When charting family trees, how would you chart kids born from extramarital affairs honestly but sensitively?
I enjoy charting out my family tree, but in so doing, I’ve found a branch here and there where one of the kids in a marriage does not belong to the husband due to an extramarital affair. I was told to just list the kid as a child of the married couple’s anyway, "just because". But I want the chart to be accurate. Is there a "most tactful way" to do this so that it can be shared with the rest of the family? When it comes to kids that both people brought into the marriage with them, that’s a different story. That can be plainly stated. But how can you say, "X and Y had six kids together, and X also had a seventh kid to another person while still married to Y" in the least "volatile" way?
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Tagged with: Charting • different story • Extramarital Affair • Extramarital Affairs • family tree • Family Trees • marriage • married couple • y quot
Filed under: Catch A Cheater
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Living persons are a valid part of any family.
However…
Years ago, after getting a family reunion together, several people chose to do the family "book", and the goal was to include all living members. (we all "know" people love seeing their own name in print, was the reasoning).
I warned against this. 15 yrs down the road, the book has never been "finished" (nor can it be), and those who submitted bios are angry. The guy in charge has privately said that he wished he had listened.
So.. my RESEARCH involves charting ancestors, and only coming to a cut off where persons are not alive. My personal records on living people don’t go in my database, but remain on lined notebook paper.
People being normal people, and having private or volatile info is a fact of life. You save yourself a lot of disputes, if you focus on historical records.
Excellent question. I have no idea (sorry) but will give you a star and watch for answers because I am planning on taking up genealogy.
I just go with the title question.
Some leave them out.Too humiliating.Or just ‘ignore’ them.
I think that you can do so by adding an extra martial branch for that particular person under which you can give the issues’ name.
be honest
even illegitimate children need acknowledgement too!
in todays times of sleeping with whomever was sitting next to you on the subway and producing offspring, I would truly hate to be a geneologist (sp)
honesty, this could be a sore point for some especially the other spouse, so make 2 tree’s chart the children in the original and simply leave then off if you give one to "aunt bessie", these children however conceived are part of the roots of your family and deserve to be included. they did not ask for the circumstances inwhich they have appeared and ultimately adults should act like adults and stop hurting children. just be honest and treat them as if the parties involved have devorced. by simply listing the facts you insure history, there is no need to stamp ILLIGITIMATE on their branch just show their proper place the future will surely produce a generation who can read the facts without placing them in capitol letter’s, besides who really and honestly in todays generation flipps out over this, (other than the spouse who got cheated on ).. Honesty rules…
You can easily show the "affair" as another marriage. Mark the marriage for what it really is, an affair or "uncommitted relationship" of some kind, and show the results of the affair, a child.
That having been said, there are/were certain parts of my own family tree that I did not include in the version that went outside to the rest of the world. To do so would have offended many in my family that I held dear. My immediate family (mostly siblings) was shown the real/accurate version, and given copies on CD, in case anything happened to me.
Good luck with that. Allow your own sensibilities to guide your actions.
Hi You could either
a) create a new line and link as a separate spouse as you would with multiple marriages,
or
b) Just put a note on the child’s file,
either way as long as it’s done with Lave and tact and of course assuming the child knows and is not going to be traumatised by this revelation the all should be well.
We all have family secrets don’t we.
I had this same issue with a couple of mine. What I did was put the Mother’s maiden name as the child’s last name and in the notes put the explaination. I explained what I had done to the family members involved and they had no problem with the way I handled it.
Well if the generation that you are charting has already "passed on" then think nothing of hurting someones feeling. Chart it as you would any other family and its descendants its more common then you think. Those lines deserve just as much attention and research as legitimate lines. Now if the Generation is still living then store your research in your private files to be given to whom ever you see fit on the event of your death so that way it protects the living and keeps you from getting nasty emails and phone calls from people b/c you listed the living or a indiscretion.
I would say if you now the name of the father of the child made out of wed lock or from an affair list him or just list unknow father with the wife name and then the illegimate child listed in that group. I hope this helps.
partner? companion?
I think the best way would be just to have another line connecting the two people who had a child together, as if it was another marriage.
The same as any other family. We all have families that we do not have marriage information documented - whether that’s because we just have not found the document, or Other. Really, it’s that simple.
Think about it - you can find plenty of polygamous families’ family trees. (Especially if some of your ancestors happen to have taken that historical first hard route to Utah.)
The tact part is really a matter of genealogy ethics - we do not show files online that includes living persons. Again it’s really that simple.
Information about living people shouldn’t be on line. However, you can just show the child with both parents without any mention of whether the parents were married or not.
I keep my history on a computer program and disk. It allows for separate spouses. I list the married person first and their children, then add the other relationship and any children from that relationship. I also make a little note about it in the person’s comment section.
As I go farther back in history, I found a couple in my past that had 7 children together while she was his mistress (my line comes from these children) and then when his wife died they got married. I just noted the facts.
Personally I think it makes your family history more interesting when things like that happen!