NO TEENS - When "The one you really want" is someone you just can't have?
Please, no answers from teens, and no one liners, I will report those answers to yahoo.
I’m looking for thought out, serious suggestions here. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure this one out, and I really need a push in the right direction.
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Two years ago I made some bad decisions based on personal fears, when the woman of my dreams literally threw herself at me, begged me to be with her and her alone… I chose someone else, and pushed her aside. I was scared because of the intense emotional connection we had, because everything seemed perfect, and I was fresh out of a marital split -papers hadn’t even been finalized yet. (Quick background on divorce before people start lambasting me for that: spouse was caught cheating, spreading horrific rumors to family and friends about me as a husband, she was uninterested in counseling\working on the marriage.)
So… With this woman being so perfect, I retreated to something that I knew would fail. I knew that it wouldn’t work. But, that was comfortable in a way, because it felt ‘controlled’.
I’ve regretted that for two years now. A lot. We’re still in touch, and very occasionally she’s ‘checked the waters’ to see if I still feel for her; and I do. I finally got the nerve to say something recently, to really come out with it. I offered to move out to where she is now, because every relationship I’ve had since then feels wrong, my heart isn’t totally in any of them, because my heart wants her.
She said no, she can’t trust me in a real relationship after my mistakes. And I’m doing all that I can to respect that.
The question is… If your heart is still longing to be with someone else, and it’s someone that you can’t have; what do you do? I don’t want to be one of these pushy or stalker types, I really do want to respect her wishes in regards to not pushing for more than friendship. I really do treasure her friendship.
Every girl I’ve tried to date, any serious relationships I’ve attempted… I keep losing myself in a want for this one. I can love others on some level, but the deepest part of me still wants no one else, and it’s not for lack of trying. I’m in a relationship with someone else right now, and I love her, but not deeply. I love her like a good friend. The relationship has been feeling very strained due to outside forces beyond my own control. It’s been like having a friend that you happen to sleep next to for the last six months.
I’m trying to figure out what I should do in this situation… How can I make my heart stop wanting the one I fled from? Is it okay to continue this relationship, or any other relationship if my heart is still in someone else’s hands? We’re not talking a short little crush, or anything like that, we’re literally talking two good years of my life that I’ve spent wishing I could take back the hurt, and make the decision to be with her.
Can anyone offer some advice for this situation?
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Tagged with: bad decisions • counseling • divorce • dreams • emotional connection • family and friends • friendship • heart • marriage • nerve • one liners • personal fears • relationship • relationships • Right Direction • Teens • woman of my dreams • yahoo
Filed under: Catch A Cheater
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if you can move on, then you really never were in love in the first place.. so by you not being able to move on from her that shows that you really do want her to be the one. i had the same problem, i never was hard to her a guy or have a relationship but it was making it last and work that was the problem. because of it my longest relationship has been a month since my 8th month one ended with the guy i first fell in love with. and about the friendship.. i’ve had guy friends that felt like they loved me and our friendship ended because of that. but don’t push or be a stalker, but keep close so that maybe one day she might change her mind.. but also don’t get your hopes up either because you wanting "forever" with her seems like it’s turned or turning into "for-never"
sorry.
we all have made bad choices in life. unfortunately you made one of the hardest to live with. you have to move on even tho it’s hard and is going to haunt you for the rest of your life. from experience life is hard enough without dwelling on regrets. try to find someone who can fill the void and hang on to them.don’t make the same mistake twice.
you have to move on as much as it might hurt or break your heart,ive been there and this is recently i thought we were gonna be together deeply in love on my end anyways.im still hurting i wish there was a magic wand i could use to forget him because he is not the man i thought he was he is no mr.perfect nor am i the misses,there is someone out there for you but you wont find her if you keep holding onto what isnt supposed to be good luck handsome…
Well first of all, I think you need some time to yourself. During this time I think you should get right with yourself again. I was in a similar situation. Not exact, but similar. I had a boyfriend that I dated in highschool. He was my first love, we broke up due to whatever high schoolers break up for. A few years later we met up again and dated, I moved in with him, he cheated on me with another girl, and I had to move out. But, I still could not feel the same way for anyone but him. My love for him ran so deep within me that my mind was made up I would never have those feelings for anyone else. So after we broke up I did the same thing as you where I just dated guy after guy after guy and none of them felt the same.
I finally got some very good advice from mom who is my best friend. She told me to take some time to myself, get right with myself again. Your mind is never really clear when there are subconcious issues going on and you are wrapped up in someone else. So I took some time to think and clear my head. I realized that this "man" I loved, was not right for me. He treated me badly. I realized was happier without him. I was better off without him. And this may or may not be the case with you. You may realize after time that you do truly love this girl. But one thing that helps me get through the lonely days and nights, is that whoever I am supposed to be with, I will end up with one way or another. I am a firm believer in leaving things like these in fate’s hands.
So my advice to you is TAKE TIME. Don’t be involved with anyone right now. I know this may be hard since it seems like you live with your current girlfriend. But for your own sanity, your own emotional and mental health you need to break away from it and spend time getting to know yourself again, and loving yourself first before anyone else can love you in return.
ALSO, time heals all wounds. But I know you need to be by yourself to resolve some things. I know you are probably still hurt from your marriage, and the girl you truly love not wanting to further it, and with your current girlfriend that isn’t quite what you want. So I think you should let your heart heal, get back to where you were before all the pain, and then go from there.
Hope everything works out, and hope my advice will help you.
I am 18 but i think i have some maturity when it comes to relationships. I lost someone i loved, unfortunatly it was permanant they took their life after a string of abuse. I think you need to stop trying to fix your heart with other relationships, its time to be free, be that man you wished you could of been for her. Dont ask straight for a relationship but remain single and court her. Go out together as friends and then hopefully as something more. When you come back from a date, talk to her in adult conversation. Tell her you made some stupid mistakes, you’d do anything to have her in your life, you always loved her but denied it because it felt too perfect, but now you realise what you lost, no other girl has made you feel the same way and you believe you can be something good. You’ve grown up and opened your eyes and want to share your life with her. I am really pleased you found something in your life worth fighting for, it may be a uphill struggle but the way you described her i think she is worth every minute
I really hope you find you soulmate, your inner happiness, the one that completes you
I may only be 18 but from 15 years old i met this guy, and was imeaditly hooked, been in bad relationships and was at first very hesitant, especially since i knew it was long distance. But three years later we are curled up on a sofa, finally spending every day together for the past 6 months and not with one regret. Both wishing you and your special lady love and happiness
They say time heals all wounds. I have some that just won’t seem to heal. You just go on. That’s it, you just go on. I try to find the joy in the positive things and block out the negative as much as possible. With any luck you won’t adopt the "life sucks and then you die" attitude that’s permeated my soul. Oh well, now my day’s pretty shot. Ain’t life grand…………………….