Can you ever REALLY forgive your spouse for cheating?
I know people say oh learn to forgive and move past this uuuuum WAAAMP!!! How? How will you ever look at that person the same way? Even for those people who have "moved past" cheating doesn’t it ever cross your mind and make you feel bad all over again? For the recored it was not exactly cheating, it was definitily un-true but no one technicly cheated, or we would not be together.
Thank you guys and a couple of you were right. he did not cheat but killed trust. i wont do into details but some people do not consider it cheating however i and anyone sane do. b/c there was no other woman so to say is the only way i am questioning this. if he had slept with someone we would be divorced before he could say sorry. i guess my question should have been how do you learn to trust again when it was very hard to trust in the first place
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Tagged with: quot • recored • Spouse Cheating • Technicly
Filed under: Infidelity Warning Signs
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Allot of People Get over it
I would only truly forgive him if I got to do a jig on his grave.
It is very hard. You do think about it sometimes and it hurts all over again. It really takes a strong person and a strong relationship to fully move from that kind of betrayal. You never really, truly, fully forgive/forget something like that in my honest opinion.
You can FORGIVE him for cheating but you can never FORGET!!!!
Two different words, two different meanings.
The spouse must put up with being grilled on whereabouts without complaint, must be above board on everything going on.
It definitely changes the relationship but hopefully you learn and grow from it. First time shame on him if there is a second then I would consider letting him go. Sorry you deserve better just let him know you wont have it.Good Luck
I couldn’t forgive my mate for cheating it would destroy all the trust I have. It was hard for him to get my trust to begin with so that would be the end.
i know a friend who was cheated on (a man) first time she cheated he took his wife back. Then she cheated on him a second time with his best friend. In reality he gave her a chance and she stuck it to him again and this time even worse .. who gets hurt?? the person who gave her a second chance.. sucks huh
if my partner cheated id run, how could you be with them knowing they have it in them to sleep with some one else behind your back! they had no problems with doing it before they could easily do it again!
ME? I would NEVERR forgive them. I’d probably WANT to forgive them, but i’d probably dump them and hate them. It takes a strong person,a strong mind. but once a cheater, always a cheater. you mihgt not believe that, but it’s not an opinion, it’s a fact.
It’s based on forgiving and forgetting.
Some people can do both
Others can one without the other.
No one ever really forgets.
They can give their spouse another chance, but if it’s true love then it will always exist in the back of your mind.
He may think you have forgotten
But you’ll always remember and no
You won’t look at him the same way. You’ll simply try.
yes. It is possible. Think of how any people cheat on their spouses every day…flirting and speaking words reserved for spouses to other people…
It is possible to forgive, but to rebuild that trust it may take a while. If you watched LKL on Thursday, they interviewed Ted Haggard and his wife Gayle on her reaction after she found out that the husband was cheating on her and moving with some gay prostitute men.
If this woman had the grace to forgive, surely anyone can forgive. Read the excerpts of the interview at cnn.com/larryking
A marriage can be like a nice car, when someone cheats it’s like crashing that car, Then you have to ask your self do I really want to fix this or leave it, If you do forgive and try to fix it, it can be better than it was before, but it takes lots and lots of work, and forgiveness, it is not easy, They have to earn your trust again, you will never forget what happened but you can try to move past it if you love them enough.
I couldn’t. It’s just not something I was able to look past. I tried with the first affair, tried to rebuild the trust & not feel so betrayed.
But, I couldn’t the second time.
You know what they say, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me… I should’ve known better.
I hope you never feel that kind of pain.
We’re good friends now & he’s begged me to take him back- told me how sorry he is & how if he had to do it all over again…blah blah blah, but in my mind I will never look at him the same.
(Plus there’s other stuff that he did that I couldn’t live with. )
Cheating always changes the dynamic of a relationship. Always. You can choose to forgive, but you never forget.
But lots of other things can change the way people feel about each other, too. You can be married to someone who becomes sick, or is devastated by the loss of a parent, or because of problems with the kids.
No relationship ever stays the same through the years. That’s why it is best to keep on working at it, as long as their is a chance it can be preserved.
Well if you have no problem with it you are a lot better than I.
They say you can get over it, but the main thing is people wanna look at what they did. When I was cheated on it was what I had done. They don’t go looking for it if you get along and are a true soul mate. If you have the feeling you wanna cheat, you been lieing to yourself. You wont get over it and if you do, you talk yourself into not caring about them and what they do. If you have no self respect, go ahead and tell them what they did is fine. No problem, you want my sisters phone number too. Be good to yourself, you are all you got.
Boogie Boogie
If you decide you want to stay with someone who has been untrue to you, you have to give it time, and they have to show you that you can trust them. Of course you feel bad when you think about it, but as time goes by it gets less painful. Also, they will have to deal with you being suspicious of them as well, and all the drama that brings. In my opinion, they should take it with a smile on their face.
A relationship is based on trust , honesty and devotion. When the trust is broken , it would be very hard to forgive. Once a cheater always a cheater , are my thoughts
I don’t think very many people "forgive" when a spouse cheats they just deal with it! You will never trust them again and every day life becomes hard to get through with out questioning their every move. I think it’s best to cut the person off and let them move on to someone else since that is what thier actions have told you they really want.
It is very hard to forgive a partner for cheating. Most people dont forgive, they move on. The only way the relationship can continue is if you trust is restored. Without trust, even if you said you forgive, it wont work, because every time some incident causes you to feel suspicious, you will live it over and over again, and you wont "move past it". So he must be sincerely sorry that he cheated and hurt you, he must earn your trust back by being honest and open and accountable. You must fairly give him a chance to prove he can be trusted. If you have a question about something, he must truthfully answer, without either of you showing anger. If and when your trust is restored, then you will feel safe enough to truly forgive him.
i could never. i think i would have to leave to be honest. i could never try to invest more love in that relationship if he had done that to me. i would never forget it. EVER. and if i did stay with him i would never let him forget it. EVER. and that wouldn’t be a healthy marriage so i would probably leave.
I am in the same situation funny. The bible says unfaithfulness is the only grounds for divorce however it does mention that great reward will come to the person who can work it out and forgive which did happen with me we seperated for 3 months and now back together after working it out. A physical act never took place but a grey line was played with.
you sound confused on if he cheated or not, and then is it more like trusting him maybe?
I learned a long time ago, "if you let a bird go and it returns to you it is yours, if it doesn’t it has another home".
men are like that until they grow up and use the bigger head to do the thinking with all of the time.
trust is a good feeling and if you loose it, it takes time to get back with anyone. Don’t burn your bridge, but put a light on it and have it checked out and see if it is a good bridge or one that needs some work or just maintenance on your part.
I’ve never had anyone cheat on me as far as Iknow.But if my husband did cheat on me I honestly dont think I would be able to forgive him.That is an unforgivable thing.
"nobody forgets where they buried the hatchet"
forgiving and forgetting are 2 different things….forgiving you can do but forgetting you will never do and that comes with trust if you have not trust you have no marriage.
Once a cheater always a cheater is not always true. Depends on the reason it happind in he first place. I cheated on my boyfriend 2 years ago. we were fighting alot and had a new born who was a premi and he would not help me with him or get up in the middle of the night. would not watch him so i could get out of the house yelled at me if i got off work a few mins late. i did not have sex with anyone else but i still cheated. They guy said the stuff i wanted to hear and was not at home. I told my boyfried and he forgave me and here we are stronger than befor we are getting married, we will never forget but it hurts a lil less each day that passes.
Im going thru this right now. This is perhaps the second time now. Also he has a mental problem that he thinks Im supposed to deal with as well. He insists that he hasnt done anything w/ a work peer. I have the gut feeling from experience that he is lying. Making up an elaborate story to make me jealous, more lies and than admission. Its all because [as he says] he is just a immature little boy.
Its bad enough that he is doing this again for no apparent reason and then downplaying it ‘you have to understand’…..he has made a fool out of me, again in just a few years. Oh yeh, I forgot, the big excuse of all…..”well its my state of mind because of my possible mental disturbances” He has presented himself as a pathological liar, I have no trust at all in him in ANYTHING. You always think that youve done something to create this. Not true!
He has used me, my trust and love. He is now a very ugly, spiteful’ hatefilled ,jealous, vindictive bald old, old man at 48 to me. And that wont change with me about him
We’re done. Of course he doesnt want that. Why? Then you can go your own way, no strings atached! But I guess that it wouldnt be as sneaky and fun according to him if we werent a couple.
Sick in the head.
I cant ever forget what he has done to me deliberately.