This is for cheating spouses. Instead of cheating why did you just not leave your husband or wife?
For the spouses that have cheated or are cheating. Why not be honest with your spouse and leave the marriage. Why stay where you are not happy, because you cannot be happy if you are cheating, and get a divorce? Isn’t it better to leave rather than hurt the one you love? What did you do if you got caught up with a disease or a baby out of the affair, if this applies? Or what did you do when your spouse found out, if this applies? Why not just leave instead of cheat? I am curious to know this.
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Tagged with: cheating spouses • divorce • Husband Wife • love • marriage
Filed under: Catch A Cheater
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I’m not a cheating spouse; however, I think many spouses who cheat don’t WANT to leave their spouse. They do it for the momentary thrill and sexual gratification. Some even do it for a self-esteem boost. To give up the comforts of a home, money, and the person who knows you and accepts you is too much for cheaters - they want something fun and thrilling on the side, with comfort and security at home.
cuz if I’m to hot for just one man, they can’t afford me.
I have never cheated but my opinion is that they are weak and selfish.
Everyone answer is gonna be different, mine was because i was so young. Id been with him since i was 14 got preggo at 15 and we got married at 17. The entire time i was finishing school and starting college he NEVER helped and never wanted to be a family. That’s why i cheated, and i was young and dumb and didn’t wanna leave because it was a stability issue. I wasn’t happy and had to go somewhere else but i was afraid of divorce and telling everyone and i thought my son would lose his dad. It was dumb i wish i had left or my parents never signed that paper letting us get married so young. And i really didn’t look at it like i was hurting him because he was hurting me and our son and someone else was trying to fix it, he knew and did nothing about it. He wanted his friends and freedom more then us. And he did find out but i felt guilty and told him. Sad i wish it hadn’t gone that why i did love him once upon a time!:(
Just because someone has an affair doesn’t necessarily signify that they’re "not happy" in their marriage. Most folks love a good roller-coaster ride - yet I don’t think anyone would agree to live on a roller-coaster. The ride is only pleasurable as a short break from standing on solid ground.
Yes, many affairs happen because people are unhappy; but just because someone is unfaithful doesn’t automatically mean they are unhappy or want out of the marriage.
We both tried to fix the marriage, but it wasn’t fixable.
The affair happened one small step at a time…it was a slippery slope that became of wedge between us.
During the affair, our communication (The thing that was previously un-fixable) increased. The affair was revealed and we learned how to grow BECAUSE of it, not in spite of it.
We stayed in the marriage (unhappily as you say) for a few years, working on our issues for 2 reasons.
1. One of us took the vows seriously and wouldn’t divorce. That made the other party reflect and analyze family and personal values.
2. We have kids and their mental welfare took priority over the "feelings" of discontent of the cheating spouse.
We worked through a TON of issues and came out BETTER because the affair forced us to reveal our true selves.
2nd marriages have a 70% higher failure rate than first marriages because people leave, remarry and bring their problems to the second marriage.
Affairs are not the cause of marital discourse, they are the result of a larger internal issue with both people. I am so glad our counselor and my wife took the time for us to recover from this chapter in our lives.
Sometimes men just don’t want to deal with the drama of divorce. Especially if they have allot to loose like their house, cars, reputation at work, divorce, child support, child visitation, etc.
Also, I strongly believe that if you really love someone you will do everything in your power NOT to hurt them. My ex husband cheated on me. I know that he cared about me, but our "love" was lost and gone.
It seem like you’ve been cheated on. The bottom line is this… if he’s asking for forgiveness…
1. Are you willing to leave him and never go back?
OR
2. Are you willing to forgive him and put this behind you?
It’s gonna take time…. Time is your worst enemy cause it’s so slow, But Time can also be your best friend cause it cures the broken heart.
Good Luck… Be strong. Think of Hilary Clinton.
good question….
the only time i’ll cheat on my husband is when i’m cheating on him with food. lol
So you know. A lot of people who cheat are not unhappy in their marriage, or lack the love for their partner anymore.
Sometimes things happen, for better or worse.
I have never cheated on my husband but he has cheated on me. I asked him the same thing and he really didn’t have an answer. I think in some cases people just want the thrill of sleeping with somebody else. Other times they don’t want to inconvenience themselves by packing up, moving, finding another place to live, putting their friends and family in their business, separating finances, etc. It’s selfish but true.
I have not cheated but I can honestly answer your question.
People don’t usually cheat because they want their whole life to change. They cheat because they are missing something. They don’t want rid of EVERYTHING - they just want that need to be met. Most of us have some kind of need that is not being fully met. Whether or not we commit some kind of injustice to satisfy it is another matter. Some people have weak resolve and dedication and easily cave to their push to get a rush or a thrill. Some people are so unbearably miserable in just one respect (such as a lack of sex, but an otherwise excellent family life) that they would rather find that need elsewhere than ruin everything else that is so good.
Don’t get me wrong - I never excuse cheaters. Sometimes, however, I understand why they do what they do, and on rare occasion I even feel for them.
Take the following (true) story.
A couple we know. After a few years of marriage and two kids his wife decided she just didn’t want sex anymore. Period. She got the idea that this is perfectly OK and her resolve was backed up by therapists and her family. He apparently was just supposed to whack off for the rest of his life. Every marriage counsellor told him to simply "understand". They had sex only 28 times over the next TEN years. He kept track. And of those 28, 19 were "make it quick".
To make matters worse, he had to hide any kind of sexual drive whatsoever. If she actually CAUGHT him whacking it, or even thought he was eyeing a pretty girl - even on TV - he caught hell for it.
However, every other aspect of his marriage and family was excellent. She was a wonderful dedicated mother and (except for sex) wife. He loved his children and they loved him.
He had this ONE - just ONE - need not being met. And it was not being met so badly he was going borderline crazy. So he had two choices:
1. Leave her.
2. Cheat on her.
He had spent the last ten years trying therapy and romancing her and got nothing for it.
So, in this (admittedly extreme) example - what’s he to do? I still don’t think it’s OK to cheat, but which is the greater crime? Shatter his otherwise perfect family so he can get laid? Or once in a while get his rocks off elsewhere and everyone can live their happy life?
For some it’s more simple. Maybe someone just wants to feel sexy, wanted, important, etc. Or maybe they just want someone to not nag or berate them all the time. Still not OK, but I see why it happens.