How often do men really want to have "relations" with their wives, and if not, what usually stops them?

I’m a 34 year old married woman. I am fit, attractive, smart, and pretty darn adventurous in the bedroom. My husband and I have been married for two years, together for four.

Sex has always been somewhat of an issue for us in the sense that I want it more than he does. To me, this is a way for us to connect as well as also being a way for us to occassionally cut loose with each other and try some fun new "techniques" together. Who better than your spouse to do this with?!

He rarely, if ever, wants to have sex. He says that he probably could do it once a week or even less, but because I tend to want it more, he’ll "oblige", and do it about 3 times per week on average. It’s almost like a rule that we do it 3 times per week, no more and no less.

I suppose 3 times per week after four years is pretty decent, but the issue is that I can totally tell that he is just doing it to oblige me. I once told him it seems like he is often just doing it with me like it’s a chore for him to cross of a list, and he said that yes, sometimes he does feel that way. When we do have sex, he only gets "turned on" when there is constant stimulation and touching going on with his, well, you know. It’s not intimate AT ALL.

He says he has always had this issue. He says that his whole life, he’s always wondered what all the hype is about with sex and why guys like it so much. He says he loves to look at a woman’s body (mine) and loves to touch me, but that sex is a real job for hima nd he has to constantly concentrate to make things work for him.

He also told me just last week that he doesn’t even think about sex at all anymore and that he really doesn’t even notice women these days like he once did. He said he feel like he could completely do without it, although we are still doing our 3 time per week ritual, I can tell he is just not into it, and I am feeling less and less confident because of his lack of desire for me.

I know he isn’t cheating. I have my ways of knowing this for sure. He does have some low testosterone levels that he takes a cream for, and the levels have come up some, but his desire is down still. I’ve tried to talk to him about this and suggested a sex therapist at one point, but whenever I bring it up, he calls me selfish and storms out, often staying at a hotel that night.

I am wondering, are there any guys out there who feel un-interested in sex with their women? Does work get in the way of a man wanting sex? Stress? Fighting? On an average week, how often do men really want their wives? All I ever hear about is how men are always getting the cold shoulder from their wives because the man always wants to do it and the wife doesn’t. Does it ever happen the other way around?

I’m despereate for some answers before I throw in the towel. This is very painful.

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