If your spouse was cheating and your friend knew about it, would you want them to tell you?
A lot of people post about a dillemma they have when they find out a friend’s spouse is cheating - they ask on here whether to tell their friend or not. Most respond that they should ‘mind their own business’ but what do you think?
1. Would you rather find out yourself?
2. If you found out your friend knew all along, how would you feel?
Personally, I would want the heads up. I was dating a guy who went back to his ex girlfriend while we were still together. My friend knew about it all along but chose to stay out of it. I felt like a fool, but I guess there was a bit of a conflict of interest since the ‘ex’ was also a friend of hers.
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Tagged with: Conflict • conflict of interest • dillemma • ex girlfriend • fool • own business • Spouse Cheating
Filed under: Infidelity Warning Signs
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I would want the heads up. After my wife left, a mutual friend told me about a guy she was currently seeing. I said, wow, that was quick (5 days after she left). He raised his eyebrow. I said, "I’m not stupid dude." Turns out he was playing her anyway, and it filled my heart with joy.
I would want the heads up also. I think it’s part of being a friend - to let them know when you are being dumped on.
ignorance is bliss for some people
A true friend will tell you the truth.. what can you say the truth hurts..
I would want her to tell me. When I was married the first time and my husband was cheating and a neighbor that I did not know told me. I will forever be grateful to her.
I would want to know, so I can dump the cheater. I think all of my friends are close enough to me to understand I’d want that.
Yark..Bletch…Shudder….
I always feel sick thinking of situations like that…
My ex always cheated…my friends always told me…he always denied it…always a big awful mess.
Now, my husband would never cheat on me…and if he did, I’d pray to God that it was only once, didn’t mean anything, and that I would never never know.
Is that crazy?
Yes, I agree with you, I would also want to know. But communicating this info is sometimes very difficult.
Heads up. All the way. that’s what friends are for. And STD stink.
jp
I believe it’s a mighty crappy friend who wouldn’t tell. If I found out something like that, then found out my friends knew and didn’t tell me, that would be a double-kick in the stomach. They would get the boot every bit as much as my spouse… I don’t need "friends" like that.
I would want someone to tell me. If my good friend’s husband was cheating, I’d give her the hint.
If someone was my friend i would want them to tell me but i would not tell that she is the one who told me.that is where people do mistakes i tell you your husband is cheating on you dont go telling on me that i am the one who told you. keep it to your self.But i wouldnt like if my friend let me go on being cheated on while she watches, that is not fair.
This actually happened to me. I found out from my husband that my best friend’s husband was cheating on her (our husbands worked in the same office and mine found out through the grapevine). I knew that she didn’t know, and that she would be devastated, but I also knew that if it were me, I would 110% want to know. I told her, and I thought that the friendship would be over because of it, but it wasn’t. Her marriage was, though. I never really considered not telling her because I would count myself as a terrible friend if I didn’t.
I think I would pick a person of better character than that. Both friend and husband being without people of virtue.
You are only as good as the people who you associate with. If your relationships are of honest trustworthy people then you have nothing to fear.
I would want a heads up on the situation for the simple fact that I would do the same for you what are girlfriends there for but to look out for each other… I do the same for my sisters and friends even male friends .. i dont care who it is if i feel some one is has mistreated them or been unfaithful i will tell them and then leave them to make their own decisions..
kool
I would want SOMEONE to tell me! i wonuldn’t want to be sleeping with that and NOT knkow! gross.
I’d want to know.
If my friend new and didn’t tell me, and i fount out i’d be even more annoyed
I would also want to know and if I knew my best friend’s husband was running around on her, I’d tell her as far as I know right now BUT there is still the saying and belief about "Shoot the messenger" that always comes up too that you have to think about also. Somehow, the one who lets them know seems to be the one who ends up getting in trouble for it somehow with everyone mad at them a lot of times… sometimes because it’s just info people DON’T want to hear.
I wouldn’t want my friend telling me and I would be understanding why they didn’t. Chances are I would find out on my own anyways.
Having been in that position and having not one person tell me until after I broke up with the bastard, I say hell yes. It was nearly as much a betrayal as the cheating, knowing everyone else knew, and not a single one had the balls to let me know. And it wasn’t just a one night thing either, this was continuous cheating with a number of women, in the company of many people I considered friends. So much for their friendship.
If they consider themselves my friend at all I think a part of that is protecting each other from harm. Now if it was acquaintences, I probably would not get involved at all, but if my best friend was being cheated on, you can be certain that something would be said, but only if I were absolutely positive.
I’d want the friend to tell me but also would want him/her to tell me how they knew, with whom they saw my wife with and where, what time etc.
On the other hand I can see where it might cause some hard feelings between my friend and me if I questioned my wife and she denied it.
I mean who would you believe?
I would definately want them to tell me. If they didn’t, and I found out and also found out they knew about it, I would not be their friend anymore. They weren’t really a friend to begin with. Keeping a cheating secret from a friend is like telling the cheater you agree with them and telling the person being cheated on that you don’t care about them. I would want to know, whether I found out myself or through someone else. Cheating is wrong in all aspects.
I say tell them but show proof that your telling the truth, but when the fight is over usually your the bad guy over there relationship.
Usually you can tell if a person is cheating because the way they talk, move and interact with you but try to ignore it because you don’t want to confirm your doubts, If my friends knew about this and never tell me well there not my true friends after all.
I wouldn’t tell. I always thought I would but you have to be in a situation to know.
Now I’m no hottie, not a dog either, just your average girl next door BUT:
One of my best friend’s husband came onto me once and I didn’t have the heart to tell her because I never liked him anyway and I made no secret that I thought he wasn’t good enough for her but I didn’t want to be the one to break her heart. THEN
My sister’s boyfriend decided he’d fallen in love with me and he’d picked the wrong sister (they’d been together for 4 years) but she was so into him that she sold her house to help him build his business and she was then renting and I wasn’t going to be the one to burst her bubble. FINALLY
My eldest sister’s husband of 18 years decided he was in love with me (he is like a brother to me ewwwe) and whilst he insisted he didn’t want to sleep with me, he said he couldn’t stop thinking about me and he kept calling and coming around and whilst there is no way in hell I could see him in any other way than a big brother, there is no way I was going to risk breaking up her ancient marriage by telling her this - and I was right, 4 years on, he is over his little mid-life crisis and they are closer than ever as far as I’m aware and I’m glad I didn’t break her heart.
So no, if they’re gonna find out then fine, but I’m not going to be the one to tell them.
1. Would like to just find out period if it was happening.
2. I’d be hurt, feel betrayed probably.