Am I just changing as I get older or what?

Okay, first this is about the sexual part of a relationship. I’ve been married for over a year and for as long as I can remmeber I’ve never been the one to allow porn or anything. I dumped guys when I found out they had watched porn and it took me a long time to accept the fact that just about any if not all men I would meet and/or date. I only had maybe 2 serious relationships in my life and again they were men who gave up porn (but yes had looked at it at somepoint) I had never looked nor watched pornography until college and for one night I made myself sit up and look and watch all kinds and was still so disgusted with it. Never again did I look nor want to. I married a man who had gave it up to me (i told him I owuldn’t marry him if he was still into it) and one point we almost divorced beasue i cought him trying to look up porn again yet ever since I guess he was so scared of losing he stoped. But now I find myself wanting or thinking about porn and even thinking of watching it (yet I still don’t) I’ve always considered it a form of cheating as if you were literally in bed with another person becasue your spouse should only think of you mentally, physically and emotionally. (yes I’ve heard people say ‘would you rather him cheat’ and again, it is the same as cheating to me) But now I’m starting to tihnk ‘what if we watch it together?’ I feel so torn apart like I’m willing to do somehting I feel is so wrong for a marriage yet to ad excitment or something. I’m starting to feel I’m losing interest in my husband sexually so I think if porn is entered it might help in someway. My husband isn’t ugly or anything but I just cna’t orgasm and I want to think about a man who has mucles and nice short blond hair or something and i’ve even told my husband what I want him to say and such to get me going but he doesn’t. I can’t ask my husband to work out more or something considereing how I look-I’m not a drop dead georgous woman or anything so its really tough. What should I do and if my husband and I do decide to introduce porn-where can I find something that ONLY has a man and woman, and regular or normal sex- NO lesbians nor gays, no oral, and no of a guy squirting himself onto the woman in any way? No raping or hurting another woman-no bondage type stuff-. where could I find this? I was thinking of somehting like a teacher and student role playing i just odn’t want something raping, gays, oral, or the slimy stuff all over one another (can’t say it on answers) And I never had expected myself to get married due to what I wanted adn did not want in a relationship and I was happy with and content. I would have rather been single then be with a man who was different or was going to do something that he knew I didn’t allow.

p.s. if you’re just going to make a comment or say I’m stupid or in NO way help nor answer my question then just do not answer please. thanks

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