If your spouse was cheating and you didn't know, would you want someone to tell you?
I know I would.
I’m just suprised at how many people always say to "mind your own business" or "don’t get involved" or "it’s not your problem", etc.
I’m just curious why people feel that way. The thought of being cheated on is awful enough, but it makes me wonder whether my friends would just sit back and laugh at me like many of the people on here.
I can’t think of any reason why someone would want to protect the cheater. I mean, you don’t need to have a sit down conversation with the whole family, you could even send an anonymous letter.
Thoughts? What would you do?
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Tagged with: anonymous letter • cheater • laugh • own business • Reason • Spouse Cheating
Filed under: Infidelity Warning Signs
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yes…happened to me after I gave her another chance and the real kick in the ass was that other people knew and didn’t tell me. Of course I heard from them after I found out…they said they didn’t want to get in the middle of it or that they worried about friendships etc…and they all wanted to know if I understood…I told them I didn’t and that doing the right thing shouldn’t ever be a hard choice.
Without a doubt, I would want to know. I might not respond to the person who told me properly at first but I would like to think I could see beyond myself and apologize later. They were just doing what they thought was right.
I would not.
I would much rather people mind their own business, and leave my relationship to me.
No I would not want someone else to tell me.
I would want to know, so I could choke the $hit out of both of them.
I would want to know
i said on YA before, yes i would want to know, i found out from a third source (his ex-wife) that he cheated on me with her and i am glad to have that information.
i dont want to give myself to someone that wont only share himself with me, for several reasons.
I think the reason I would say to not tell is that so many people pass along rumors when they really don’t know it to be true. Unless I saw it with my own eyes I wouldn’t be telling anyone. It isn’t so much to protect the cheater but to protect a family. Just think, what if it isn’t true or blown out of proportion?
If a friend or family member knew yes I would expect them to tell me if they have any suspicions or proof. From word of mouth I wouldn’t automatically take action I would need valid proof or need to see it with my own eyes to determine what my next step would be. I prefer they come to me personally with the information rather than spread it to others.
you bet i would and i would hope that my friends would do the same
I was married for 22 years the first time around and I live in a small town. The janitor in the building my husband worked in was brother to one of the girls I worked with at school. One night I was collecting tickets at a basketball game and he just told me about this woman my husband was fooling around with. The day he told me was the day I opened my eyes and found out everything he had been doing behind my back. I was SO glad my friend’s brother told me when he did!
I would want to know and I would have to consider the source as well.
I definitely would want to know. If for no other reason, so I would know to stop having unprotected sex with him and go see my doctor to get tested for STDs. But also, so I could quit living a lie with him!
Often people don’t want to know (which is beyond me) and you’ve heard the old saying of "shoot the messenger" so one doesn’t have to listen to the message. Unfortunately, some people get angry at the one who tells them of the cheating, instead of being mad at the cheater!
I know my closest friends would tell me…..by not telling is not necessarily protecting the cheater…it’s simply staying out of a potential sh*t fight.
I would tell my closest friends only.
How about this. The person doing the cheating should be confronted. You tell them, "You have put me in an uncomfortable position. I see you cheating and feel the need to be a friend by saying something." So they either stop acting that way in front of you or they ignore your advice. If they ignore you and cheat on their partner in front of you, it pretty much says they want you to say something. So you say something and then step out of it.
I would for sure tell. However, I would only say something if I saw it myself and not a hear say. People like to gossip or things sometimes get added on to the fact (exagerated) so I wouldn’t if I don’t have a concrete proof. It is about a marriage so I’d want to be really sure before I start a war.
yes as soon as they know I would want them to tell me
I would definitely want to know!
I think the people who are advised to stay out of it are usually not CLOSE to the person. If you are best friends with someone, however, there is an expectation there, that they will be brutally honest if necessary.
Honestly, i have mixed feelings about this. if someone told me, it would make me suspicious, and if it turned out not to be true, my fiance would feel like i didn’t trust him, and that could cause major problems. on the other hand, if it was true and someone i knew told me about it, i’d want to know. it’s just hard these days, cuz ppl are so shady (i don’t just mean ur significant other, i mean friends u think u can trust).
But regardless of if any outsider tells or not, the truth will come out eventually. the sooner the better, but it WILL come out.
Really depends on the situation and the relationship. If this friend is in agony because she doesn’t know where her husband is or doesn’t know why they’re having relationship problems, I might chime in.
But say I’m walking down the street and I see her man kiss another person sexually or something like that, I would keep it to myself or confront the supposed cheater.
Personally, if my man were cheating on me and someone I knew found out, I wouldn’t want to hear it from the outsider. It would be incredibly embarrassing. I would want to hear it from my partner.
Besides, the truth always reveals itself.
I would want to know. But I don’t think I really would believe it until i found out for myself, and i would make it a point to. Then I would have the truth right in front of me… no denying it then.
I believe the truth should be out in the open. I would not want my family to tell me. I would want to know from someone else. If my family told me this would hurt worse. It is true I would want to know.
I would wanna know and would be pissed if someone didnt tell me
I would want to know, without a doubt
Yes, i’d want to know…my wifes character is one of the things I love about her….
ALSO I’d want to know so I could stop it (if she wants to stay married) and so I could get an AIDS (or other S.T.D.) test.
Cheating, nowadays can be life threatening. They (the powers that be) stopped prosecuting adultery as a crime…. it is in many cases equivelant to attempted murder or at least reckless disregard for human life.
I wouldn’t want other people to tell me. If there was something going on that could potentially destroy our marriage, I would pick up on it eventually without anyone having to rub my nose in it.
Answered your question,yes.After; I will investigate what really is going on.If it is true,I will get divorce.Good question.
Yes, I would want to know! I think most people would. However, the problem with being the one to bring it to the surface is sometimes people are angry, and hurt and unfortunatley they lash out on the the person who brought it to surface. They don’t mean to, but they are experiencing so much hurt that they do. Then, that is so tramatic for the the person that was trying to do the right thing that they decide never again. Because now they are injured trying to protect a friend, or do the right thing. and that can just all be to much to bare.Not to mention they may suffter an attack from the cheating spouse. I mean this is alot to ask someone to take, for a relationship that they are not even in.So for most people that don’t tell, I don’t think its about protecting the cheater its about protecting themselves. And the truth is even if you send an anonymous letter, that is a hard thing to say to someone. You spouse is cheating, ooh I cringed just writing it then. Then, to make matters even more complicated you have to have proof, undeniable proof, and that is hard to do sometimes, and it may implicate you anyways so there goes your anonoymoity. So I think its just a complex situation for all involved, and most of the time the person baring the truth is feeling just as guilty for knowing, I mean your risking the relationship with the person your telling either way. So sometimes people rather just mind their own business and have faith that what you do in the dark will come to the light.
I would want to know that my friends have enough pride in themselves and that they tought enough of me to tell me
I have been there and I would have liked to have known. I doubt it is easy either way but just from my experience, I would have liked to have known before everyone else did.
If it was a close friend or family member I would hope that they would tell me(if they were 1000% sure he was cheating).Many years ago someone called me and told me my now ex husband was with another woman.It was his cousin.They had just left our house 30 minutes earlier to get something from the grocery store we needed for dinner,so I knew it was his cousin.It can cause a lot of problems if the person isn’t really sure.I don’t really much worth in a person that I hardly know telling me.You don’t really know what they may be up to.
I most certainly would. If one of my friends or family members sat back and knew my husband was cheating on me, I would disown them.
YES…
help me to quit wasting my life and my love
I would want to know. What you don’t know can kill nowadays. HIV and the stuff doctors don’t know about. Why wouldn’t someone want to know , its your decision to stay or go anyway.
I didn’t find out until she told me in bed one night that she was moving out the next day. If someone had told me what was going on, I could’ve stopped her.
Definitely.
I would want to know so I could deal with it & move on
Cheers
B.
My ex lied , he bought a motorcycle and hid it in a storage unit when my Dad was having cancer surgery and I worked nights, he would go out riding then take it back to the storage unit fpr 4 months at least. I had no idea and all our "friends" knew, no one told me a thing. I think he was cheating too. I wish someone would have told me. He was an idiot anyway.
Yes! i would definitely want to know.
yes i would like to konw. if that person is a true friend they are acctually saving your life you could say.you know all the stuff you could catch from unprotected sex. its a yes for me.