What if I don't want to get married, are there people who feel this way?

I don’t want to get married mostly because I can’t promise another human being that I will always be there for them and always love them. I feel its unrealistic and unfair to say this and to promise someone else that you will always be there for them. Life just seems so uncertain, there are no guarantees that you will always love them and feel the same.

But I think what I can promise to someone is that I will do my best to work on the relationship each day and to not walk away when things get hard. To do my best. I can do this. But I can’t promise forever.

People tell me a lot "oh you’ll change your mind when you meet the right person…" How many times have I heard people who claimed "oh we’re so in love…." get married and then get divorced?

I also think that getting married doesn’t show committment. People still cheat while married, they leave their children and spouse. Going through a ritual ceremony and getting a government approved certificate doesn’t show commitment. Commitment to me is proving yourself each and everyday.

What I find ironic is that marriage is supposed to do this but it often unravels relationships.

I don’t want to be a wife. I’m not interested in cooking and cleaning or any of the traditional wifely roles. Sure everyone has to cook and clean even when they’re single but I will never be a Martha Stewart type. I’m also not interested in being a mother. I feel marriage is only necessary if you’re interested in building a family.

I feel that once people are married there are certain expectations from each other and from society that they succumb to. Even if the couple isn’t very traditional and even if they don’t expect for this to happen to them or deny that it will happen to them.

People in marriages seem to change and get very controlling and territorial. Even if they don’t think that they will. There seems to be this entire thing of "oh I own you" now even though its not always spoken. There’s this assumption that just because someone is your husband/wife that now you own each other. Its very twisted.

My theory seems that couples that do get married after being unmarried seem to hit a wall when they come across these expectations and then get divorced because they can’t see past their husband/wife roles once they get hitched.

I also want to remain separate finances, bank accounts, etc.

Besides I see couples like Goldie Hawn and her partner Kurt Russell and Johnny Depp and his gf Vanessa and how they have built families and careers and lives together and I respect them for that.

Growing up I assumed that I would get married and have kids but when I hit 18 I realized that I didn’t have to follow the same life script that my parents and grandparents have done. Not that I look down on their life or anything, its just not for me and deep down I know its not for me. I’m in my late 20s now and I haven’t changed my tune about this.

Anyway are there people out there who don’t want to get married for whatever reasons?
Why am I selfish? Where is it written that we all have to follow the same life script?
CJ…thanks for your advice.
thanks pamela

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