut feelings-they never lie
have you tried to think about what he is good at but what you are telling me is your ex hurt u but you didnt tell him i think you should and I am sorry for you loss of your baby .. but somethings you just cant fix and …… It should be your opionion and No one should crizicie you for it … me personaly i would of told him and hope for the best … I understand your situtioan Good luck if any questions You are free to contact me Good luck
My bestfriend was kind of in the same situation except the whole baby part, which im sorry for your loss i understand it can be very heartbreaking, but anywho she was dating her boyfrined of a year when she started seeing my brother, she was seing them both at the same time yeah i know wow but when she finally broke up wuth her boyfrined of 1year she and my brother still fight about the fact that she still talks to him and talks about him. Its hard to just stop talking to a person that you spent so much of your time with. i say you should trust him but dont put your whole heart into it. At first i thought my friend was being a little tramp lol but after sitting down and actually listening to what she had to say and looking at her emotions when she talked about it you begin to understand a little bit of what she feels and you begin to understand more. i mean she was with this guy for a 1year of her life, she was living with him and she was super close to his family and they were talking about becoming engaged and she saw herself spending the rest of her life with him, its kind of hard to just forget about something like that and just flush it down the eternal toielt of life ya know? so like i said give the guy a chance sit down with him maybe and asks why he still see’s her and why they still talk like they are still dating and really open your mind to what he has to say, make sure you tell him your not interrogating him your just trying to understand his view on things and then tell him about your view of things. this is a realtionship and realtionships are majorly based on understanding the other person and if you keep going in life just making usumptions then its not really going to get you anywhere but heartbreak and even paranoia. my other friend too got her heartbroken from her bf when he slept with her bff and she didnt take the time to listen to what he had to say to it for years and when she finally got the nerve to see what he had to say and and what he bff had to say she began to understand and finally she got the release of a lot of stress and she admits it felt really good to just know what happened and why it happened instead of thinking and being so paranoid about it.
Ok. That was a long post, but I think I can shed some light.
He still has feelings for her. He clearly does not want to have his ex-girlfriend out of his life. You are right to feel disrespected, it is extremely disrespectful to you to be talking about his ex around you, and especially talking TO his ex while you’re with him. He shouldn’t be talking to her at all. I don’t know how long you’ve been dating, but something is wrong with that picture.
The best way to tell if he truly still has feelings for her is to tell him it really hurts you that he is still so close to his ex. In my opinion, as a mature male who has had serious relationships, if he’s keeping his ex around that close, while having another girlfriend, AND he hasn’t told his ex-girlfriend about you, AND he won’t tell his family, then its clear he’s using you as a substitute for his ex. In my opinion he’s waiting until his ex wants to get back together and then you will be left out to dry. Now, the fact that he’s caring doesn’t disprove anything I’ve said. He could be a really nice guy, funny, friendly, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t still want to be with his ex. If he really didn’t want to, then he would have no problem phasing her out of his life. I mean, who’s feelings does he care more about, yours or hers?
I don’t think he’ll cheat on you, he sounds like an upstanding guy, but I wouldn’t put it past him to break things off with you to go back to her, or to subconsciously sabotage the relationship so he can be available. Things like minimizing your feelings, getting upset over small things, wanting an abnormal amount of "free space".
If you want a serious relationship you should be able to be completely open with each other, to have no secrets. I’m guessing he would never let you look through his phone. I let my ex look through mine and I look through hers, not that we ever suspect each other of anything, but the fact we can shows a lot of trust.
Sounds like this boy isn’t ready for another committed relationship so soon, and maybe you aren’t either? You deserve someone who will respect your feelings, especially when it comes to exes, it’s pretty well established that you don’t keep chatting up your ex-girlfriend when you have a new girlfriend, I mean, that’s pretty straightforward. I mean every once in awhile is alright, like every 6mos, but ALL the time is not normal and should be questioned.
I say put your foot down, if he gets defensive and says you’re being ridiculous or controlling, then its obvious that he’d rather keep his ex in his life rather than you. Then its pretty clear what you need to do after that. Being single isn’t so bad.
Seems to me like he’s not really into you for the long run. He’s not telling people about you. He should tell his ex because they supposedly are still friends and talk so why wouldn’t he tell his "friend" about you. You haven’t met any of his family which means he doesn’t see the need to introduce them to you because he’s not that serious about you. If he’s still on that dating site, then he’s looking to see if anyone better is out there. I think he only wants one thing from you and when he’s done, he’s gonna dump you.
I’d say you should just leave him now. Tell him that if he doesn’t think it’s important for him to give you your place as his girlfriend then you’re not going to be his girlfriend. Tell him the things you need from this relationship and if he’s not willing to talk about it then he doesn’t really want you.
You deserve better. Go out and find it.
i would try talking to him. tell him u need to talk face to face and u do not want him to take it the rong way but u like to know why u have not met any of his family then add in there about the dating website and just tell him it seem lke he is clooser to his ex then u if that how u fell but i just a 17 year old kid what do i know