How has your spouse’s cheating affected you?
Every since I found out my husband cheated on me, I’m always on guard. I constantly check his phone log, text messages, and email. I also constantly ask him if he’s mad or if there’s something wrong. I feel so insecure and I don’t feel as beautiful any more. His cheating really affected me in a very negative way as if a gray cloud is hanging over my head all the time. Something always reminds me of my husband’s affair and it gets me real down in the dumps. I don’t know how to find my courage and strength through this whole ordeal. I need really good advice as how I can empower myself. Please help!
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Tagged with: courage • dumps • good advice • gray cloud • hanging over my head • ordeal • phone log • Spouse Cheating • text messages
Filed under: Infidelity Warning Signs
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everything your feeling is normal!!
1. He cheated, he is the weaker one
2. You will find the strength, as you are the stronger one
3. You need time to heal. Take it. Its your time!
Now is the time you stand up, dust yourself off, and give the world a much deserved up in the a$$
Youll feel better for it 
i feel your pain.. it is very hard to get over infidelity. the best thing to do is to tell your husband how you feel and talk about it.. If you decide to forgive him then do just that. it seems as if you are looking for something to hurt you even more. if a man wants to cheat there is nothing that you can do about. Forgiving is not forgetting. He has to work on earning your trust and you have to work on trusting him.. Otherwise the marriage is not going to work,,
I think that cheating is not acceptable, period. You chose to stay so your are obviously committed to the relationship. But since you had the power to leave, yet chose to stay, then you need to work on the trust issue. Sit down and talk to your husband and let him know how you feel and how his cheating has affected you. Inform him that you need assurances that he will never do it again. Remind him that you still need to hear from him how beautiful he thinks you are, and that he loves you and is committed to you. Communication between the two of you should help with the trust issues.
my husband, then b/f , cheated on me and it was very hard. he betrayed me and i THOUGHT that we were soulmates. to be honest, you will never get over it. if you decide to stay it will take years, lterally just to be able to deal with it. but it still will hurt and you will never trust him again. you’ll still love him, but not the same and you will eventually stop checking his things, because you’ll a;ready be on gaurd, cause if you hear something you will leave with no problem, because you don’t feel like you used to. your confidence and esteem will return and your relationship will be i can stay if i want and it’s no sweat if i leave. the new problem when you leave will be the fact that you were USED to him.
Mama A same thing happened to me and you said it perfectly on how i feel, WOW.
its so hard
you shouldnt be working on improving yourself,he should be working on improving himself and always making up to you.
i dont understand why are you even still with this man,he will cheat again.
If you don’t have kids, end the relationship.
He certainly does not appreciate you checking on him like he is a child, and you certainly don’t appreciate what he did to cause you to treat him like a child.
You are miserable and he is miserable. Cheaters cheat, plain and simple. Don’t waste anymore time checking up on him, worrying about another women, etc. Put your energy into a new relationship.
If you have children, well, that is another story. The most important thing then is having two stable parents raising the kid(s). Seek a professional therapist because the damage you will do to the child by having an unstable home will result in future problems society will have to ultimately pay for.
You need to make up your mind if you want your marriage to continue or not. If you do, then you will need to start trusting him again. It will be hard yes, but you have to do it. Checking up on him isn’t going to stop him if he does it again. And if he does, it will become apparent so stop looking for it. You are just driving yourself crazy.
Cheating is NOT about sex. It is about issues within the other person. I recommend marriage counseling to get to the bottom of HIS issue and to strengthen your marriage.
People cheat…it has nothing to do with you, what you look like, what you have done or not done…this is a decision HE made and nothing you could have done would have changed it. Stop taking responsability for someone else’s mistake.
When you find yourself thinking of it, say to yourself….I understand this happened but I have chosen to forgive him and get on with our marriage and lives. I will NOT let this bother me. Then force yourself to think of something nice your husband has done for you. It will get easier after a while.
Please look up Joyce Meyers Ministry.
i have to tell you my friend said that she had an affair with my husband and i was not sure to believe her because she is a little off. Then two years later i found out he really did cheat and i left him immediately i know that if i really loved somebody i would not cheat why would you risk love for an affair that will not last, your relationship will never be the same and think about this lets say he does it again and he gets you pregnant he could give you and your baby a life threatning disease that is not the kind of man i want to be with do you?
Your husband violated your trust, so it is up to him to regain. He should be telling you where he is and what he is doing just like a parolee with his officer.
Some people never get over it. I dated a guy who told me the reason his marriage ended was because one night, drunk and stupid, he cheated on her at a staff party. Two kids later, she simply could not forgive and forget and divorced him.
It is a stab to your self-confidence and your marriage vows. Marriage has become a joke…people take the vows but now there are what-ifs and justifications. The reason you get married is because you are vowing to work through things, thick and thin, and if you can’t do it, get a divorce…an affair is NEVER the answer.
I am sorry he did this to you. My best friend is permanently jaded after her husband cheated on her and then after divorce, her boyfriend. There is not much on Answers that will make you feel better. It takes time and building trust. I admire you that you can stick with him after what he’s done.
It sounds cliche, but a good counselor helps to get answers and rebuild self esteem.
All the best, hun.
I kicked her butt to the curb and now live alone. I no longer want to deal with the heartache and disappointment of being betrayed.
Not sure why you want to stay with him, as you will NEVER trust him again……..
I am also dealing with this after what I thought was 15 years of happiness. My spirit is broken along with my heart. I am no longer the same person–truly I am broken. I still check on my hubby, not sure if that will ever stop but I don’t do it as much. This is difficult, and I know you’ve heard it a thousand times, but concentrate on you. Make improvements in your life that will make you a bright light in his. Change your appearance, even you are hot, a change always feels good. Look at some career changes, I have always been a stay at home mom and I am now working part time and looking into college, these changes create a sense of curiosity in him and we also have something to talk about that’s out of the norm for us. If your marriage is worth saving , then fight for your man as long as this was a one time affair and not a pattern of behavior. If you find you are desperate and need some words of support or encouragement, I am there for you, my friend. Good Luck and Lots of Peace Love and Joy.
you cant empower yourself.. i mean, you really cant.
whatever you try, you feel empty n angry. it really wasnt your fault. your husband dd. i think he needs to do whatever he can to make you feel better. i dnt knw how well this forgiveness works bt if you2 want to stay married, he is the one has to do everything he can to make you feel better n take your fears n anger.
when my loved one cheated on me, i dd the same things. ck his cell, emails n text msgs.. that really made me feel low n ugly, i hated myself so badly.. i tried the best way i knew how bt nothing seemed work. i was angry, he called me that im paranoid. that felt so wrong/.
anyway.. what does he do for you to make you feel better?
it wasnt your fault, you have done NOTHING wrong. he dd. he is the one who has to make you feel secure again,.
please do nt fight w this alone, let your husband part of it,
’something, you cant make it on your own…
take a good care of yourself
The fact that you are reaching out and trying not to hold it in is Empowering all in it’s self. It’s only when we hold it in like it’s our personal shame is when things go from bad to worse..
You are going to feel this as long as you two are together and/or as long as you two stay together without recourse/counseling/therapy. You have to get this straight, bickering, crying, screaming and not fully dealing with this is only hurting you.. which will in turn hurt your children if you have any. You have to straighten out your feelings.. not just the hurt and loss of trust.. that’s a given.. but the deep rooted pain that you feel, the betrayel, the hate you feel that you didnt feel before you found out. And what you need to understand is you are entitled to these emotions. All of them. Own them. See, i’ll give you some insite that i didnt get till way later in the process.. your feeling all of this ALL AT ONCE.. All of this hit you all of a sudden and that’s ALOT to deal with. Every emotion known to man has hit you in your soul and it’s hard to deal. And that’s normal. It’s how you deal with and react to these feelings. NO one can tell youwhen enoughs enough but you. No one can tell you when to stop. You will find yourself going through a greiving process that you never thought you would have to deal with because you never thought your husband would do wha the did. Now your looking at your husband like you look at every other man.. And that’s what the greiving comes in> you no longer have that security and comfort that you had the day before you found out. You no longer feel safe because of what he did. You no longer see your husband as pure and untainted like you did the hour before you found out abouthis infidelity and that’s the greiving. Your grieving the death of the man who promised never to hurt you, cheat on you, lie to you. But just like any death, you can live through it and it’s what you do next that determains who you are and what you NEED to do. Thats not to say leave him or stay with him. But that near perfect man you married is gone.. Now what are you going to do. Dont run to the closest divorce lawyer hurt and angry.. Do what you need to do to be ok and right with you and yours..
your feelings are common and understandable. That cloud will be there. STOP checking his phone.STOP going behind him. Just STOP~~ none of that is going to stop him if he is going to contunie.. You Cant Stop him from doing anything. Your driving yourself Mad.. Just let go of the urge to continue to look for what you already know and already have. Just Stop, know that you yourself will not do anything but continue to hurt yourself. If you have to, move out till you can get a hold on what you have to do or what you feel you need to do. But all that your doing is not helping.. You are not a Warden and he is not a prisoner.. Nor are you Columbo. That was not your place, dont make this change you into all that you never wanted to be.. Take controll of yourself..because right now your out of controll.once you get that controll of YOURSELF back, you’ll know what you have to do…