Boyfriend Password Protected His Phone

My boyfriend password protected his phone and I am wondering if he is trying to hide that he is having an affair with another girl. If this exact thing has happened to you for no obvious reason whatsoever, then you ought to keep a closer look on what your boyfriend is actually doing behind your back.

You and your boyfriend used to stay up all night in bed, just talking. Everything was relaxed. You shared all your possessions, he would ask you to get things from his bag; you’d go through his briefcase to help him to find his day planner.

You spent every minute together you could. There was total trust, openness and sharing. You felt so connected.

So why does he jump now if you walk into the room while she’s on the phone?

Why does he stay up long after you’ve gone to sleep, working on the computer?

Your first worried thought is, unfortunately, probably the right one. Your loved one is pulling away. There’s now a distance there, a gulf where the intimacy used to be, and you feel like you’re intruding in things that before, you used to share. He just seems to need so much privacy now.

The other sickening part of it is that you didn’t have a fight, and there’s nothing to explain his sudden cold shoulder – or that worrisome, distracted glow in his eyes. Nothing, that is, except the possibility you don’t want to face.

Is your lover seeing someone else?

The biggest Red Flag is change

Here is a quick and partial list of some of the privacy issues that could become symptoms of an affair. Remember, you’re looking for change from past behavior:

• He gets angry or uncomfortable if you answer his phone
• He doesn’t want you getting anything from his wallet anymore
• He gets nervous or jumpy if you start going through his briefcase or pockets
• He shuts down her computer screen if you walk up behind her
• He password protects her email or computer
• He gets his own cell phone account
• He deletes his email or chat trail, or he clears his cell phone history
• Phone calls are taken out of the room and conversations kept low
• Suddenly hangs up if you walk in
• He has friends he has to see alone and activities that exclude you
• He suddenly needs to visit his mother/sister/friend a lot, without you
• He doesn’t want you driving him places any more

The main red flag, however, is probably your intuition.

While there are some people who really are insecure, controlling or paranoid, for the most part, if you suddenly feel like something’s wrong between you, if your internal radar is sending out alarms that make your stomach feel heavy or your heart to feel wounded, chances are that your ever-vigilant self-preservation instinct is kicking in.

Our ‘gut’ will tell us what our brain doesn’t want to hear — even when our gut is screaming to get our attention. And that’s understandable.

The same way many people will ignore signs of cancer until it’s just too obvious to dismiss, we’ll sometimes do anything (lie to ourselves, make flimsy excuses to justify our spouses’ behavior, blame ourselves, even isolate ourselves from concerned friends and family) to preserve our precious fantasy that all is well.

Why? Because that fantasy is our life-blood.

If you have to, hire a private detective or educate yourself about how to track down, trap or document a suspect cheating boyfriend.

If you talk to your friends or family they may push you to leave him, stay for the sake of the children or any number of interfering controlling advice; listen with only half your mind.

Their advice may be good, but maybe not good for you. They aren’t living your life. They don’t know the right path for you.

A trained therapist or counselor, on the other hand, generally, won’t ‘tell you what to do’. They will, however, help you sort through your feelings and options and work out, step by step, moment by moment, your next moves.

And this is important, because NO MATTER what you decide, it’s your relationship and your life, and no one but you has the right to make those big decisions.


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