Snooping and signs of infidelity?
I’m not one to snoop through my husbands personal belongings, ex: wallet, e-mail, cell phone, lock box, etc; unless I feel I have a very valid reason to do so. He, on the other hand feels that if I don’t snoop it means I’ve lost interesting in him, am looking for someone else, don’t think he’s attractive, and he must have no ‘game’ if he wanted to get another woman. He likes to perform routine checks of my accounts and cell history. I let him cause there’s nothing for him to find, and he has all my passwords. I don’t have his, I haven’t asked and it irks him that I don’t demand access to his stuff. Really, I don’t feel as though I have a valid reason to snoop through his stuff. He, on the other hand, wants to know where I am, who I’ve talked to, what I plan to do the next day, etc; at any given moment. I’ll admit that at times it does annoy me cause I’ve shown him before that he has nothing to worry about and that I feel like not snooping should be a sign that I trust him and what he does. Basically he and I have very different opinions about this: I believe that unless there are signs, there’s no reason to go through your partner’s personal things and give them the 3rd degree. He believes that you should have just as much access, if not more, that you do your own stuff and that checking up on them is a sign that you care and always want to know what’s going on. I want to get a few opinions on this before I get ‘witchy’ about it. Now. . .
Would it bother you more if you partner did or didn’t snoop through your personal things? Why or why not?
Do you take it as a lack of interest if they don’t check up on you and give you the 3rd degree?
What do you think the protocol should be, or is for you, in checking up on each other, asking questions, going through your partners cell, e-mail, and backing accounts?
Thanks!
I should also mention that on the few occasions I took the bait and asked him to see his private info that when I did he went from if you cared you’d want to know, to if you trusted me you’d let it be and anot want to see my personal things. It’s a losing situation either way it seems. If I don’t snoop in his stuff he says I’m not longer interested in him and am looking for someone else and don’t care what he does, but when I do occasionally inquire he gets upset and says I must not have any trust in him and he can’t deal with it if I don’t respect his privacy. I am sooo lost. . .
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Tagged with: 3rd degree • cell phone • e mail • few opinions • game • lack of interest • occasions • passwords • personal belongings • personal things • phone lock • private info • protocol • routine checks • signs • valid reason • wallet
Filed under: Infidelity Warning Signs
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I only read half of your question.However When someone is that distrusting I wonder what they are doing.I think distrusting people are often not trustworthy.
I agree with naked. He shouldn’t be snooping through your personal belongings. He is distrusting because he himself is guilty of wrongdoing. He only wants you to check up on him so he can prove to himself that he is smarter than you and is clever about hiding his affair.
I think it’s a bad thing to feel like you need to become a PI in your own marriage. Hire one, instead.
I mean you hire one, he is hiding something.
I find your husband’s attitude a bit …… odd. And I find the fact that you allow him to violate your privacy that blatently even more odd.
If you are willing to grant him the privacy you’ve described then he should return the favor. He has some SERIOUS trust issues - on both sides of the fence.
I would NOT tolerate it, that’s for sure.
That’s ridiculous. Spying on your partner is a sign that things are very very wrong. It’s practically closing the casket on your relationship.
I have absolutely no problem with giving my partner access to my personal things, because there should be complete trust and integrity between us. Snooping is a clear sign of complete mistrust.
There is practically never a good reason to snoop in your partner’s things. The only reason I could ever see it being justified is if said partner has a history of lying and cheating and he/she is obviously not being honest with you.
I, however, would still confront him and demand the truth before snooping. If you have problems or doubts, you should talk about them, not assume the other person is guilty of cheating.
He shouldn’t be snooping unless he feels like you are doing something. I have snooped and my husband hates it but I have also found things when I snooped. He is being disrespectful to just do it because.
I went with a man who was like this, at first I thought it was ok. I figured he just cares alot about me and I have nothing to hide so who cares. After almost two years of it I broke off our relationship. I just couldn’t take the mistrust any more. The sad part was I was crazy about him, believe me in time you will tire of it too. If there is no trust you really don’t have a healthy relationship. Relationships are hard enough to work at let alone being with someone who dosent trust you. It has everything to do with his issues, and nothing to do with you.
I get curious from time to time and snooped a few times in my life but with my current man he thinks it’s disrespectful and if I have any questions about something, ask and he’ll show. But if I asked I know he would think I don’t trust him.
Snooping has to do with being insecure and not trusting that person. Just saying from someone that has the urge to snoop.
Wanting to go through your stuff indicates a huge lack of respect to me. I would be extremely insulted by that lack of basic trust, and our marriage would be on very shaky ground.
I also have nothing to hide, and if he asked, I’d show him. But to assume he has the RIGHT to snoop is just disrespectful and accusatory.