Did I have an extramarital affair?
I reconnected with an old school chum over a year an a half ago and for about a year, sporadically, we kept in contact. I used to invite her over a lot at first, we’d drink together and she’d stay over (in another bedroom) while my husband was away working. On the first night, she told me she was in love with me. In fact, I guessed it, and this was after I asked her all about her private life, which I wanted to know about very badly. I think I always knew. And I always had similar feelings, even if I find that hard to admit even to myself. I didn’t say anything to her because I felt I would have been betraying my marriage, and I am not gay. In fact, all I said to her when she acknowledged she was in love with me was, "I’m married, ____."
I don’t believe in bisexuality as bisexuals are really gay people who because of society say they like the opposite sex and couple up with them. I told her this was what I believe.
We talked very personally, about sex often as I was wanted to know about her life and how she has sex, even if it’s not my kind of sex. That doesn’t make me gay. We slow danced twice one night before Christmas. She asked me to and I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. Plus, we were drunk. And then she took me into her arms as I was turning out the lamps before bed and I stayed in them for probably 2 or 3 minutes, relaxed in them. Also, she had her hand on my inner thigh once, for a long time, and I didn’t tell her to move it. I was drunk. And she rubbed/massaged my legs and feet another night, but it felt so good that I didn’t tell her to stop. And the last time she stayed over, some 6 months after we reconnected, we had a 3 hour emotional blow-up about everything.
Things were going in a direction that was not good for me, after that, so I basically stopped talking to her for a good six months until I was drunk one night after watching Grey’s Anatomy’s season premiere last year and I msged her on Facebook and wanted to call her at 1 am to resolve some things. I was drunk again. And when she called me the next day, I avoided her.
Did I cheat, or was I just curious about her? I am 100% heterosexual, and I told her this. She is gay.
I don’t think it was an affair. It was all her and her feelings for me that created this. I was just being nice and didn’t want to hurt her. I love my husband.
Thanks. And thanks to mrs. g and Cracker Jack for answering the first time I posted this. I re-posted because I need more answers!!
Before I had a child and married his father, I asked her to make love to me, a decade before this all happened. She didn’t, then.
I didn’t say I was happily married.
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Tagged with: anatomy • bisexuality • christmas • contact • Extramarital Affair • Facebook • feelings • first night • inner thigh • lamps • last time • legs and feet • long time • love • marriage • night before christmas • old school • private life • school chum • season premiere • six months
Filed under: Catch A Cheater
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First of all stop getting drunk and especially when she’s around. You seem to be using it as an excuse for your misbehavior. I wouldn’t call it a sexual affair but it was certainly an emotional affair. You say that she admitted to you from the first time you got together that she’s in love with you! Yet you still spent a lot of time with her including allowing her to hold you in her arms for a couple of minutes knowing she has feelings for you and that she’s gay. I really wouldn’t call it being nice when you let a person who’s in love with you weather male or female to hold you and touch you (even if you were drunk) unless you have similar feelings as you have mentioned.
In conclusion, I believe that you’ve put yourself in this situation which could have most certainly been avoided. If I were you, I would confront my husband about this and stop seeing her because it’s only leading her on if you continue to get together. Hopefully your husband is an understanding person and will appreciate you honesty.
If you have to ask, then yes, you did.
you played with fire….and just got singed…
well, from a guy’s perspective, most men don’t consider anything with another woman cheating unless you leave us for them. Guys are very territorial and only are offended by other men encroaching on thier woman. Other women are usually fine, don’t make a big deal about it, but talk to your husband about it.
Did you tell your husband about it? If not, I’d say you had an affair (or you were pretty darn close). If you’re hiding it from him, then it’s because you feel guilty about it.
If it was a man, would you have let him put his hand on your thigh just so that you didn’t hurt his feelings?
You didn’t cheat, but you did lead her on.
She should have some respect for your marriage and if she doesn’t you shouldn’t be drinking with her and letting her sleep over.
If you have feelings for her, whether or not you consider yourself straight, you should stay away because it is playing with fire.
Guilty.
I say you did not have an affair. I think it could have happened, but you loved your husband more. I also think you kinda want to, but are really not sure. And if she were a real friend she would not put that kind of pressure on you. Seeings how you told her straight up that you were happily married. Don’t get drunk with her anymore, unless you really have feelings for her. Cause, you may end up in bed with her next time.
I think you are gay curious and getting drunk gives you the courage to allow her to get close to you that way. Keep getting drunk with her and you will end up really getting it on with each other and then there will be no doubt. It sounds like you are teasing her a bit and leading her on. It’s wrong and you shouldn’t do it because she has romantic feelings for you. Quit teasing and leave her alone. No, I don’t think you had an affair.