Signs of cheating or escape?
Our Relationship: It’s a unique one. I’m in the military stationed overseas and shes back in our hometown. We were old friends from high school who found each other again early 08. Eveything came togther real nicely and we got married in the fall. The whole time we’ve been "dating" or married we’ve only seen each other maybe 3 months total. She has a son who’s in school and we’ve decided it’s not a good idea to bring him to where I’m at yet. Obviously this is stressful for us both. Other stressers on her side are her mom (she lives at home now) and son. Which getting out of the house is her main reason for going out-at least that what she says.
Situation: My wife occasionally stays out all night long. This really bothers me because I worry that shes cheating on me. There have been several nights where I’ve stayed up worrying about where shes at or what she’s doing. During the nights she is normally drinking and at some bar. I know that doesn’t alway mean anything but it can change someones judgement. It has gotten to the point where I’m really distrusting of her and what she tells me shes been doing. The normal line is I’m sorry, I go out and end up getting drunk or putting myself in situation I don’t want to be in. She’s really apologetic the next day and swears to thats she’s not cheating and that she’s just has some control problems when she’s out-meaning she feels like she wants to come home but doesn’t. The distrust I have built has me really debating the value of staying in our realationship.
Most Recent Event: The other night she went out around 1 in the morning and didn’t get home till 8. I’m a several hours ahead of her and woke up to call. I got no answer or response to any calls or txt until 7-she said she was sleeping. After I finally talk to her she said she had went to a bar-hung out-then gave a guy who works there (who doesn’t have a home) a ride to a hotel where she got a room in her name for him-after she couldn’t go home b/c her parents locked the door-so she drove around for a few hours. There’s more to in the details. But I’m really torn b/c part of me knows that she’s really nice, sweet, and the type of person who would do that and then another part of me doesn’t understand why she would be out that late anyways. I’ve talked to my family and friends and just thought some outside views might help me sort things out. I don’t want a divorce but I also don’t want to be cheated on-figuring it out is the hard part.
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Tagged with: distrust • eveything • getting drunk • hometown • judgement • M 105 • mom • old friends • paren • realationship • relationship • signs of cheating • whole time
Filed under: Infidelity Warning Signs
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I am a military spouse and I am stationed overseas. My husband and I have been separated for long periods of time and there is a "strain" on the relationship when you are apart for that long. A lot of people can’t talk to others about this because unless you’ve been a military spouse or soldier, then you can’t begin to understand how someone feels in this particular situation. When my husband is gone, we have to work twice as hard to keep our marriage together. Trust becomes a huge factor because you have to try and believe what they are telling you or else it will drive you crazy! You can’t expect your wife to stay home 24 hours a day to wait around for you to call. Keep in mind, I don’t think you are doing that I’m just saying that they can’t. Sometimes they need a break too. However, when you are married, you should never place yourself in any situation that can possible tempt you to do something you will regret. That’s what she is doing. I would say that you got a problem with this wife of yours. She has lied to you, she goes to bars at all hours of the nights, she told you she was at home and then later tells you that shes been at a bar and drove a guy to a hotel where she got him a room in her name, that’s not right. I’m not saying she’s lying, but she certainly isn’t helping her situation any. Telling you that she got a room in her name, saves her from you getting a bank statement with her name on it and she has given you an excuse. I would say that you should talk to her and maybe your chaplain or commander and see if you can go on leave to try and straighten your marriage out and find out what’s going on.
I hate to break it to you but she’s cheating. Happily married women come home at night whether their husbands are there or not.
Especially those with children!
edit: let me just add that NO married woman who is faithful to her husband would give any man a ride to a HOTEL and then get him a room in her name unless she is planning on staying there with him.
I am sorry but you can do better! She is cheating what women stays out all night and is faithful none! She is going to keep doing this to you cause she knows you are going to put up with it.
Happily married women do come home. And they do not stay out all night. Sounds like she wants to childless and marriedless. She most likely feels tied down. Talk to her about, I do not think you should trust her about her helping this guy out. Let her know gently that you thinks that is just bull sh&t. See how she reacts.You do not have to divorce her. That is only one choice. Good Luck.
Married women do not conduct themselves in such manner nor do they put themselves in those kinds of situation for things like that to happen… my husband is also in the military and sometimes he is gone 6months at a time. I know how incidents like the above can cause a strain in any relationship so I don’t do things like that because he already has too much on his mind and I don’t want him staying up late at night overseas, wondering where I am at 1am in the morning. So, to avoid that, I refrain from such activities until he gets home and we do them together.
Your wife does not sound very committed to your marriage. She is aware of how stressed out she makes you feel when she acts this way, yet she continues to do it with flimsy excuses. You have to figure out what it is that you want to do…but based on what you said, I honestly do not think she is being faithful, while you are gone.
Good Luck…
You already know that she is cheating and I think 100% she is cheating. You got the confirmation from the outside sources you needed
Whether you want a divorce or not the decision is urs.
She needs to stop going out late at night, she needs an escape? Then do it in the early evening and come home at a respectable hour.
Her behavior is not normal and as for the hotel in her name? What he didn’t have id? Or a credit card? Or anything to of booked it in his own name? And why did he even need a hotel room, does he not have a home to go to?
Her behavior is enough reason for distrust, she needs to change it.
but it does mean something when someone is out drinking all night long, going out getting drunk shows her judgment isn’t that good.u hardly seem to know her, and u only know what she tells u about her home life, u don’t know the other side of the story. she also sounds like a woman with a drinking problem. there really is no reason to be out and about drinking in some bar at night meeting other men, taking them to hotels, unless there is more to the story u aren’t seeing.i think this is just who she is, who she will always be,who she was before u married her, and who she will be when u return. she does things no married woman would do, unless this is just who she is. and if she is telling u its a way to escape her mom, her mom is probably asleep at this time of night. u need to hold her to a standard, she needs to have some boundaries, if not get out of this before u have children with this kind of woman. u have to tell her your not going to accept this anymore.when i was younger i went out to bars to meet men, and have fun. but once u marry, u don’t do this anymore.
it sounds to me like she’s cheating, but you’ll never have anything but a gut feeling with your living situation. she should respect you enough not to stay out all night. just being a mother should be reason enough not to go out all night. since you’ve only been physically together for a total of 3 months, i would consider one of you moving. it sounds like you more settled down that her, so tell her you want her to move with you. check out the schools in your area and tell her that you have everything planned out. it’s not like you guys can live like this forever, so why not make the move now?
Your wife’s behavior is totally disrespectful of you and your marriage. No married woman or man should be hanging out at the bar all night long, esp. when there are children involved too. Look, I know this is hard for you to handle being away, but I think your heart already knows the truth—it’s just hard for you to accept and I think that you are asking questions from others to help you come to terms with the truth you already know deep down. I can guarantee you that most women do NOT behave that way. You deserve to have a woman in your life who adores you and would never cheat on you. When a man stays out all night, you know what he’s doing. Multiple that times two when you think of a woman staying out past 10.
She is far more likely then not to be cheating on you. She probably married you because you are in the military and that offers her steady income, insurance and so forth, all while offering her the ability to have you gone and to have all the fun she wants.
Look, if she is not a cheat, she is still doing all she can to make anyone with a brain think she is a cheat. Which tells me she is immature, uncaring, disrespectful and selfish. Are those the qualities you would list as wanting in a wife? I wouldnt.
Now, it is true that in most cases, we dont really know for sure unless we catch someone in the act or have them on video. But when a person behaves in this manner for longer then a minute, they cannot scream it is unfair to think of them as being a cheat or to assume they are. Even if they are not a cheat, they are complete dumbass and you still dont need them.
If you put peanut butter under the rim of a toilet, it does not change it to anything other then what it is. But then again, I wont taste it to make certain. Some things are just safe and okay to assume. Even if another tells you that it may just be peanut butter, they dont want to taste it either. Get it?
She is cheating
She is cheating, my wife would do the same sort of things. She doesn’t respect you and you should try to find someone who does.
The most recent event should tell you something about her personality and her priorities. She’s hanging out with a guy from a bar, who supposedly doesn’t have a home, and then rents a hotel room in her name? Doesn’t that sound odd to you? It doesn’t even sound logical because it’s a story that she made up. Sorry, but she is cheating and clearly she does not value your marriage. Please get out of this marriage as soon as possible and try to find a woman who will appreciate you. I know that this is tough since your are overseas with the military and dealing with enough already over there. Seek out a Chaplain if you need to talk confidentially and have him or her help you through this.
Get a private detective to check her out, one way or the other.
Then you can decide for yourself.
Or get "special" leave without her knowing, then you can find out for yourself. Tell your boss you have a private problem you MUST sort out.
Tell them the truth if you must. Even the military understand you cannot be effective while under such stress, they will understand.
Back home rent a car.
Follow her to wherever she goes at night. If it’s a bar, stay outside until she comes out, and with who. You could also disguise yourself if you want to take a peep inside.
You will find out the truth.
But it doesn’t look good I’m afraid.