How can I regain my trust and have a healthy happy marriage?

How can I regain my trust and have a healthy happy marriage?

My wife and I are high school sweethearts. Long story short, she has been unfaithful several times in many different ways since we were dating. first she cheated on me with her ex, then she left me for another guy, then, shortly after we got back together after a little over a year, she started talking to the guy she left me for about how she misses him and loves him still, well, these 2 guys are far behind us and I am quite sure of that.

However, I had suspicions about her and a co-worker of hers that she assured me was just a friend for months, well, after several signs of infidelity I decided to leave her, 3 days later she had a new boyfriend, which I didn’t care about because I know she has dependency issues, and she cant bring herself to be alone for any small period of time.

I’ve known that about her since the get go, but 4 months after I left her, we decided to work things out yet again, of course, im having a hard time trusting her still, I don’t think anything is going on, but she did cheat on her b/f while we were split up with the guy she works with, she has agreed to stop talking to him, and I have stopped talking to all those I had romantic engagements with during my life, we both have, but I sometimes feel like no matter how good she is to me now, I will never be able to trust her again, and I cant be in a relationship like that.

Im not saying I have been perfect, I used to have a porn addiction, I once propositioned another girl, not because I wanted her, but because I felt betrayed by her and wanted her to feel the pain she had put me through time and time again, ive also had some issues showing her that I love her, because I was depressed about the feelings I was having concerning her and any other guy she even glanced at. I love my wife, and I believe her when she says that it wont happen again, but if I cant somehow learn to trust her again, im only going to push her away with my suspicions. Sometimes I feel like a sucker for trying to work things out, but shes my wife, I married her because I love her and still do. we are only 21, we have been married for 2 years, but we have almost been divorced several times in those 2 years.

We are a perfect match for each other, we both have the same interests and dreams, we both LOVE animals and want to work with them for a living, shes a groomer, and im a biology student. We have over 30 pets and run a reptile rescue, and no one else but her and I are going to do that with each other.

I don’t want to be told I should leave her, at one point I had considered really cheating on her, to show her just how hard it is to get over something that serious, because she sometimes gets mad at me for being suspicious. Its true she spends ALL her time outside of work with me, and she still works with the guy, but I believe nothing is going on most of the time, but just small misunderstandings will set me off into believing delusions that she is somehow still fooling around on me.I need this to stop before I lose my mind, or my wife. I don’t have the money for medication right now, though that is on the to-do list, since I have bad spouts of depression when thoughts of her infidelities wont leave my mind.

I just want to be able to trust her, since she is making an honest effort to show me that she regrets her mistakes, and is willing to do anything to prove that she will only be with me from now on. I know she knows how hard it is on me, and I know how hard it is for her to keep trying to show me she can be trusted when I repeatedly suspect and/or accuse her of being unfaithful. I have forgiven a lot, everything she has done, I have forgiven, and vice versa, even tho her discrepancies were far more serious and numerous…

I guess what im trying to say is….is there ANY couples who have been through this amount of betrayal and still managed to hold things together. It feels like an impossibility for us to end up even remotely happy and healthy on a consistent basis.

We are happy for the most part, but the fights over things I make up in my head have got to go, I just cant stop and I don’t know what to do!!!!

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