I snooped through my husbands email….and don’t like what I found PART 2?
One more thing is that one day I was home cleaning and looking for some computer things. A stack of his letters from girls while he was deployed were sitting out in the spare bedroom and I read through a couple of them. Those sounded more truthful with what he had told me - that the girl writing them (the ones I read) was not very attached to him, wrote more like a friend than a lover and he lost interest in her before he returned home. I’m not sure when exactly they stopped writing - I only read a couple and found nothing objectionable in them; there is also no evidence of their continued contact to this day. However, he must have seen them sitting out and saw the room generally disrupted, because that night in a bad mood he asked me if I had read his letters. I lied and said no, and asked "Should I have?" He replied "No, you shouldn’t have." I know those were personal letters, but the fact that he does not want me, his wife, reading them bothers me.
He has taken ex girlfriends numbers out of his phone directory, he is all the time either with me or at work. We talk during the day and he does sweet things for me. In his emails I saw nothing more recent than four and a half months ago — therefore nothing to make me suspect he is being unfaithful. He comes home straight after work, I can call or text him any time. I’ve been in unfaithful relationships in the past with men and boys and I know the signs to look for - I don’t see or feel any here. Yet I can’t get away from this bad feeling — at a time when I was steadily falling for him, whom I’d just met and was loving his daily emails and phone calls, I now have proof that he was at the same time emailing and calling other girls. I know, I know — he married me. But he married me because I was pregnant. And while he is a good provider and a pretty good husband most of the time, I feel depressed and less-than-desirable after this. I feel like I wasn’t his first choice - I ended up being his only option. Maybe they are childish notions of a little girl, but I always dreamed of a man who would fall madly in love with me, sweep me off my feet and whisk me away to happiness. Not marry me so I’d have health coverage for our unborn child conceived unexpectedly three months after meeting.
I know I sound incredibly distrustful and nosy. The truth is while I have not been in but a few relationships, I have been abused and cheated on in the past. I carry those fears into this relationship; while I am working on resolving those issues it feels incredibly hard to trust him, and not to look around. And when I find something like this it hurts so much. What should I do? Try to forget I saw anything? I can’t imagine confronting him - he would get so angry and wouldn’t trust me at all.
Please help… I don’t know what to do.
We did use birth control - it failed.
It was his idea to get married - he suggested it, we talked about it for a short time, and then agreed to it. He proposed and met my family, who like him. They are typical of the "Well you got pregnant you should get married" mind set.
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You should have a talk with him in a non-confrontational manner. If he is the good husband you say he is then he shouldn’t get mad but want to hear your concerns that you have. He probably just wanted his privacy but still in the end he shouldn’t have had a problem with you reading those letters, your his wife now and that’s what matters the most. However, maybe he just didn’t want you to read too much into the letters and get mad at him! Believe me the only way you will find peace with this is if you have a talk with him and tell him what you found.
You’re just paranoid because men have cheated on you in the past
Could you please answer mine?
http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090305181114AA3XTsJ&r=w
You should try to forget about it for now and focus on being a great wife and treating him well… just make a little extra effort to making him happy. See how he acts for a while, if he acts like he is trying to hide something then i think you should confront him
I really don’t think you have anything to worry about at this point. He probably lied to you about the one girl, saying he cut off contact with her because of her boyfriend, because he was embarassed to tell you of his own behavior.
One thing to remember is that he did choose you to marry. It doesn’t matter that you got pregnant. There’s no law that says if you knock a woman up that you have to marry her. Lots of people who have children together don’t get married. He made the choice to make you his wife. Have a little faith until a day comes where he proves to you that you shouldn’t. Don’t borrow trouble!
Good luck to you!
First of all I think that a lot of the mistrust comes from your past history of cheating on people and so therefore you might think that the same thing can happen to you as well. If he isn’t doing anything that is giving you a reason to suspect him doing something wrong then I would just work really hard on trying to have a little faith in him. I know that you said you have been cheated on before so I can see where you have trust issues but try to work on this together. You love him right? Okay so start to have a little trust in him and you also have to show that you are trustworthy as well.
He is not them. the sooner you realize that, the better you are.
I didn’t read your first posting, but if you two have a good relationship it would be a good start to let your husband know about your fears. Not accusing him, but just to let him know that it’s "your issue" that you are dealing with. Talking about your issue with him will let you feel better in not hiding it from him, and it will also let him know that you aren’t blaming him or accusing him of anything. It’s difficult being pregnant because there are sometimes self-esteem issues to start with-so just sit down with him and have a heart-to-heart with him. Most of all, if you truly feel it’s your issue you can talk to him about possibly going and talking to a professional about it-that will show him that you aware it’s you and not anything that he’s done.
Get out… If he is unfaithful now, Before the baby.. whats next after it.
What he did before he met you is none of you business.
You have ambushed this man into having a baby and marriage. You only met this man online in September, and personally in December……………..3 MONTHS!!!!!!!!!
If you keep this behaviour up, you will eventually lose him!
it’s natural for a female to feel this way, ecspecially the way you quickly fell in love you are yet to know more about him. But just because a few guys were dogs doesn’t mean they all are, don’t ruin somthing good because of that. Hes a guy if he didn’t want to be with you he would have said so pregnant or not he would have left if he wanted to! "if a guy is in love with a women nothing can keep him away and if hes not nothing can keep him there."
I know its also hard having him in the military and gone all the time, but you have to try and be sane and not think so negative there is always a chance of somthing in any thing in life but thinking it only makes life miserable, be happy! also whats in his past should stay there, its a waste of time worrying about it, i mean if hes been good so far and there arent good reason treat him right, i’m sure he’ll do the same if he carea about you. Try to fix this problem you get about being upset over this because when the baby comes you dont want him/her in a unstable life, with screaming, arguing and lies. Find the urge to stop snooping it might help your relationship and your worries, did you try talking to him about trust and tell him how you feel? he might need a littl reassurance after all this.
Talk to each other get to know each other more, go out on happy dates believe me when the little one gets here youd wished you went on wayy more.
Wow…you guys really rushed this one….darn…I must ask, how does your family feel about this arrangement? Look, he has to get used to this idea of the microwave family that he has made for himself (microwave = quick, not planned, instant) and that will take sometime, no matter how much he actually has. Now, he did the honorable thing, and whether it was the right or wrong thing, its done. Give him space and credit. Men always interpret truth with their own spin. He had to lie or bend the truth to numb the sting of his burnt ego. Those letters and emails, they are past not future or present. In my personal relationship we encourage discussing past relationships but we never bring into our lives. Give the guy a break.
Ok sweetie, when your pregnant you do not think about or make any major decisions. Wait it out.
As for the snooping, you are married to this man. Do you want to push him away? ARe you looking for trouble? cause if you are you will find it. He was a single guy, he was allowed to have relationships. Sure it hurts to read your husbands words to other women. It would hurt even if they were ten years old and not a year old. Those things led him to you. He was comparing how he felt and how they made him feel and it led him to you and to want to be with you.
Now is not the time to mull over wether he married you cause you were preg or not. its over and done. let it go. Your married, now lets put all our efforts on making it the best decision you both ever made. You can do this you know? You do it by letting go of the past. THat is his. Its really dishonest to look into his things and hold him under a microscope. He is with you today. So let go of that and focus on today.
As for the phone call, of course yu feel badly. He should of handled it the way you said. I dont know why he didnt. it is a red flag to keep watch on. Guys know how to loose girls. Mabey he is feeling overwhelmed….new husband and soon to be new father….
Let it go for now but watch. Its not your place to tell the girl to hit the road that never works, its his job to do it. And you two need to talk about what your expectations are about old flames and contact with the opp sex. Everyone has different rules/feelings about that. What works for me might not work fo ryou two. Talk over what you expect about the computer, email, myspace/facebook, old notes and photos etc. Dont just assume you are right. He has the right to an oppinon too.
Now you broke alot o frules…you married way too fast without really knowing eachohter. can you still have a successful marriage? yes. BUt good marriages dont just happen. They take work.
So right now get excited. You have an amazing husband that is trying to do the right thing. You are going to be amommy soon. That baby needs emotional stability. Did you know if you are upset while youare preg that it upsets and affects your baby?
Focus on loving that man of yours and making him happy that he chose to be your husband. Plan some awesome date nights. Build a strong relationship that will be able to withstand the test of time and everything else that life dishes out.
Good luck hon and take one day at a time.
You need to get over all that bad stuff from the past…. It is poisioning you daily. Stop looking in the mail or email. Distrust is like a cancer on your relationship. You MUST let the past and it’s chaos go….Wake up in the morning and love him and your child….Love works..