Question FOR MEN regarding how men avoid admitting to cheating.?
If a wife accused a man of cheating based on many facts that were pointing in that direction. Would a man hesitate for weeks on answering and then decide to admit that he only had sexual thoughts about the other woman just so he wouldn’t have to admit the actual act of sex? Is that how men clear their conscience enough to feel better or could it actually be true that all the cheating signs are there yet it really was all just in his head….for a year….including telling the other woman I love you. Thanks!
The situation involves a single coworker. He first would only admit to being friends with her and having "best friend" type feelings for her yet I kept asking him why then he hid his relationship with her from me. He then said (weeks later) that he really didn’t have feelings for her but that he had alot of sexual thoughts about her…but nothing unusual…just what it would be like to have sex with her, get a bj, etc.
TO KEVIN R ~ your response is too funny! "thought police"? PUH-LEEZE! If I suspect my man of cheating, and I ask him, IIIIIIIII cannot control what he tells me. I know all people have thoughts, I could care less. But if you read my whole story you would see that he obviously had more with someone that I did not know since he was telling her he loved her. I was only asking if men would admit to sexual thoughts just to relieve their conscience and not outright admit to cheating. Thought police, privacy…..that’s funny stuff there.
Tagged with: Being Friends • best friend • cheating wife • conscience • Coworker • feelings • funny quot • funny stuff • relationship • sexual thoughts • signs
Filed under: Infidelity Warning Signs
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As an infidelity couples counselor:
Only 3% of men will outright admit to cheating. Those are hard statistics. It doesn’t matter if you have a hunch, or a little bit of evidence, but 97% of men will not admit to cheating until there is 100% hard evidence on it. End of story. Bottom line, If you’re waiting around for him to confess to you, it isn’t going to happen. Regardless, there is something that we in this business call "trickle truth." That means, when he tells you "I have feelings for her," then "we went out for dinner several times," then "we kissed," then… "oh by the way we also had a full blown sexual affair that lasted months." It’s extremely common, and I would say it happens in 90% of the infidelity cases I work with, both male and female. It’s their way of sugar coating it, as well as seeing how much you know, and what they can get away with, lying-wise. Really the only way to get to the truth is by doing some digging. Find out what he’s doing, install a keylogger, look at his phone, phone records, see where he’s at when he goes out, etc. This information isn’t something that he is going to give willingly.
Sorry… edited because I was having a brain mishap. It is 3% and 97%, obviously not 97% and 97%.
Possibly the man was having relations via Internet chats/sites. Exchanging pics and webcams. It’s difficult to say for certain, because I do not know what signs the wife was subjected too.
I don’t know i never had cheated. I would say lie lie lie until there is solid proof. It would suck to be cheated on thats about the only thing if violated that would end our marriage.
I think that many men who act as you described ONLY make EXCUSES rather than ADMISSIONS because they were CAUGHT CHEATING.
So many men make up the most ridiculous excuses like
1) I only had sexual thoughts about her
2) I was drunk and didn’t know what I was doing
3) We only did it once
4) She forced herself on me
5) I felt sorry for her & was trying to comfort her
6) We only went out to dinner & had a few drinks together
7) It was only meaningless sex
and the most idiotic excuse of all:
I was thinking about you when I was having sex with her
A man who cheats is not concerned about clearing his conscience…..he is concerned about cheating without getting caught and IF he is caught…he denies & denies & denies no matter how obvious his cheating is.
Think about it ? A cheating man does usually NOT come up to you FIRST and admit that he has been cheating ….A cheating man ONLY gives you phony excuses AFTER you catch him cheating and confront him.
Wow !
What are you ? the thought police ?
How dare you invade the mind of someone else and feel like it is your
right to subject them to your abuse ?
Ever hear of privacy ?
Who wants to try and justify every thought they have ?
They are all part of being a human being . We think about all kinds of scenario’s involving others, it’s not a crime , it’s not adultery , it’s not cheating , so what are you thinking here ?
If he acted on his thoughts and did the deed , then it’s gone past
wishing , to doing , and that would be a different story .
Marriages have their ups and downs this may be a low point in one since , but equally true , it could be a starting point for the two of you to reconcile your differences and open up communication for healing to take place .
It’s very obvious that problems exist , but they are manageable problems that the two of you can work through .
Men will DO and SAY anything to get THAT.
Not all but MAAANNNNNYYYY!!
some men don’t have a conscience to clear they do it for the hell of it just want a different piece of asss when ever they can get it. and is going to lie about any part of it and after awhile it comes natural its just a habit to lie and you get pretty good at it after while, so i’m told.