Leave my cheating spouse although he’s a good provider?

He provides a very comffortable and high standard of living for me and our child – but he is a liar and a cheater.

We’ve been married 9 years. We have one child together (a toddler). He treated me like crap while I was pregnant and we almost divorced then – but didn’t. He travels a lot for work and has only been around half of our chlid’s life. When he’s around, he is a good father – but he travels too much. While traveling, things have happened in the past. A few years ago he had an affair over the holidays which left me home alone and pregnant. I decided to forgive him and move on to try to be a family. Since then it has gotten worst. He constantly complians about me not doing this and that – while he is out meeting women. I have looked at the phone records and saw late night phone calls, hundreds of text messages (not to me). I have seen credit card bills of him spending hundreds of dollars at strip clubs. A few months ago I saw a credit card bill for a hotel room? When I asked him about it, he claimed that he had met a stripper that he invited to the room but she supposedly never showed up because she worked late? He admitted to me while he was overseas he messed with a few women. He claims to have never had sex with any other women other than the one he had the affair with while I was pregnant. But I feel like he cheats every time he goes on travel for work (at least 1-2 times a month).

On the flip side, he is a great provider. We both make good incomes bu he makes much more than me and we live in a great home and drive great cars. From the outside looking in, everyone thinks we have the perfect marriage and family – but I know otherwise. I have tried to continue to move forward and try new things to keep his interests at home but he continues to do wrong. He was out of town last week for work. His phone called me by mistake and I heard him with a woman. He was asking her what restaurant she wanted to go to. He even made a comment about her touching him. They were laughing and giggling together like they were the couple – and not us! I listened until my phone dropped reception. He called me back immediately. I asked him if he was alone and he told me yes? Despite me hearing him with that woman? I told him I heard him talking with his date for the last 5 minutes. He told me he was going to say NO to every question I asked him. I just hung up. He’s been on travel for a week and I just spoke to him for the first time yesterday when he came home. He claims that he did not cheat with that woman or any other woman. But I am at a point where I am tired of going through this. I am not a fool. Strip clubs, hotel rooms, late night phone calls, and finally me actually hearing him with another woman.

I have decided to leave him. I am afraid to. He has always paid 3/4 of the bills and leaving means that I will not live like this anymore and I will have to pay all the bills on my own. I am scared that if I leave, I won’t find anyone better. Maybe on top of being a liar and a cheater, the next man will abuse me or lie and cheat even more than he did? I just feel like I don’t deserve this. I am tired of going through it. I am a good wife, a good mom, and I have my own career. I ran the numbers and I can provide a good life for myself and my child but I will be spending my entire paycheck on it. I have no savings. I have debt. I feel trapped. My husband has come home. We talked about this last occurence of his phone calling me and he told me to get over it? He told me to just deal with it because he is paying everything and that I need to be smart and think with my head and not with my heart. He says if I stay he will continue to provide and he will give me all I want. It’s almost like he wants to buy me off for being able to cheat? I told him I was not ok with him meeting other women and carrying on like a single person. We tried marriage counseling but it didn’t change anything. He still met and talked to other women while we were going through it and he made me waste my money on it. I know there are a lot of women out there that would kill to marry a man that makes six figures and provides a good standard of living. But in what world is the cost of receiving that from a spouse – giving the OK to cheat? I will NEVER be ok with him cheating but his response is always for me to move and get over it and that he’s not a bad guy. Would I be stupid to live a comfortable lifestyle just to be on my own and possibly struggle financially?

I am praying on this. Deep down inside I feel like the right decision for me is to get a divorce and move on. It feels so difficult to take that step and venture into the unknown. We’ve been together most of our adult live so neither of us have ever lived on our own before. If I leave, will I survive?
Thank you for the sincere responses. For the other respones, why bother responding if you’re going to be azzholes about it? I didn’t marry him because he makes 6 figures! When we initially got together he made 1/7 of that. His income has grown over the years. With this income growing, he has provided more material things and a higher standard of life – but he has also seemed to have done more outside of the home since making more money. Ultimately I know it is my decision and mine alone. I just posted here to get some insight from others. So for those that read this post and responding with some insightful words, thank you.

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