How am i wrong for feeling? Pls help..?

Im gonna try to make this as clear and brief as possible. My bf has this ex that just rubs me the wrong way. I hate her so much it makes my skin crawl!. Now, i understand that they had been friends before they actually started dating and it has been years since they had been a couple. Now, he went out with her a few years back and told me (and i commend him on it) that she was hitting on him! asking him to kiss her and whatever. She was in a relationship at the time and she also knew about me!. Eversince then i have a very big issue with him talking to her. It seems like he has to talk to her. I tried to understand that they were friends and yes i do talk to my ex’s but never have they once came off on me very disrespectful. I only talk to them on holidays or bdays. I asked my bf to pls, if he’s gonna talk to her then dont do it around me! i mean i cant stop him from talking to anybody. That is a grown ass man and he’s gonna do whatever. Im not even with the fact that he talks to her but guys he’s not respecting my wishes and telling me that she’s pretty much gonna be around and that i dont need to feel so insecure. Thats not the point! if your spouse, gf, bf or whatever does not like your ex because she or he disrespected you why would you even communicate with this person? especially when your lover is around?! i mean ppl is it just me? I feel very disrespected and then yesterday i learned that he had went over to her house..they stay around the corner from eachother..she has a bf as well but what does that mean? nothing. Ive been with this fool 3yrs and im tired. I feel like he’s disrespecting me strongly by still talking to her and she knows i dont like her. Its giving her the upper hand. I love him with all my heart and i dont ever think of him cheating but understand where im coming from. Im about to lay out an ultamatum: its either her or me. However, before i do that i just want some feedback..thanx alot. What would you do?

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