Would you consider this good advice?

“I have cheated on my wife, what should I do?"

One of two choices, tell and forgive yourself or don’t tell her and live lifetime w/the guilt and lies.

"I married my wife when we were both very young and I have cheated on her off-and-on throughout our entire marriage."

Age is just an excuse, this action says everything about your character and living in denial deprives everyone of solicitude, trust, respect and love; that includes you, your wife, your kids and both your families. Have you considered that your wife may know already and has just resolved I her heart or mind that she must just live with it??? Women are smarter than men give them credit for. Either way you need to give her a chance to decide what she wants, period! If you do this then you can begin the rebuilding, and there is rebuilding that will need to take place whether you two stay together or not…but do you want to continue to live a lie and subject you kids to this, that’s what you really need to focus on; because you are setting the example for your kids, what would you tell your son or your daughter for that matter if their spouse were treating them the way you are treating them and their mom? Would if your dad was doing this to your mom what would you tell your dad, would you want you mom to know and be able to choose how she was being treated. Besides that you are risking bringing disease and death to your family being with mere strangers or anyone! Didn’t think of that did you, pretty selfish is any of this sinking in.

"We have two children. I love my wife and care about her. She is a good mother and wife. She is one of the most caring people I have ever known."

Your delusional if you think your going to sell us that bridge, if you loved even yourself you would have had better character man and you sure would not be making excuses and then saying she is caring…its irrelevant, and if you believe that then that by itself is why you need to come clean. You say she is a good mother, well you will probably have to see that as an outside observer from the time you tell her now, but she will most certainly be an even grater single mom, but you have no choice in her decision…you have a choice and ability to treat yourself with respect from here on out, you have to allow her the time and space to make a decision, don’t do what I did come clean and stay, you have to leave the household and hope she calls you home…you have to go through counseling again regardless of what she deiced for the benefit of your children’s future. Lastly, stop mentioning her endearing qualities, all you are doing is making a further ass of yourself proving how much of an idiot you are if all these things are true then why the hell are you being so disrespectful to yourself, her, your children and your families!

"The problem I have is that I feel like something is missing in our marriage."

Then end it yourself, don’t put it off on her step up and be a man!

"I cannot connect to my wife intellectually. There is just something not there. "

Now this has been the case ever since you two met and grew together and procreated…don’t you see what it says about you that you say this? Her failings are your failings and vise versa, which again emphases why you must tell her all and I do mean all of it, leave no stone unturned that will serve both of you no questions and in your heart you will be better able to forgive yourself if you are 100% completely honest at this point it doesn’t serve anyone but your conscience. I was accused of covering my own ass, so be it I know I bore my sole and my wife took over 7 months to leave me and before that when I came clean she didn’t file for divorce for 3 months.

"When I cheat I do not think it is about the sex."

Please man it’s always about sex, it may not be the intent, I guarantee if you had no balls then it wouldn’t be about the sex!!! Oh and stop thinking it’s getting you into further trouble and denial.

"I think what I am really after is the companionship and the connection that my wife and I do not have."

Again why you have to come clean and get a pet, my goodness…you don’t need to make a women in hores for companionship, that’s what they amount to sleeping with a married individual. That’s true if they know or not, that again is something I guess you didn’t think about. More lies and denial.

"I feel guilt and emptiness and am generally not a happy person. The affairs of course do not make me happy either."

Need I say more…

"What should I do? Should I tell my wife about my cheating? I will probably end up divorced if I do. "

You know what I think. That’s her decision to make and you are robbing her of that dignity think about all I have said here. And yes like me, you will most likely end up in a divorce either way in reality anyway…

"I feel like we can provide my daughters with a better life if we stay married."

Very selfish thinking if you don’t confess.

"Is a marriage broken beyond repair when one partner has strayed? Could I ever fix my marriage without telling my wife?"

Yes it broken, only your wife will be able to decide that and you can only hope she will want to "fix it" with you, she will have all that you have to say to consider the answer to that. I really don’t think you should rehearse what you going to confess you just need to do it… again I’d set up an apartment or friend’s house or rent a room in someone else’s house after you tell her, give her space and tell her your doing it for her good and not for you, she may think your doing it to go out with other women, and I’m telling you whether she asks for it or thinks she needs the space it’s the best move for both of you and if your going to end up divorced you will have to explain to your kids either way…spare them the drama of living under the same roof with you two while you sort this out. They deserve that much respect. Best of luck to you and yours, you can thank me by letting me know what the outcome and choice you made. Okay now go do the right thing. If you have to get a hotel room to stay in until you can sort what she needs from you, she may say stay or go so by you being prepared, you can’t lose per se.


Has a 3 year old son, and my crime was not cheating in the conventional way, but I attempted to help an old neighborhood, elementary, middle and high school friend who was also a lesbian who had been married, but divorced try to conceive a child, after I had been happily married for 1 1/2 years based upon an age old agreement made way before I was married. My wife suspected something was wrong for a long time, I didn’t cheat on my wife after we got married with anyone else for any other reason and she called me out one September Night and I came clean this was in 2005 the year my son was born, she again filed for divorce in December and didn’t stop sleeping in the same bed with me until March and left me in April, and yes I stopped having contact with that so called friend on the spot, ever since I have had only contact with her twice once by phone and months later via email where in both cases I told her I could never speak to her again regardless of what happened to my marriage, after all with friends like that, yes I made my choice, then who needs enemies!

Just so you all know this was an answer I took the time to write to a guy named Daniel Q and when I went to answer his complete question found it removed, so I posted it as a question of my own, I’m already divorced if you noticed!!!

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