Is my husband cheating or am I just becoming obsessed with the idea?
My husband and I have been married for 8 years, together for 11. We have 4 children ages 12, 9, 8, and 5. Over the last few months things have been standing out to me. My husband has not really changed at home (still interested in sex), (still doing things with th kids) and so on. We actually just had a vacation with us all last week. However, I have noticed that he hadn’t taken a shower in like a week at home and found out that he takes one sometimes at work after work. His excuse is that he wanted to get the diesel off him. (He’s a heavy equipment mechanic). Also, he comes in at all times. 8, 9, and sometimes 9:30. His excuse is working late (which there is income to prove some overtime). We live back in the country and have a hard time getting cell phone service, so sometimes on his way home, he pulls off on the side of the road and talks before coming on home. Says he’s talking to his best friend who is also in a band with him. He does have passwords for his phone and keeps it on silent. The thing that pushed me over was that our cell phone bills were in the mailbox when we got back from vacation and I just left them lying in my car. He took his. When I thought that odd he got mad and told me not to start again about it. (I had an episode like this about a year ago.) He said "It’s been 11 years, when is this going to stop?" "I haven’t done anything wrong." I KNOW that he loves me and the kids, and he has always said that he got married once and once only, and has never condoned affairs to any extent. We have always had seperate bank accounts, so I can’t see what he’s spending money on. He just gives me a certain amount on money every 2 weeks for the bills. I want to go to the cell phone place and get a copy of the bill, but if he hasn’t done anything, then I feel like I an breaking a trust that I should, but don’t have and he would be furious. I don’t know if i am having a so called "gut feeling" or if I am on to something. This is driving me crazy and will eventually ruin our marriage I’m afraid. BTW… I dont know what age has to do with it, but I am 28 and he’s 34. Any advice?
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Tagged with: 11 years • 8 years • best friend • cell phone bills • cell phone service • diesel • excuse • extent • gut feeling • hard time • heavy equipment mechanic • Husband Cheating • Idea 97 • Overtime • passwords • spending money
Filed under: Catch A Cheater
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Us girls do have a sixth sense about that stuff. If you feel like something isn’t right…then it’s probably not.
Make sure this is not your own nagging doubt getting the best of you. Do you feel like you have let yourself go? Does he not tell you you’re pretty anymore? Do you feel taken for granted? Is it possible your just missing his attention and are just afraid it’s your fault somehow? Nonetheless, it is a concern you are having and you have every right to discuss it with him. If he’s not willing to listen and reassure you then perhaps alleged cheating isn’t the only problem in the relationship.
He hasn’t given you any *real* indication that he’s cheating on you. Until he does so, you need to let it drop. Perhaps you need some counseling, since this seems to be a reoccuring pattern with you.
Just get a copy of the bill, and if there’s nothing odd about it, let this go. It’s best to ease your mind than keep thinking about it over and over.
Contact the show "Cheaters"….
Stop driving yourself crazy. Go ahead and get his cell bill and find out. Then you can confront the problem IF there is one.
well just go to the cell phone place and get a copy of the bill and if you see that he’s not cheating then at least you know that you put your mind at ease. you dont have to tell him what you did or feel bad about it.
I believe in woman’s tuition…
If you suspect something, then you need to investigate it further.
He sounds sneaky. Why else would he hide the cell phone bill and keep a seperate bank account?
Most providers allow you to look at your statement online so, investigate it.
Good luck.
you are married and should have nothing to hide… since he locks his phone that is a sign for sure he is hiding something.. you may come off as untrusting but he is too by locking it… you need to tell him to let you see his phone right now… stay near him so he can’t delete anything.. if he says no tell him its over… he is obviously cheating.. anyone who is always "staying late" in my experience cuz i have a friend who is cheating and he is always "working late" yeah he is scum i bet he is lying somewhere down the line.. go catch him at it so you can move on and take half of everything
I am in the same boat with my wife. I feel certain that nothing is going on but cant convince my gut of it. Dont break the trust by snooping it will just fuel the fire. Trust in yourself and have faith in him. I know if I get diesel on me I wash it off right then. Good luck from what it sounds your okay.
We can’t tell you whether or not he is cheating or not. No one knows but him (and his girlfriend if he’s guilty). His shower excuse sounds very reasonable. The stopping and talking thing and keeping his phone locked… sounds a little suspicious. But who knows?
That said, if he IS cheating, then you DON’T know that he loves you. True love means NO cheating. Frankly, I think it is worth checking the phone bill. You’re not betraying a damned thing. You have a right to know what the money is being spent on, even if he isn’t cheating. When you’re married, it is all BOTH of your money, not just his. It is BOTH of your bill, not just his. You have a right to know what "his" money is being spent on.
Another good idea: when he works late, call his office. It has a phone of its own, doesn’t it? Or pop in and check in on him. Bring him a treat, and it won’t even look like you’re spying. Find out if he’s really doing what he says he’s doing. It isn’t hard to find out.
The best idea of all: obviously he is leading a separate life from you. He has his own bills, guards them fiercely, and starts a fight when you inquire. It doesn’t mean he is cheating on you, but it does mean that you two are not working together as a married couple should. I think it is time to get yourself into marriage counseling. If you’re unhappy, regardless of the reason, then it is time to do something about it. Make an appointment. Ask him to go. If he refuses, go yourself. It will really open your eyes.
Good luck!
If he had nothing to hide, he wouldn’t hide anything. He’s doing a lot of things to make you suspicious. That is never a good sign. At the very least, it sounds like he’s lost interest in his marriage. Basically, if you’re not happy then something’s wrong.
Have you tried going through his cell phone to check for numbers dialed and incoming calls? You can do that any night after he falls asleep. They probably won’t give you a copy of the bill unless you’re listed on the account.
Those are an awful lot warning signs for cheating, but no necessarily proof. He seems to get awfully defensive about his bill and other things, which are typically signs of infidelity, or at least lying.
Why not sit him down and talk to him? Pick a time when you’re not talking about it yet, and where you’re not fighting. Tell him that you’re feeling hurt, and sad. Tell him that you’re worried about your relationship and where it’s going. I’m sure if he loves you as much as he should he’d be willing to talk to you about some possibly solutions to the problem.
Would it help you to get a family cell phone plan? Then, the 2 bills just become 1, and you’d get to see everything on it. Also, it’s typically cheaper!
Why not explain to him that he’s making you feel insecure, and then site the different behaviors that you sited on here. Tell him you want nothing more than to have this marriage work, but you feel that you need to be open and honest and trust him for that to happen, and you cannot trust him with all these different behaviors.
As far as stopping on the side of the road to chat with his friend, ask your husband to come straight home after work and then call his friend from the home phone if there’s no cell reception. Seems like a fair solution to me. Also ask if he’d take the password off his cell phone. You should be able to trust one another.
If he gets overly defensive about any of this or refuses to do it then I’m sorry to say, he’s probably cheating. Maybe some counseling?
Good luck.
He’s cheating. That’s what they do. Your right. Go get the bill call the number he calls a gazillion times a day and say "Hi who are you… really… cause I’m (fill in blank)’s wife of 8 years and I’d like you to leave my husband alone.
Wait…how do you have a 12 year old together if you’ve only been with him for 11?
Well, some of his actions are a bit strange and would make any woman question him, I think. Don’t go off on him accusing him of cheating though, because you do not have any proof. Going to the cell phone store and trying to get a copy of his phone bill is not a good idea- if you are not an authorized user they store employees will most likely not release this kind of information, whether you’re married to him or not. Try suggesting getting a family plan, tell him it will save you both money, that way you will have a way to check the bill anytime. Other than that keep your eyes open and if his odd behavior continues, ask him about it, but try to stay calm and don’t get accusatory. Good luck to you.
if i were you i would check out his cell phone bill. if there is nothing suspicious on there, then let it go.
but if there are calls on there google the numbers and see what you get. men can be very convincing when they are seeing someone else. trust me. but i think if he is seeing someone, or even talking to someone else there should be proof on the cell bill. and you may can even look at the bill online. i have verizon and i can view my calls online.
good luck!
Hmmm… it doesn’t sound to me like he’s cheating but who knows? I know that it the past I was super paranoid about my boyfriend cheating and used to bring that up alot. He hadn’t cheated on my at this point but I kept going on and on about it and then he ended up doing it after awhile. We aren’t together anymore obviously but when he did cheat on me I knew it deep down in my gut, my intuition was definitely telling me that he was. I do believe though that when you have that gut feeling, their is no questioning whether you have it or not, it’s a strong feeling. I think that you’re being a bit paranoid, nobody wants to be accused of something they haven’t done. If he says he hasn’t then you gotta trust him more but also pay attention but not in a naggy and accusing way.
if you feel so strongly about it then get a copy.if you get a copy and theres girls numbers on there then your marriage is screwed.if you dont get a copy then your marriage is screwed also because you will always wonder. if you get the copy and no weird numbers are on it……then you can try to trust him. in my opinion the whole sepreat bank account thing is weird. My husband and i deal with everything together….thats the point of getting married. Partners through it all! i have kids too and i would hate to think that my husband and i could get divored, but at the same time a broken home is better then a fighting home….i came from both.dont be affraid to go with your gut. in the end its just you and your kids you really have to worry about.
Yeah, One big one. Back off and trust your husband. I am a truck driver and see diesel mechanics all of the time. Trust me… they are busy. Most of them who have a few minutes to talk to me, tell me about their wives and kids. Many phone calls are most likely from the shop asking about a job started or parts ordered. He’s in a band too…Wow that must take up some preparation deciding whom is available on what day. Keep happy and busy with your kids. Love your husband and things will be great. He married you so accept that and don’t look for reasons to start fights. Both of you will be miserable and and this would lead to an affair. Be secure in your marriage but observe odd things with minimal interest. If he is doing the naughty… it will eventually come to light and you can deal with it then.
Every "concern" you had has plausible explanations.
He’s done nothing in 11 years. And you’re in hysterics why? Of course he’s pizzed. Wouldn’t you be if he constantly accused you of screwing around?
You had 4 kids with a man you doubted?? Unless your name is in the cell bill, they won’t give you crap, or shouldn’t.
Yes, it WILL ruin your marriage. You are tearing it apart piece by piece with your insecurity. But that’s common for relationships that start at 17 and 23.
You are younger off he and i think he is just tired off his jobb.
From everything you’ve just explained, it’s kind of hard to tell…he has legitimate excuses for everything.
The thing that bothers me is the fact that he keeps his cell phone locked and on silence like he has something to hide. My advice to you would be to stop nagging him about it…let things blow over. Do you sometimes stop by his place of employment, unannounced, so that you two could do lunch? If that bothers him, then maybe you should hire a private investigator…if you could afford it, or try looking up his phone bill on the internet through your carriers’ web site.
I have to tell you honestly, that if you really can not handle finding out he’s cheating…STOP worrying about it and STOP nagging him about it…but the cellphone is usually a dead give away…that’s what got my "ex-husband" caught up…that and his own stupidity.LOL.
But seriously, nagging him about "anything", including cheating will only make him want to do it if he’s not, or more if he is already.
Usually, with time and NO nagging…he’ll slip up because he will have gotten comfortable and you’ll really get tell-tale signs, like comming home later than 9:30 and rushing in running straight for the shower or being on the phone while he’s in the bathroom w/ the water running, or turning up the tv or radio while he’s on the phone whispering. You can also look into cheaters.com if you’re bold enough, some people don’t want thier business aired on tv, where everyone can see it…but i’m just providing you with different options to consider.
Also, age has a lot to do with it, most men feel that when they date someone or marry someone younger than them that they have the upper hand experience -wise and the younger spouse is very gullible and naive.
Good luck, I pray for the sake of your family that he’s not that dumb to break up your home.
A lot of times, your gut is the best teller of a cheating spouse, but if you need some more signs to look for, do a Google search for cheating signs and you’ll find loads of them.
I do know that there are tons of different ways to catch someone in the act if you have a little bit of ingenuity and know how.
yeah -
start banking online….for him too
open your online cell phone account - most if not all carriers w/contracts have this avail -
if nothing warrants further action you are fine
if something does………..
enable gps on his phone
reverse look up numbers
if necessary pay for intellius.com phone reports