How can you love your spouse and cheat…………?
My hubby had an affair when he was out of state working. He was gone for 9 months, after he came home and confessed all of it, he cried, and begged for forgiveness, said he was stupid, selfish, and just wasnt thinking. (I could have told him a few more things he was). He said he has no idea why he did it, he had been faithful for more than 10 yrs. (AND YES< I KNOW THAT FOR A FACT). We never went anywhere without one another, golfed together, vacationed a lot, and do a lot with the kids. This was the first time we were ever apart for more than a few hours. He said he never stopped loving me and that he would always love me, he even said the other woman was not attractive, he says he just really has no answer as to how he let it happen. He is very remorseful, guilty and ashamed, and is doing EVERYTHING he can to earn my trust again…my question…how do you do that to someone you say that you love? Please no silly answers, just answer if you have done it or know someone who has.THANX
THE AFFAIR LASTED 4 months he was there for 9 months. The affair did not last for 9 months. Not that it matters, but I just wanted to respond to one of the answers.
He has gone to the doctor and was tested for everything…clean bill of health. He said they used condoms, but I was not taking any chances. And also does it mean anything that he confessed? I knew something was eating at him, and kept asking what was wrong, he broke down one night and told me everything. Otherwise, I would never have known, he was 700 miles away for months.
Great answers guys, except for what the hell is up wh that sxybrwn or whatever, she is not very sexy. She wants to lash out and be rde but does not allow email or im…coward. Why do you anwer a question is you supposedly already answered it.
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Tagged with: 4 months • 9 months • bill of health • condoms • coward • email • forgiveness • hell • hubby • love • lt • rde • silly answers
Filed under: Infidelity Warning Signs
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I truly absolutley love my wife but am as guilty as he in the cheating department. Why did I do it? I can’t say for sure other than I it was a curiosity that went too far.
Love is an emotion. Emotions are hard to control sometimes. And it really is possible to love more than one person at a time. It makes a lot of problems, but the emotions aren’t ruled by reason. Because you and your husband were so close and never did anything apart from one another, he probably found it very odd to be alone, and that made him vulnerable to an involvement with someone else. If he’s trying to make it up to you, you should try to forgive him and move ahead with your lives. It won’t be easy, but if you both still love each other, it’s worth a lot of effort.
That is known as a personality flaw and he knows you will not leave him,,,,So it is up to you but You have been warned he will do it over and over again.
Well, he’s been by your side for 10 years and apparently without you there telling him to behave, he went wild and found someone else to take your place while you were separated.
He probably does regret it now, you may be able to save your marriage with counseling.
However, he should have known better. He knew exactly what he was doing. He needs to confess that, instead of trying to blow it off as if he was not in control of his body.
Honestly I don’t think I could forgive. Right before sex I would think about where that penis was before me, or worse. You must be a big person to forgive, and goodluck and Godbless you.
He was alone, maybe she was the one that did or said something to make him attracted to her, to make him vulnerable. He sounds very remorseful, give him a break and get on with your lives.
We are animals to. He need some release and she was their. It was just a f**k not making love.
so sorry to hear of situations like this…it’s happened to me b4….really sometimes Men get caught up in the moment when another female is around especially if alcohol is involved…but there is no excuse….people need to find the definition of real love and start applying it. Good Luck!! Maybe u 2 can go to counseling and try and make it work…but in my opinion talk to him and see what made him cheat…kinkier sex? attention?? communication is key in any relationship.
Number one I would have him go to a doctor to get tested to make sure he did not catch anything. I say that for your safety,second if you believe him,truly believe him then I would say go ahead and give him a second chance tell him he has to prove himself to you and it may take a while to trust him,definantly seek marriage counseling to help the both of you through this and good luck.
This is not a silly answer… I couldn’t do that to someone I truly loved.. And as forgiving as I try to be in my life, I am not certain I would be able to truly forgive him.. I would of course because that is what we are supposed to do, forgive. But I am afraid I would have to move on. I would be very bummed that he was willing to throw his whole marriage in the trash for a brief affair.
P.S. An affair is something that happens once or twice, it does not last 9 months, that is a relationship.. you might to think about that.
Apparently the male human can do this… and I think females can do this too.
This is one of the big differences between men and women’s infidelity.
Men are usually not looking to replace their wife. They want to find someone who fulfills a need they have.
Women are also in search of filling a need, but that need is more of a long-term security, emotional thing. Not the kind that you can easily throw away. In order to attach to their new fling they often need to detach from their husband.
Men don’t need to detach or lose love for their wife to cheat. They of course don’t RESPECT their wives or have any moral backbone, but this isn’t really the question.
To sum it up: men’s affairs are usually of the "chew-em-up and spit-them-out variety". Women’s are usually of the "test driving new car thinking about trading old one in".
People love their cars, but they don’t love gum.
Just b/c he cheated doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you…he may not be in lust with you but he does love you…as a wife not as some hot/spontaneous chick.
Also, if you do that much together him going away for 9 mo’s was like an 18 yr old kid going off the college and away from their parents. He just wanted to have fun…the adult way. *shrug*
I fully expect my husband to cheat on me here or there when I get married and he better expect the same. It keeps things interesting, fun and new between the two. It’s just human nature to want to something new and the excitment that comes with it. Hell, it makes you appreciate what you have together. A little dik or pusy on the side never hurts anyone…just keep it clean and your all good to go.
LOL….u know he totally just opened the door for you to do it. Go get yourself a hot young college kid to have a fling with…it’ll totally be liberating.
Nope not at all!!! If you really love someone you will never do this and i repeat NEVER!!!! If he is truley sorry and remorseful and wants the marriage to work then you need to try and forgive him and give him and your marriage another chance before giving up. I am so glad he is sorry … This says alot about him:) You may need marriage counseling and help for this and it will take time but i feel it is worth at least trying .
http://www.marriagetoday.org
http://www.drphil.com
Wow. Well it shows that if he isn’t around you then it is a lot easier for him to cheat. He is definatley going to have to spend the rest of his life making it up to you. At least he shows he cares… when my bf grabbed some girl’s butt I was so upset. He also said that she wasn’t attractive and that I have the best one he has even seen. I know that mine situation was nothing like yours, but I know what it feels like to have someone do something when they are not around you. If someone does that to you that means they don’t fully appreciate you and usually that means they shouldn’t even deserve you in thier life. The fact that you have been together so long makes it so much harder. Just know that if he has done it once, it makes it so much easier to do it again. So just really keep an eye on him and make sure he treats you like a princess.
Love is to a man a thing appart.
T’is a woman’s whole existance.
There are some guys who never get it. And some gals. Being married to one person after ten years can become boring. It doesn’t mean that you and he have fallen out of love.
But he needs a stiff penalty if you’re able to forgive him. Make him buy you a car or a diamond or a trip or something as a punishment or you’ll file.
Don’t get mad. Get glad.
You have 2 options in front of you:
1.- If you decide to stay with him because you believe in him and you feel like giving him a deserved second opportunities, please tell him to get his acts together and not to act as a wimp. He can´t spend the rest of his life next to you asking for forgiveness and crying over your shoulder. You are going to get bored of him. Believe me I had the same experience.
2.- I f you decide to break up with him, do it without vengeance and hate. Do it the right way and forgive him for what he has done. Life can filled with surprises and you might need him in the future as an ex husband or as a close friend.
I wish you the best.
He may love you, but he is immature and selfish. Let him know it will take a long time for you to be able to trust him again, and be aware that it could happen again if he is away from home for work.
If he had unprotected sex with another woman, he has put your life in danger. Does he realize that? Has he been tested for sexually transmitted diseases?
I feel so bad for you, people chat, it’s no explaination as to why, they just do.. The important thing is his told you the truth, he was man enough to confess to you.
Love isn’t easy, you know that because you’ve invested 10 yrs in.
The best way to get past the pain,is to talk to your husband..let him know when you hurt,
when your feeling sad etc etc.. healing takes time, but once you heal enough, to go on let it go , start anew and don’t look back
You are a brave and wise woman. I would say that your husband is "relationship dependent." You describe your life together as a happy one, but as soon as he had to live without you he couldn’t survive without the intimacy of a woman. I don’t know whether his/your beliefs permit masturbation, but I can say that your man NEEDED a sexual release and when the opportunity presented itself, he was thinking with his penis instead of his brain.
Since he shows remorse, I believe you have a chance at keeping your marriage. You both need to understand his dependency, though, and make provisions for how he will live his life if you are ever apart again for any reason.
Counseling may be helpful, you could certainly try it. It does take a LONG time to get over the feeling of betrayal, but if you focus on the good aspects of your marriage and life together, you can make it - one day at a time.
Wow.. nice name change.. Same question different day.. people answer it u dont like their answers so u keep posting it in different ways..
AGAIN.. If your husband who was only away for 3 months before carring on a afair for 5 to 6 months was really remorseful he would of figured that out after sleeping with the co-worker the first night.. but he didnt he kept doing it time and time again till he had to come back to reality..
Im really curious why he decided to confess.. he knew from what u said that u’d be out.. so he took the chance.. i wonder if she got mad at one point and threatened to tell u .. or if there was some way of saving himself by telling u afraid someway some how u’d find out..
You have posted these same types of questions over and over..and whats it doing for u???? Nothing obviously or u wouldnt be dwelling in it so hard, u preach this babble about how ur so fed up with the saying "once a cheat always a cheat" u even look to the bible to "forgive" yet ur not forgiving cause if u were , u wouldnt be on here taking this roller coaster of one moment defending him then the next wondering how to handle it etc..
IF your truely believed ur man was honest to god remorseful and would NEVER do this again, then all u should be worrying about is going through ur counseling to get u through this hard time and not airing ur dirty laundry all over the place .. especially when u keep asking the same questions, and u only WANT answers that SOUND good to u , u dont want the truth.. u want what makes you feel good..
Fact is this.. if he is truely remorseful he wont ever do this again.. but to say it was a temporary melt down is BS it would of been one night one mistake but he had an AFFAIR..so atleast be realistic to yourself first so that u can forgive the WHOLE scenerio instead of what u only want to believe or u’ll never get over it..
Trust in ur heart to do what is right.. but the problem is , u dont trust him, and u cant trust him, not at the point atleast cause if u did believe in all the crap ur saying, then u wouldnt be writing questions about it constantly searching for someone to tell u what road to take, u’d have faith in yourself to do the right thing with out others showing u the way..
Your going to counseling through the church yet they teach u to have faith in god and have faith in ur husband through god, what faith are u showing by constantly doing the same questions over and over, thats a lack of faith..
You need to decide if u really want this marriage to work, if u can in fact "REALLY" forgive him, If u really feel he wont do this to u again, then work from there in healing it back together.. but ur actions arent showing that ur anywhere near that point..
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Wow i think u have mental issues u cant even get the story straight.. i went and reviewed not only ur questions from this name but from under ur other name that u posted the other day, and u cant even get the stories straight.. one moment he cheated for 5 to 6 months of the 9 he was gone, one story he cheated after he was gone for 3 weeks.. next it was only for 4 months.. and then i found out what i wanted to know HE DIDNT CONFESS HE WAS CAUGHT.. i knew the girl had to of put the screws to him lol..
You keep lying to urself and the lies are starting to become reality to u..he isnt all that remorseful.. he cheated he got caught..and she put the screws to him before he ever confessed a word of it..
Maybe when u stop lying to yourself u can find away of trying to forgive but deep down u know this wasnt just a slip.. u know it, ur just wanting people to tell u things u want to hear so that u can find away of excusing his actions and find away of trying to forgive him.. IF thats what u want to do.. but im thinking that if ur on here using so many different names posting the same questions over and over.. and u cant even keep the details straight.. from one question to the next.. that u’ll never be able to forgive him.. cause ur to busy lying to yourself..
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Awwwwwww im the one thats rude?? no hun im being honest with u something not to many people want to do because they get someone with low class that is going to go on the defensive and start calling people names, chic u can say what u want about me, im not the one on here spouting off about a man that cheated on me.. so take the thorn out of ur own eye before u judge anyone..
Im being Truthful with u.. im trying to get u to wake up and realize that ur marriage isnt going anywhere if u cant stop dragging this thing around with u eventually u have to let go of it either way and ur not doing it.. ur mad because im smart enough to see someone that cant get the story straight recognized u right off the bat cause its the same ole story.. just different day im telling u if u dont figure out how to get urself in check and figure out what u want.. ur marriage is never going to work.. and ur just pissed because you know its the truth… u as always just dont want to admit to it..
And i dont allow emails cause i dont want idiots like u emailing me.. thats being smart not a coward..
And if u dont want peoples oppinions of your Personal life stop airing it out in a million different ways, so u ask for what u get..
I’m probably not the best person to be answering this one, but it’s my opinion that all it takes for most guys (between the ages of 20 and 60) to cheat is the the right circumstances and opportunity.
I know I’ll get thumbs down by some, but I’ve seen it sooo much.
You love your wife and cheat on her by a) loving your wife and then b) pulling out your penis and sticking it into another woman. Of course, it’s stupid, wrong, and demonstrates lack of moral character, but it’s not complicated. The decision whether or not to cheat has far less to do with love than it does with opportunity and lust. Love and sex are not synonyms, so it is possible to love one person and have sex with another. It’s possible — just not right.
Love and Sex are two different things entirely! To Love someone means that you care more about them than you do yourself and you would Sacrifice your own life to save them. Sex is a physical act which all animals participate in for procreation, self gratification, or to meet the need of some physiological problem. It is Wrong for anyone to have extra marital sex with out the consent of the spouse because you can harm the one you vowed to honor for life. Can a Marriage survive this infidelity? That depends on the people involved. True Love would forgive and true love would never open this Pandora’s box for fear of fractured emotions( falling in love with two or more persons) The guilty party must have true regret And try to find out why he failed in his commitment.He needs help and you must truly want to help him. Did he bring home a Disease?
Sex is biological. Love is a learned process. Men are very biological. It does not make it right in our society, but it will go on until some one discovers a pill for biology.
I to was cheated on.My husband was a truckdriver and on a trip out of town he picked up some whore and tryed to hide it for years.He would have probably have never told me but he didn’t use a condom and ended up that I had to go to the doctor for a std.He still denied it for 4 years until I got a medical book showing exactly what the medicine was to be used for.It was only then that he confessed.We stayed together for another 10yrs but I never was able to forgive him,I was so hurt I tried to get back at him by finding my old high school boyfriend.This only created more hurt in my life,when I discovered that I also love my old flame.I left to be with my old flame and 3 days after I was gone my husband filed for divorce after much coaching from my suppose to be best friend.I tryed to talk him in to postponing the divorce but he wouldn’t(by this time my suppose to be best friend was moved in with my husband).I begged him in front of the judge to stop the divorce but he wouldn’t.
Now my ex-husband says he only has her there because I’m not there and he wants me back.I have lost every friend I ever had,one of my kids(age26)has told me to die and go to hell,that she wants nothing to do with me,and the other 2 kids ages 24 & 29 have very little to do with me.I live in a town where I know nobody,I have no job, my job ended 1 yr before my husband and I seperated.That is when I started suffering with depression.Now ALL my days are filled with thoughts of how to end this life that I’m left to deal with.
I really hope that you will be able to forgive your husband and go on to your olden days loving eachother.Please put this behind you and don’t destroy your life and all the lives it will effect.
It does effect others, I know you see my Father-in-law grieved himself to death 2 days after our divorce.Please exam the happy times you’ve had and don’t face the grief of a single life.