What should I do? See an old friend or avoid a possible temptation?
I have several friends I’ve caught up with through FB. Some of them want to get together and others just want to keep it electronic. I was seriously attracted to a guy, let’s call him John in high school and he found me on FB last week. We’ve been chatting and I remember all these feelings I had for him. We were always just friends but flirted like crazy. Now I am married and he is married but I am clearly happier than he is. And he wants to see me. It is not a question of self-control. I adore my DH and have no problems in cheating, but am I asking satan to tempt me here? Is seeing a guy I used to really have the hots for, just too tempting? Our friendship was 6 years running and very very platonic other than the occasional look and brush of cheeks when we’d hug – everyone hugged back then.
Should I see him only if our spouses are there or not see him at all?
Actually when I got the invite from "John" I did tell my DH and he said "ok". He knows that we have a history of flirtying but (1) my DH is not the jealous type and (2) the flirting was platonic and (3) I flirt now. Both DH and I were cheated on in our prior relationships and there is NO WAY I’d do taht to him or to our relationship. But I also don’t want to be emotionally less available to my DH because of John. I don’t think I’ll be tempted to cheat, but to have cheating thoughts… which might as well be cheating.
You’re right. I do want to have my ego stroked and yes possibly so does he. And that is pride, pride in who I was. And I don’t need John to make me feel good about me. Thanks to all of you who’ve answered so far.
I am being somewhat open with DH, but will be 100% and see what he thinks. DH is such a good judge of character & gives great advice, even when it’s me who struggles. I am not usually so tied to my emotions and thoughts of self-worth because I am loved.
The whole point of the recording of A&E is that man is sinful to the core – that’s why A blamed E, even though he should’ve said "Yep I ate it and I’m sorry".
I think my sinful desire to relive the glory days or see someone who used to make me feel so great about me, is really about to put myself in a situation that is ill-conceived and dangerous for my marriage and my mental health. Even though I KNOW nothing will happen, I’ll bring DH along to show John how much I love DH and how our friendship needs to be.
Tagged with: 6 years • amp • cheeks • dh • ego • emotions • feelings • Friends • friendship • hots • jealous type • john i • just friends • old friend • pride • quot • relationship • relationships • satan • self control • self worth • temptation
Filed under: Catch A Cheater
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I have one of those people too : ) I think if you meet up you might even find how much you’ve both changed and you might not even have that same feeling, it might even disppoint you to lose that "ýounger sweetheart” memory to look back on and always wonder or you might be just glad to not have to think about it again? But accept where your life has taken you, I say if you want to meet up do it and good luck : )
Just having to ask the question "Is seeing a guy I used to really have the hots for, just too tempting?" should tell you that you ought not to get together.
I don’t know – my my impression is it isn’t a matter of the devil – I think too often people use that as an excuse to not be personally responsible. Unless you have some addition to drama, in which case absolutely don’t see him. Have you asked you DH what he thinks?
If you have a question, you don’t trust yourself enough. Just let it go.
If you adore your husband then you won’t meet this guy w/o your husband being present.
the guy is in an unhappy marriage and his motives aren’t to be trusted. He knows you used to have a thing for him, he may be looking for the ego stroking an old crush would give him, and the HS girl you used to be might be flattered by the attention now and take you down a path you don’t really want to go.
If you were both single, I’d say go for it but you have too much to lose and the risk is too great to take the chance.
This guy is in your past and your husband is your present and your future. If you want to stay married then you’ll keep this guy in your past.
BTW: your clue that he’s up to no good is if he balks at your husband coming along or you getting to know his wife.
FWIW: if you go see him w/o your husband or w/o telling your husband ahead of time then you won’t be asking Satan to do anything. YOU will be the one tossing yourself into temptation & doing all the work for him. Don’t blame the devil for your poor choices & bad decisions. Take responsibility for your actions & decisions & you’ll be less likely to put yourself in high risk situations.
(that’s the part that always griped me about Adam, Eve & the Serpent & the fruit. "The woman you gave me told me to eat it." –the audacity, blaming both God & Eve for his decision to do something he was told not to do. how like a child. "The serpent told me to do it."–the original version of "the devil made me do it". How different a religion might we have had if in the story, Adam and Eve had said, "Yep, I ate it" and owned up to their choice to disobey rather than try and deflect the blame elsewhere.)
edit:
If you have reason to believe you will be emotionally less available to your husband then don’t go.
If there is a history of cheating exes in your husband’s past then you don’t want to risk the appearance of impropriety & cause him to begin doubting you.
If you continue this friendship w/ "John", then *everything* about this friendship has to be open and accessible to your husband if you are to avoid damaging your marriage. When everything is open then you don’t risk emotionally alienating your husband.
But if you think for even a nano-second that this guy would be tempting to you in any way then just remain online friends who don’t share very much overly personal information.