Was this an extramarital affair?
***POSTED HERE BEFORE, YES, BUT JUST LOOKING FOR MORE RESPONSES/ADVICE. IF YOU REALIZE THIS AND IT BOTHERS YOU, IGNORE IT!
Did I have an extramarital affair?
I reconnected with an old school chum over a year an a half ago and for about a year, sporadically, we kept in contact. I used to invite her over a lot at first, we’d drink together and she’d stay over (in another bedroom) while my husband was away working. On the first night, she told me she was in love with me. In fact, I guessed it, and this was after I asked her all about her private life, which I wanted to know about very badly. I think I always knew. And I always had similar feelings, even if I find that hard to admit even to myself. I didn’t say anything to her because I felt I would have been betraying my marriage, and I am not gay. In fact, all I said to her when she acknowledged she was in love with me was, "I’m married, ____."
I don’t believe in bisexuality as bisexuals are really gay people who because of society say they like the opposite sex and couple up with them. I told her this was what I believe.
We talked very personally, about sex often as I was wanted to know about her life and how she has sex, even if it’s not my kind of sex. That doesn’t make me gay. We slow danced twice one night before Christmas. She asked me to and I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. Plus, we were drunk. And then she took me into her arms as I was turning out the lamps before bed and I stayed in them for probably 2 or 3 minutes, relaxed in them. Also, she had her hand on my inner thigh once, for a long time, and I didn’t tell her to move it. I was drunk. And she rubbed/massaged my legs and feet another night, but it felt so good that I didn’t tell her to stop. And the last time she stayed over, some 6 months after we reconnected, we had a 3 hour emotional blow-up about everything.
Things were going in a direction that was not good for me, after that, so I basically stopped talking to her for a good six months until I was drunk one night after watching Grey’s Anatomy’s season premiere last year and I msged her on Facebook and wanted to call her at 1 am to resolve some things. I was drunk again. And when she called me the next day, I avoided her.
Did I cheat, or was I just curious about her? I am 100% heterosexual, and I told her this. She is gay.
I don’t think it was an affair. It was all her and her feelings for me that created this. I was just being nice and didn’t want to hurt her. I love my husband.
Thanks.
Oh, and for more context of our history and everything, a couple of years before I had a child and got with/married his father, I asked her to make love to me, a decade before this all happened. She didn’t, then. Wasn’t ready, she wasn’t, and then I moved on. And then this happened almost ten years later. I’ve been pretty depressed and affected by it since, gained a lot of weight and am generally unhappy, but stay for the kids and my husband because it is the right thing to do for my family. And I gave her that, ultimately, as my bottom line, which I am sticking to, though it is so hard everyday and I can’t stop thinking of her.
FrittyKitty, that was rude. Why even comment and say that? And thanks everyone else.
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Tagged with: bisexuality • christmas • Extramarital Affair • feelings • first night • inner thigh • lamps • last time • legs and feet • long time • love • marriage • night before christmas • old school • private life • school chum • six months
Filed under: Catch A Cheater
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If your husband let some man put his hands all over him and this guy did to him, what you let your friend do to you. What would you think? You would think your husband was gay and he cheated on you. Right?
I think you’re like so many gay people who get married. They don’t want to be gay. They want to live the life of a straight person. Get married and have kids. Let’s face it, living the life of a straight person is so much easier then being gay. But no matter how hard you try, you can’t force yourself into being something you aren’t. At least you can’t do it and be truly happy and content.
Count up how many times you felt compelled to tell us you’re not gay. She protests too loudly…
I think everyones realtionships are diffrent and diffrent familys have diffrent standards not making anyone wrong or right, its just what works for you. If your husband doesnt know I think you should tell him and see how he feels about it. He may or may not care but I think if you wait or plan on not telling him, it may build up and keep bothering you. Even tho something may not be accepted by most in society…i doesnt matter, like I said its what works for you.
no way am i ready all this $hit
You want us to define an affair for you? I think that you can do that by yourself. It seems that you may want help in defining love and if you actually have that for your husband and how to tell him that you are not who he thinks you are. Those are the bigger issues here. Where can you be honest with anybody, including yourself? Once you start figuring that out the rest of the answers will come to you, especially the one about bisexuals, the one area you don’t want to admit is there so you don’t have to be put into it. That’s convenient.
everything about your question says that you are gay except for the 500 times you say that you aren’t LOL! so you say i’m not gay but "i asked her to make love to me" what the? if you are gay or bi which you don’t believe exsists then who cares? maybe you are just really curious and when you do it you will find it’s not for you, or you will find out you like it a lot. but no you didn’t have an affair you have a close friend who cares for you. but you said you didn’t do anything. even though at one point you wanted to LOL!!
Be it man or woman, you cheated, it’s that simple.
No it was not an affair. Stick with your family, kids are most important. BUT what if you invite her to be with you and your husband? Might be a time bomb, might be a solution?
At first it sounded like you loved your husband then it sounded like you were only with him for the kids. Sounds like you have a really nice family, but you know what ppl say "the grass isn’t always greener on the other side"! Don’t be sad! I think you were just being curious on what it could have been. but nothing happend so dont worry about it!
You know as I read this there is one thing that stands out in what you have said and that is everytime you experienced a relationship with her you say you were drunk.
You held her for three minutes–you were drunk
you danced with her–you were drunk
You allowed her to massage your feet and legs–you were drunk
You messaged her on facebook–you were drunk
and in all of this you say you are heterosexual. The question isn’t was this an extramarital affair or were you cheating ? That’s not the problem because as you stated whenever you were sober you acted with responsible thinking. The problem you have is with ALCOHOL !!
you need to curb your drinking problem and it appears if you do all of these other problems will go away. Yes your husband and kids should come first and that is good SOBER thinking. I suggest you break all ties with her and find other friends and continue to live with and love your husband and children and LEAVE THE BOOZE ALONE.
What you did with her women just don’t do unless they are gay or bi.You slow danced with another woman and you let her touch you ok so you were dunk don’t you know that’s when we have the courage to do the things we really want to do. Is your self esteem that low to where you think only another woman could find you attractive. I don’t mean to hurt your feelings I just know I wouldn’t let another woman do to me what you let her do and what you did to her that’s all I’m saying. It’s gay what you two did wheather you want to admitt it or not. You have sexual feelings for her I sure don’t have feelings like that for my best friend.