Probably a beaten question but Infidelity in the home?
How can you trust someone? Basically im in the military and have been deployed twice. I have had issues with my wife and her frequenting the bars and friends houses while I was deployed. I told her that its not a big deal now and then, but it was almost nightly. To make this short we was back and forth, rumors here and there, from people I trust to not lie but they didnt have proof and she always denied it. She would get angry about me questioning her and saying im just feeding into thier lies. Recently I got a call from a guy that I dont know real well claiming that she had shown signs of cheating. asking him for his friends number and when confronted about her being married she replied "so!". well I confronted her with all that I was told and she claimed that the guy and his girlfriend didnt like her and that she was being attacked, and they was trying to ruin her marriage. In light of all the rumors I asked a good friend of hers, that she claimed they was best friends for the longest time what I should assume. The friend stated that yes she has cheated. The turned around and told her we didnt even talk. Later she found out that we did talk, and what was said. Instantly this best friend became unreliable, and not to be trusted she said. We also have a mutual friend for about 2 years. Since my wife had been gone she has been my sitter. I asked her if she ever said she was unfaithful and my sitter said yes she called one day crying while I was deployed and stated that she had cheated on me and wasnt sure if she wanted to come back to live with me when I came home. She told me that she wasnt going to tell me, but she also wasnt going to lie if I asked. When I confronted my wife of this, all of a sudden now this person is not to be trusted and is trying to slink her way into my family. When my sitter tried to ask her why she is saying the call never happened my wife never confirmed the conversation or denied it. Now she wants nothing to do with the sitter? I am almost certain of infidelity I just want some outside advice. She denies it to the t. constantly. Even when our marriage is on the line. She says she is not doing anything or hasnt done anything. But she gets angry saying she is tired of defending her name.
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Tagged with: best friend • best friends • friends houses • girlfriend • good friend • infidelity • longest time • marriage • mutual friend • proof • signs of cheating
Filed under: Infidelity Warning Signs
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Jack, I’m sorry that you’re going through this. It does seem that all the signs point to her infidelity.
You need to use paragraphs.
You trust someone who is trustworthy. I trust my husband. He did tell me one small lie a year ago, and I knew it. Now he doesn’t lie. It’s so much simpler that way.
Your wife is obviously crossing boundaries. However, I would NEVER go to people I don’t even know for reports on my wife. What makes you think they’re telling the truth? And WHY would they be getting involved in your marriage? Their motives aren’t beneficial to you, I’m sure.
IDK, sounds fishy to me. But, from reading your last question too, your wife sounds like she has some major problems that would best be treated by a professional. All I can ask you is, how long to you really feel like beating your head against a wall trying to make this marriage work? Staying together for the kids rarely works and the kids do eventually grow up to an age where they see and hear all that is going on with their parents…which would you prefer as a child - growing up in a safe, secure, happy home or one where your mom is cheating on your father, drinking, partying, dropping you off with sitters, screaming, fighting, on and on and on. Why do people really think that "staying together for the kids" is ever a good idea when their relationships sink to this level?!
Sounds like you already know the answer. There are just too many people pointing fingers. If it was one or two, maybe you could believe they have something against your wife. But it sounds like the whole town is against her. You have a right to be skeptical.
Btw, just because a person cheats doesn’t mean they’ll feel bad about it or come clean when confronted. There are those who will still argue that they haven’t cheated even if you catch them in bed naked with another person. Trust me. I didn’t make that up.
How has YOUR relationship been with her? When it comes to emotional or phsyical relations, that might say a lot there too. If she seems detached and denies all this, then I would say there IS something there. I believe God gives us intuition for a reason too. Listen to your heart and try to capture the truth based on facts and not on others. Good luck - you’re doing great for our country!
Well I don’t think that people would be so mean and cruel to make this stuff up. I have a gut feeling that your wife can’t be trusted. Just remember that a cheater is also a liar so you can’t expect to hear the truth from your wife. But, it’s your decision and if your in the military and she all the sudden is "free and Single" when your deployed then she isn’t much of a wife anyway. Lack of commitment would be a hard foundation to base a marriage on. You might want to find someone that is willing to actually be a wife and trustworthy of your life.
Hello! Duh! Stop being in denial the woman is a cheater, stop trying to convince yourself she is not, take it or leave it! Have more dignity and respect for yourself and be a man and step up to the plate and don’t put up with her crap anymore.
This is a really hard call to make - esp. since you are not around to witness it. How do people feel about your wife? Do they like her? If she is not liked, then there is a possibility that people are trying to discredit your wife with infidelity - but with all the rumors and innuendoes flying about, I am sorry to say that there must be something going on. The fact that your wife seems to get defensive about it also suggests that there is something going on.
When you get home, you are going to have to see if your wife is going out frequently, and if she is even when you are home, then you know there must be something going on.
You may want to consider couples counseling when you get back in order to confront these issues and try to determine once and for all why people would say these things about your wife - the truth may come out in these sessions.
God bless you and good luck!
Whoa dude, sounds like you have a problem here, and I’m not quite sure you are going about it the right way. I know, I’m not in your situation so what do I know. First, anytime that you are separated for a long period of time, like the two of you were, it takes time to readjust, to reconnect, and to re-establish your love.
Now this has been complicated by your accusations and talking to others. Either you are going to believe your wife, whom you supposedly love and honor, or you are going to believe friends and acquaintances. You are probably now at the point where there is little or no intimacy between you, and not much conversation.
Here is what I suggest. Sit your wife down and the dining room table, hold her hand, and apologize to her. Tell her that you love her deeply, and are sorry for having any doubts about her. Tell her you want to wipe the slate clean, forget all that has happened in the past, and start fresh building your marriage. Discuss things, find out what you both want, and go from there. Even if she confesses something, find it inside yourself to forgive her.
One last thing, under NO circumstances ever, ever bring up the past again. When you stand up from the table, you leave all that behind and move on. Hoorah!
Your wife is living the life of a single woman. Clubs each night and associating with men she most likely sleeps with. She was not marriage material. You know in your heart if she’s capable of cheating or not. Personally just the fact she goes clubbing each night would be a big clue I am with the wrong person.
I’m an infidelity couples counselor, and I’m also an Army wife.
You know the truth. Your wife is cheating. I don’t know what else to say to you other than that. You’ve listed everything here, and it all points to her cheating. These other people have no reason to lie to you. She has every reason to lie to you. You absolutely cannot trust this woman I’m an Army wife, so I know how military wives like this are. They are no good, and you need to get rid of her. I’m an infidelity couples counselor, and I help couples recover from infidelity, but I would not suggest trying to work things out with this woman. It’s just not realistic. Often marriages fall victim to infidelity when one person is experiencing issues with themselves or with their relationship. Whatever her issue is, anytime you are deployed, you leave yourself wide open for betrayal due to her psychological issues that led to the infidelity in the first place. You don’t deserve that. There is no way you will be able to trust her if you get deployed again, and she will definitely turn around and cheat on you again while you’re away. Some women are just not emotionally strong and emotionally independent enough to be able to stand on their own two feet. They compulsively need someone physically in their life. You really need to get rid of this toxic woman. Give her her walking papers ASAP. You know the truth, and she isn’t even woman enough to admit it to you, even though you know and everyone else obviously knows. Get out ASAP. You don’t need this stress while you’re deployed. A woman that would do this to you while you’re dealing with so much worse while being deployed is scum in my eyes. You can’t trust her, and you shouldn’t.
sorry darl i know u are working away but what do u expect i bet alot of wives cheat on there hubbys as there not getting it from there hubbysssssssssssssss
its real simple, listen to your gut instinct, if you feel she is cheating, she probably is. based on what you’ve said also. i have a friend who cheated on her husband and he was always asking if she did or not and she would get so mad at him. he found out from another friend of ours that she had indeed done this. the three of us knew but not the husband. finally about the 100th time the husband asked she told him if he asked again she was gonna leave him. sad to say he never asked and they are still together and he still doesn’t know that she DID cheat on him. so sorry for you!!!
Your wife is cheating like a mad dog and is trying to cover her tracks. People know. Where’s there’s smoke….there’s fire….
No offense but you already know the truth why are you looking for proof? Do you really need it?
Not sure why you would give her any opportunity to go out to bars while you’re gone anyhow, they are nothing more then meet markets and you can bet your arss that the locals and other rear D guys know vulnerable wives are easy pick ups.
Cut your losses, seriously, she is pulling the old "lie, deny and counter accuse" crap that most people who know they’re wrong pull…just let it go and move on.
Lots of wives cheat on soldiers while deployed, its despicable, but there are a lot of deployed soldiers who cheat in theater as well…so its an ugly game with no winners, no respect of values of marriage…for those who do remain faithful its a rare and beautiful thing.
Bro…this is tough…if your wife cared about the marraige she would care about your feelings…point blank…not that she should not have a life…butit should be a responsible life..no married woman should be hanging in bars gettgin drunk all hours of the night sorry. That will only lead to trouble