How many times should you forgive a cheating spouse?
I have been married for eight years and just recently found out about my husbands second affair (that i know of) should i forgive him? because my husband is a good man he takes care of home and besides two affairs out of eight years of marriage isn’t all that bad right because let’s face it no man is completely faithful, are they?
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Tagged with: cheating spouse • good man • marriage
Filed under: Infidelity Warning Signs
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let’s face it — he doesn’t respect you, nor do you respect yourself. but hey, if he has the bucks you can use him for his money? whatever works.
re-read your wedding vows!
once. not twice.
there is a song
"i told u once, i told u twice, you can see it in my eyes, i’m all cried out, with nothin to say"
you have forgiven him once.
if you really love him, forgive him twice. just tell him "what can i do to not drive you into another’s arms?"
but this will be the last forgiveness
Hell no. Once is a random freakish thing. Twice is a hobby and a BIG sign that THIS IS WHO HE IS…..A CHEATER.
Unless you want to go get a big SUCKER tattoo on your forehead, you need a lawyer and HE needs a good therapist.
Zero Times.
Once enough to show that they don’t care for your feelings or love you. This may be harsh to realize, but you can’t forgive your spouse. They have lost your trust forever, and if you DO forgive them, you will live with the feeling that you could have been living a much better life if you left them.
ZERO!
The adage goes: "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me".
How completely sad. But at least he takes care of the home, and that’s what important in a relationship. The home, not you.
What’s wrong with you? You just said he cheated on you not once but TWICE?! Honestly, don’t you have some self worth? Are you so used to his company that you’re willing to over look the fact that he’s making a fool out of you? What is wrong with women now a days?! You say he’s a good man, but a good man doesn’t cheat on his wife my dear. Stop making it ok for him to lie and cheat on you. Be a real woman and stand up for yourself. Good luck, you’ll need it.
Having been married and been cheated on both inside and outside of the marriage, I say never again!
Cheating should NOT be tolerated, I made the mistake too many times before (same girl was guilty each time), and have chosen to never let it happen again. Cheating is unforgiveable from here on out, do it and it’s instant dumpsville!
Yes, some men are completely faithful. But as a wife, you promised to be married for life. You have to forgive him as many times as he needs to be forgiven. It doesn’t mean you have to trust him. He needs to earn that.
But, that being said, you have the right to withhold sex from him, especially if there is a chance he could be giving you an STD. I think counseling would be a good solution. I’m so sorry for the pain he has caused you.
Can u trust him? If the answer to this is no then he has to go! if it is yes and u love him then stay with him and give him one more chance but make it clear that come to three and he is out.
You are giving excuses to yourself to forgive your husband. Do forgive him if you want to stick with him, but be prepared to have more tears and heartbreaks. You’ve got a 50/50 chance that it will work out to your favor in the end. If you can’t stand his cheating, doesn’t love him, don’t want to live in ??? all the time, and is prepared to leave, then one cheating is more than enough. It is your decision to make.
BTW, FYI, if a man admits that he cheats and there is no real reprecussion, it will only encourage him to ignore his spouse even more and cheat some more -cos’ there is nothing to lose. Therefore, if you choose to stay, you better have one eye shut and don’t ask.
staying married to him is not a condition of forgiveness.
you should forgive him as many times as he has done it, but any time after the 1st time you shouldn’t be married to him any more.
forgive him on your way out the door, unless you like being a doormat.
p.s. he’s not a "good man". he is a cheater. and "two affairs out of eight years of marriage" is REAL bad. wake up and get some respect for yourself and your body while you are at it.
there re men who re completely faithful. if yours cheat doesn’t mean others do too. but if he takes care of u what is the difference that he cheats=? u don’t like him cheating - change yourself, don’t be boring or leave. if u can’t do either - just sit back and enjoy the ride.
"How many times should you forgive a cheating spouse?" I don’t know how many YOU are willing to do so…if my spouse cheated on me his clothes would be on the front lawn and all the locks on the doors/windows would be changed when he got home from work. I guess if you don’t mind him not respecting you and using you as a doormatt that it’s fine for you…I simply have too much self respect and honor myself to allow myself to be used by anyone that way.
MAYBE once………depending on the circumstance….even then I doubt I would….Men know what kind of a woman they have….mine knows that I would cut his **** off if I caught him cheating. I know that he is COMPLETELY faithful to me. If he wasn’t, I wouldn’t be with him. I just hope that you realize that you are justifying his actions by talking about the idea that you have of a "good man". A good man and father would show his children that their mother is valued…all you are is a doormat. I feel sad that you are so blind.
Two strikes in only 8 years? I am always amazed at what women will put up with! Any children in your marriage? If not, good because he certainly can’t teach a child anything about love, committment, integrity, loyalty and the like.
On the other hand he can teach lying, hiding, transgressing basic vows, etc, etc, etc………get the idea.
For your sake I pray there are no children involved. You may do as you see and believe to be the right thing for you but he has proven his character is severely flawed.
You say you know of 2 indescretions, how many do you not know about??
Only once. Now it’s a habit. You don’t know what diseases he may bring home. A good man doesn’t cheat. Your idea that no man is completely faithful is what makes him feel he can get away with it. And you already hinted that there may have been more than two affairs. It is "all that bad." You don’t have to put up with it.
hi there.. what i can suggest is that you forgive him.. i’m pretty sure that you do not want to forgive him, but because you love him and you have a family, you want to forgive him and start all over again.. however, before you are going to officially forgive him, you will have to let him make a decision.. that if you ever catch him cheating again, you are going to leave him. because if he loves you, if he treasures your relationship, if he respects you as his wife, then he will not cheat on you.. also, ask him why he is cheating.. there should be a reason.. and whatever reason that is, talk about it and compromise.. ask him if he still loves you or not.. ask him what makes him do that.. ask him what you should do so that he won’t cheat on you.. if he doesn’t cooperate to get your marriage working, then you should be better off alone..
It sounds like you have answered your question. You really don’t care that he sleeps around. If you did you would have a consequence if he ever did it again after the last time. Sounds like you need to take control and stop being the door mat. Seek some help for yourself!
hey this is a good one for me… regardless of how long you’ve been with this man. no form of cheating is right. the day he married you was the day he took vows to be faithful, honest trustworthy and love you through good times and bad times? bad times were not stated as love your spouse regardless if he cheats this is meant by hardship, financially, passionately and physically. love is a powerful emotion and should not be taken lightly. my husband commit ed infidelity on four different occasions and we are now separated. trust is a major issue in a relationship, ask yourself this question and think hard; do i trust him? and would i trust him if he went out with hes mates on a guys night out? and if your children found out that this happened how would you explain it, with out making there dad look bad? kind regards.
I would only forgive one transgression. To do it twice is just slapping you in the face with his lack of respect for your marriage. Obviously he didn’t really believe that he hurt you badly the first time so it was OK to do it again.
Some men are completely faithful, although all of them are tempted at some stage. But so are women.
He is totally disrespecting you, and you are letting him. Since there are no real consequences for his actions, he will keep on doing what he’s doing.
I was cheated on by my first husband after 4 years. We had a one year old son. He married the woman he cheated with, had a child with her, then slept around on her too. He is currently in the process of a third divorce, and claims not to know what is going wrong in each of his marriages.
This guy isn’t going to change. So what if he provides for you? If you are willing to overlook his cheating ways and pretend to be happy in exchange for financial accomodations, then you are basically pimping yourself out. Try sleeping around on him and see how it makes him feel. If he’s okay with it, he doesn’t love you at all. If he gets mad, then he’s only concerned with his own happiness, and he still doesn’t love you at all.
By the way, if you know about 2 affairs, I’d be willing to bet there are quite a few more you don’t know about. I understand wanting to hang on to a relationship - I tried too with my first husband. It really isn’t worth it. There are plenty of men out there who will love and respect you, and who won’t cheat on you. Good luck!
I think at this point it depends how willing he is to acknowledge that this is a problem he has. Once can be a fluke. But twice? There’s something emotional that he needs to be working out.
If you give him another chance, make sure he KNOWS it’s the last.
Forgive but don’t condone. You have to make it so that he doesn’t want to do it again because of the outcome. 20 years ago I would have told a cheating spouse to take a hike. Today I would forgive and go on with life. Divorce and all that goes with it is one of the last things I want to go through again. That’s not to say that you can’t delve out some punishment though. Don’t just make it one of those 10 year punishments that keep referring back to the time you cheated on me. Make it a good punishment and get it over with. If he wont call the cops on you smack him across the face with a broom handle and make a mark that he has to wear out in public. Tell his mother on him. Do something that will let him know you wont put up with it and maybe a little public embarrassment. Tell the story about Lorena Bobbitt. Above all realize that he is giving in to temptation, having fun etc.. it has very little to do with you as far as the reason he is doing it. You have to make it all about you for the reason that he wont do it in the future. Now for legal reasons I have to withdraw my suggestion that you smack him with a broom stick. (-;
There’s a saying …
"Do it once - shame on YOU"!
"Do it twice - shame on ME" !
Meaning .. let the first time GO .. but no more times after that. The first time is the person who did the bad deed fault. The second time .. is the fault of the person who it was done to .. if they take it any more.
Actually … when a person cheats on their spouse .. it is up to every individual spouse as to what they could/would take .. and put up with.
Some spouses could NEVER .. EVER .. let their spouse come back around them again when they have been cheated on. The cheating spouse would be history.
Other spouses .. can tolerate the cheating spouse. They get over it. They can handle the cheating. They justify the cheating.
Yes !! .. some men are completely faithful !! In fact, I have seen quite a few of faithful men. Not all men cheat.
For some people .. ‘one’ affair is too much .. and many marriages never recover from it.
It all depends on the person about the forgiveness of affairs. Every person has to live their own life according to what they want to put into their lives.
Lots of men have affairs .. and never have the intention of ever leaving their wife or home life .. they just like affairs. There can be consequences to affairs … diseases happen .. jealous husbands can intervine .. real love can form .. and it is imorral .. and is considered as adultry.
Every person has to decide what they can live with. The decisions a person puts into their life, determines their life.
"because let’s face it no man is completely faithful, are they?"
If that’s the line he’s feeding you and you believe it, then no, you’ll never get a man who is faithful to you.
I found out my (now)husband was unfaithful to me when we were dating. We worked through it and worked it out. And if either of us cheats again, that’s the end of the relationship. There are no "second chances" because this IS our "second chance".
Once can be a "mistake". Twice isn’t - not once you know exactly how much it hurts your partner. Doing it again after that is simply being a selfish bastard and putting your own needs above the pain you inflict on your partner.
I did forgive it once the second time I kicked her to the curb. Lesson learned never give a second chance to a cheat. And ask for the BS that your husband is feeding you, most good men do not cheat. I have had several chances and even had a few women tell me strt out they wanted to go to bed with me. My answer was always NO, even after I found out my ex wife messed around on me. I left that marriage with my dignity and with my head held high.
THAT WOULD BE ZERO! I AM SO F—ING SICK AND TIRED OF YOU NO SELF-RESPECT HAVING CHICS SAYING ALL MEN ARE CHEATERS. ALOT OF YOU SOUND LIKE YOU GENUINELY BELIEVE AND ACCEPT IT AS FACT. ALL MEN ARE NOT CHEATERS!!! I’VE HAD A HUNDERED GIRLFIENDS AND 98 OF EM CHEATED ON ME. STICK THAT IN YOUR PIPE.
I’ve got to agree with Jay Double You. It’s annoying when people think that there are no men who are completely faithful because there are. The one excuse that I really hate hearing cheaters use is "I didn’t mean for it to happen …it just did". What a load of crap!!!! The thought was always in their mind or they wouldn’t have let it happen. When you truly love another….nothing will tempt you to cross the line…nothing!!! You get one chance at forgiveness…that’s it. If you mess up again then I say "I can’t hear what you’re saying because your actions speak louder than words". GOODBYE.
You should do the same, find a man for yourself, be distant and enjoy having someone for a short time. Nothing drives a man wild than his woman to do the same thing.