Has your spouse cheated on you? How did you learn to live with the fact he/she completely betrayed your trust?
I recently found out that my husband had an affair with our babysitter. She was also a mutual friend of ours. It’s really hard to move on after knowing that he had shared a sexual experience (they didn’t go all the way but he gave her oral) with another woman and they will always have that memory together. Every day my heart aches and I’m reminded that the person that I love and want to spend my life with has completely betrayed my trust and broken our marriage vows. I feel as if my pain will never end and will only get stronger with time. How do I move on? How can I get pass my pain and build my inner strength? How did you learn how to cope with this traumatic event? Please help!
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Tagged with: babysitter • heart • inner strength • marriage • memory • mutual friend • sexual experience • traumatic event
Filed under: Infidelity Warning Signs
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During my first marriage, my husband cheated on me a couple of times. The first time, I went to my mother’s house and she gave me this advice: "You either forgive him and move on, or you leave him. If you decide to forgive him, you must let it go. Do not throw it in his face or constantly remind him of his wrong-doings, as that will slowly erode your marriage. If you cannot do this, you must walk away and never look back." I honestly feel like that was some of the best advice she ever gave me. So I forgave him and gave him a second chance. And, he cheated again. That time I walked out and never looked back.
That said, I cheated on my second husband. I think I had intimacy issues left over from my first marriage. I know this will probably be of little consolation, but my cheating had nothing to do with the love I have for my husband. I did not love the man I cheated with, I just needed more attention than my husband was willing to give me. We had other issues as well.
Once it came out that I had cheated, I felt horrible. I promised that I would do whatever needed to work through my "issues" (and trust me, there were plenty). He saw my desire to work through it, and with that, trust my love for him. 5 years later, we are sincerely happy and a much stronger couple from the experience.
If you feel your husband is sincerely regretful, let him make it up to you. It will take time, but if you are able to work through it, your marriage will be so much stronger. When I am feeling weak and needy, I express it to my husband so he knows to work a little harder. But that comes from the ability to be open with one another. Be open and understanding, yet firm in your needs.
And if he ever does it again, walk away and never look back.
No he didn’t.If he does, that will be the end of us.I can not forgive and move on.It’s just not possible for me.He can stay with the whore.
I am not much help either.
He has never cheated on me.
I am not one of those women who forgive and affair, there is no forgive in that situation for me.
Leave the toilet seat up..I forgive you. Share an intimate night with another woman, not a chance.
It would make me sick every time he touched me, I could never sleep with him again.
Hon, my heart goes out to you. My ex was never caught nor did he ever admit it, but I know he did….I couldn’t stand to be with him and I did horrible things in the name of getting back at him.
Either get some therapy so you can save the marriage or leave.
Oh, and find a new babysitter.
no but I know of one couple
the husband cheated and it was just sex
it was rough for awhile but the wife loved him deeply he loved her.
the two worked hard to get back on track
today they have two beautiful children and marriage is stronger
the betrayal was discussed dealt with and put in the past.
good luck
It isn’t easy, especially if it’s happen more then once. It hurts real bad. You can forgive but, it’s hard to forget.
Everyday there’s something to remind you of what happen. A guy that looks like "him" or a car that he drives, a place that he works at. She comes home late once, or anything, it’s hard. The years don’t make it easy as some think.
There is nothing terrible in this story, it is even banal. One healthy man and two healthy women together in one house leads to this scenario. Most of the nice baby sitters are f*cked by the husband.
I would treat this story with humor, my husband’s sexuality works well, and he is attractive enough to get into this role. It is much better than a husband who would not be accepted by any other female. But tell him that he may be proud of his seduction, but must pay the most affection and attention to you and not to the other woman. And make that clear for both of them YOU are the wife in the house. If you made this clear you my be even friendly with your female friend. She was without male, so she has got what she needed. You should see the story this way. Be generous, and you are the winner.
Yes at least twice and I dealt with it by divorcing the slut
My sister’s husband did and she stayed with him
That was almost 20 years ago and their marriage is the strongest I have ever seen
It completely depends on your personality and ability not only to forgive but also to forget
My personal opinion is that you would have to have some severe short term memory issues bordering on senility to forget something like that
Your life is forever changed now. No matter what you decide to do this will haunt you and the pain will never really leave.
You have to ask yourself some hard questions….do you want to stay with someone you will never be able to trust? You trade every day ofyour life for one more day with him.
check out these websites:
infedilityfacts.com
infidelityadvice.com
truthaboutdeception.com
womansavers.com
broke-heart.net
My wife cheated on me. She told me it was “unemotional” I never thought I could be hurt so bad. I never felt hurt like that before. It hurt worse than being shot. In fairness she was horribly upset in every meaning of the word. Both people have to live with it. Trust is so damn hard to get back .
Not impossible, but it does take a really, really long time. The hurt never leaves, you just bury it. Forgive but never in a lifetime forgotten. You can never fully understand why the person cheated when you have been faitful. It’s because your loyalty, love, trust etc, Have never changed to do something so bad.
They live with their regret….well some do depending on why they cheated. Some don’t care. If your husband is living with this regret, it’s just as hard and painful or well close. All kinds of things will remind you of his infidelity. Shows, movies, pictures, etc. That’s what makes it worse. Sex is different for you in the begining. It being the entire reason you feel the way you do.
You’ll spend so much time analyzing it. replaying the events that lead up to the cheating. What you did wrong. What they did wrong. Did they seem more pleased with the other person. Questioning yourself if your good enough. The list goes on. If they did not stay or get in a relationship with the other person. You lost a battle but won the war.
Although war is never pretty regardless of the outcome. Learning to cope with infidelity is tough. One of the toughest things a person can go through. If you truly do want the other person in your life. Try to hold on and pray it never happens again. If it’s to much to bare….get out…RUN! You’ll only hurt yourself and cause more pain between you both, with fights about where they’ve been. Are they cheating now. It’ll ruin the relationship or what’s left. =-)