did your spouse leave you and the kids?
after cheating on you? How do you handle seeing this person when you have to drop off the kids…pick them up etc? I am getting much better but I still feel like I cant be around her yet or see her. Every time the time comes when I have to do a pick up drop off…I cringe…she always tries to hug me and kiss me…I havent been strong enough to say no completely to that. I know I have to be strong for the kids…they need to see us happy and healthy and that we can get along…its easier said then done since the pain of deception still stings of her leaving and continues cheating…she will not even sign the divorce paperwork that I filed and said she is going to wait it out….the divorce is official in 2010 without a signature. She is still after some 18 year old boy and still a heavy drinker..and bipolar although she does not think she is bipolar…she is 34 but was talking to him sexually at age 17. Its been about a year now and she has talked to many young boys around thyat age since then and I still feel like I cant be around her…is this normal? How did you handle this? I have to drop them off every wednesday from 4-8 pm and she ahs them every other weekend…when those times come I really stress out.
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Tagged with: bipolar • cheating • divorce paperwork • heavy drinker • signature • young boys
Filed under: Catch A Cheater
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First of all, I’m truly sorry you have to put up with the bull crap but its your fault. You let her kiss you, you let her hug you. All she is doing is taking advantage of the situation and being just plain cruel. Don’t get me wrong, I know it hurts and I’ve been there. Thing is, you need to value yourself. I understand you need to be civil because of the kids but you can always have a close relative drop them off and pick them up. It doesn’t necessarily need to be you. You need to snap back into reality and remember what she did to you. Recall what she is still trying to do know. If she valued your marriage, she couldn’t of cheated. You need to move forward. Once she sees that, maybe then she will know what she lost. Good luck!!
can you pick them up at school and tell her privately of course that you are un comfortable with her hugging you a simple hello is fine
Maybe have it happen at the same place, I mean either you drop them off or she does, but do not mix it. This would be good consistency for the kids. Also, if the kids are old enough just have them go in there and you do not ever see her, either that or have someone else drop the kids off or be there for you. Even if you must pay someone, at least for a while. It is normal and it is hard, but these precautions can make the way easier. Sounds like you might still like her, but she sounds like bad news. Forget her, start dating again when kids are gone and do not see her unless absolut,. necessary…
u should leave ur spouse coz he seems abusive 2 ur kids or u must ask 4 restraining other towards u and ur kids.
How old are you kids? You are under no obligation to speak to her unless it directly involves the children. If the kids are old enough, I wouldn’t even get out of the car. I’d pull up in her driveway, and have the children get out and go into the house on the their own. Encourage her to do the same thing when she brings them home. If you’re going to pick them up, wait in the car and honk the horn for them to come out. Sure, you’re obligated to show your children that you and their mother don’t hate one another — all you have to do is be civil when there are times you have to talk and see one another. Pick ups and drop offs are NOT an obligation to see one another. My husband and I get along very well with his ex, but she never comes in when she drops him off after her few hours with him, she waits in the car.
If your children are too young for this, you’re going to have to just suck it up and deal with it. One this is for sure, though, you DO NOT have to welcome any physical contact from her. If I were you, I’d literally say "Okay, here they are. I’ll be back at (insert time here) to grab them." Or "I’ll see you when you drop them off, thanks." Then, turn to talk away. If she tries to hug or kiss you upon arrival, take a single step backward to avoid her advances and simply say "Thanks, but I’m uncomfortable with that. I have to go now." I know it’s difficult, especially when your relationship ended the way it ended, but you do need to be strong. Find the strength within yourself to be the strong man you aspire to be for your children.
Good luck.
The hugging and kissing has got to stop!!! What you are doing is giving her the upper hand.She is playing with your emotions to see how far she can push you. She leaves you for someone else and is thinking that if it doesn’t work she could go back to you. If she is messing with someone that young, she has major issues. Setup arrangements to pick and drop off your children somewhere else.
My ex-husband left after cheating on me. At first, I was angry with him and wasn’t handling the pick-up and drop-off well, but I’m past that now… Honestly, it’s his loss, even he says it. ahhaha.
But, really, if you’re uncomfortable, have someone else, like a family member, do the pick-up and drop-off for a while, so you won’t have to see her… might be the easiest solution.
It is really, to me, a pain that must be comparable to being tortured. When a spouse cheats it is something that takes every person a different amount of time to heal from. There is nothing that will speed up the process. I think it is great that you are trying to act normally for your children. You will heal and forget. Till then you will keep playing out events in your head, you will hate her and the other person, you will ask yourself what you could have done differently, you will want to tarnish her reputation to anyone who is willing to listen…….. The list just goes on and on. You will get over it though. Go through all the phases and take the time you need. Good Luck!
I’ve never been married or had kids but my parents got divorced when I was 10 and it was really hard on me to see that they couldn’t even see each other when I was picked up and dropped off I was like you cant even do that for me?But I also understood it was really hard for my dad because my mom cheated on him and worked late at Ford everyday and left early so my dad had alot of resentment towards her.But I think you shouldn’thave to bee submitted to her hugging you and kissing you because your kids might get the idea that you might get back together, also just tell her that your not ready to see her because you still have some resentment from her cheating on you.Also it may be easier on you to drop your kids off a house or two before hers and watch your kids to make sure they get there saftley .If your kids want you to communicate talk on the pphoneto setup a place you can drop them off so you ddon’tsee her.Also maybe you should talk about it with your friends to get over her.You need to tell her to sign the papers when your ccompletelyover her and convince her you’ve both moved so its time its official.Good luck
Oh poor YOU. Poor, poor YOU. This situation affects YOU oh so much. The very thought of being in the vicinity of such a disgusting person must be so trying for YOU.
Now that we’re done with the pity party, why don’t you get off your high horse, stop your incessant judging and start living without being so offended by other people’s life choices. She’s the mother of you children and guess what buddy, you picked her so quit whining.
Honey, do not stress yourself out about her, You should thank your lucky star, the next time you see her, smile and think to yourself, what a break you got, you do not have to deal with her, just for a few minutes because of the kids. You need to get your thoughts in order, things happens for a reason, You deserve better, and God wants you to be happy, now you can have some peace in your life, lighten up, and have some fun. Do not let her stress you out, she is not worth it, smile to yourself, and thank God for getting you out of that mess. You could have gotten your divorce, because of adultery.
Who said you have to see her. If you still feel like you can’t be around her have close family or friend drop them off or pick them up. It’s not like you are going their constantly so I’m sure someone close to you would be willing to help. I understand your dillemma it took me awhile to get used to dropping my son off to his father but now it doesn’t even phase me. In the beginning I had my dad drop him off and we only spoke on the phone with things that have to do with our child. You need to learn to make it almost a business thing where it’s only discussing the kids the rest of it is no longer any of your business or concern as long as it doesn’t effect the kids time to move on. What she does with her life isn’t your problem. If you do have concerns with it effecting your kids bring this up to the judge and maybe supervised visits will be ordered but if you think this won’t concern them then stay out of it and quit dwelling on it. GOOD LUCK.
I’m thinking it is time to take the papers to her and ask for her signature.
Tell her that her behavior is despicable and that you will never be able to accept her as your wife again. Explain that she has made no effort to do anything to stay married and ask her why she is dragging her feet.
She is way past admitting the bipolar thing and getting treatment.
Her behavior is either motivated by a mental issue OR she is completely devoid of any morality. In either case I would ask her to just sign the papers every time you speak.
it will be some tension their but you are a big a boy you can handle it , and no i was the one that left but my husband never gave up on me.
For your kids. Just keep it in your mind, for your kids and when she approaches you for the routine hug and kiss, find the willpower to step back and put up a hand to stop her. (I would be thinking: I don’t want to kiss her boyfriend through her…. it’s sick, but that might be all you need in your head to put up some distance.)
It’s okay to let her know not to do the romance when you are there to drop off the kids because it bothers you. Put the reality out there in her face without being confrontational. You don’t want an argument on your hands in front of the kids.
If it really bothers you and you are not strong enough to push her away yet, perhaps you should think over what some of the answers gave you: hire a sitter to do the drop offs and pick ups.
Just one more year, Javi, but the divorce won’t stop her from hugging and kissing you. You have to do that.