Why NOT tell the spouse you cheated? Selfishness?
I’m recovering daily from spouse that was caught cheating….but what prompted me to ask this question was a previous question listed in the Marriage & Divorce section that was aking should he tell his wife that he cheated, if she doesn’t know….It is scary to see how many people in the room would rather be selfish and not tell their spouses…..I
Ok…the cheating part is the selfish part of the act….but the not telling is DECEITFUL…BOTTOM-LINE. The pain will be there…I know the cheating got handed to me and I had to find out in her journal… Thank GOD she and HE were not in that house at the time…I was almost famous… I swear by it.
Related Posts - Cheating in the Army if you're spouse won't sign divorce? Okay, so what happens if oh say, some woman has been trying to get a divorce from her husband for quite some time?However he won't sign the papers, but they haven't even lived together for over a year and she isn't deployed. Then this woman starts a relationship with another......
- I THINK MY HUSBAND IS CHEATING ON ME? he logs in every 2 mins and uses lots of kb every time late at night after i sleep at 1am 2am could he be browsing the web or using blackberry messenger to send msgs its every 2 3 mins and they are alot can some one tell me how......
- Is my girlfriend cheating on me? I think my girlfriend may be cheating on me. She sent me a text indicating she was pregnant. But we only have sex with her on top so she couldn't have gotten pregnant from me! Which makes thinks she's sleeping with someone else. I mean, if she doesn't use condoms......
- I just found out my ex-girlfriend cheated on me..........? I was with my ex girlfriend for 2 years and throughout that time I thought she was faithful 100%.We broke up for other reasons not related to infidelity. We've been broken up for 3 years now but I am in complete shock because her best friend told me she was......
- Is wife financially responsible for husbands extramarital affair that produced a child? My husband had an affair with a very good friend of mine. It went on for 2 years. Am I going to be held financially responsible as well as him, we've been married for 15 years, and have two children ourselves. She is the single parent of 2 children now.......
- My wife always accuses me of cheating...Why? My wife and I have been together for 5 years (married 3 1/2 of them). Anyways, we have had alot of problems. We have separated numerous times, but somehow we always get back together. Anyways, things never seem to change. Although, promises are made things always seem to go somewhat......
- After infidelity - is a lie of any kind a warning sign? My husband and I were high school sweethearts. I thought for sure we were soul mates. He wanted to marry early I did not. At 20 I became pregnant. 5 yrs later we had another child. We married 7 years later and have been for 7 years. At times he......
Related Websites - One Hundred Pushup Challenge -- Knee Push ups, 1 Handed Knee Pushups, and Full Push ups Well if you haven't heard by now then you aren't paying attention to the Health and Fitness blogosphere... Everyone is doing the 100 push up challenge at 100 push ups. It is a 6 week training program geared toward a final test where 100 consecutive pushups are completed. (My first......
- What are your suggestions for the Fable 3 magic system? In fable 1 and 2 there were drawbacks to the magic system. Fable 3 should be a mix of them. Here’s why. •Manna replenishment was a big concern in the first one. We could do without will potions just to make it fair, and a faster base replenishment for the......
- Monday Lotto AU 1.5million Recent G Network private in-house lotto games have been returning a profit, over the last few weeks. With a view to tracking the outlay-to-return ratio, from today, all G Network suggestions will be in the form of "optimized games" based upon the work of Saliu. In the running of the......
- I want to file my taxes with my new husband, but i'm afraid he may owe back taxes. How can I find out online? I would like to take advantage of filing "married filing jointly." But my husband may not have filed a return about 5 years ago. We know that they kept his last refund... So we are wondering, where we could find out if we filed together, if they would keep some......
- What is the name of the movie... it's drama/romance/fiction? This couple is living together and they love each other. Later he starts seeing a girl and she starts seeing a guy and the couple breaks up. Both have a new start with these people that they were seeing but it doesn’t last for too long and the new two......
- State Default Rates -- A Publishable Application of the RateLadder ListingKey In the past I have talked about my technique for adding a ListingKey to the Loan table of the Prosper.com data export. While I had successfully added the key several weeks ago I hadn't found an application of the key that I could publish until recently.  A fellow Princetonian and prosper lender......
- Will Harry Potter and Ginny get back together in book 7? Ok, so they break up in book 6. But the break-up was kind of half-assed if you ask me. It took, like a page and then the book ended. It's too little for me, I suppose. Also, I don't know why, but their split affected me more than Dumbledore's death.......
Like this post? Subscribe to my RSS feed and get loads more!
They really need to be selfless and tell their spouse they have dont this… This is the only right and fair thing to do…. I know I would want my spouse to be honest with me if he had done this to us and our marriage. Look at it this way how would you feel if your spouse cheated on you and did not tell you about it? Put yourself in your spouses shoes before deciding to hide and lie about things.
You know some people are QUICK to tell, and say sorry. They do it out of selfishness. They figure it is just words. They get it off THEIR chest, and now the poor spouse has deal with it.
It actually makes it easier to leave because now they can say it is the spouses fault for not being able to forgive.
I don’t think telling, or not telling is a sign of selfishness. I think it is the CHEATING that says it all.
I totally agree with you. I did cheat on my wife once, and instead of her finding out from someone else, I told her, yes it hurt her. Yes it caused major trust issues. But she forgave me, we went through marriage counceling and overcame those issues. The fact that we put God at the center of our marriage has really helped us alot to get past what happened. I’m ashamed of what I did. And it’s something that I’m sure may haunt me the rest of my life. But I take comfort in the fact that my wife has forgiven me for it and we have been able to move on.
telling serves no purpose other than to deliberatly try to hurt or place blame upon the spouse. The person telling is doing so only to cleanse his/her OWN conscience. Either the person who cheated feels so badly about it that he will never do it again or they don’t. If it’s the former then telling will mean that both people need to heal and fix themselves instead of just the cheater. If it’s the latter then the marriage is lost and they should just end it.
That being said…once the spouse knows about the transgression then the cheater should disclose all. It’s the only way to start the healing process. Otherwise the spouse will always wonder what really happened.
I’m not surprised at all. It shows more than selfishness, it shows disrespect. How can you say you love a person and cheat?
Speaking from both sides of the fence. I say dont tell. IF you realized you really screwed up, and learned from it and promise yourself you’ll never do it again, AND there is no way in hell your spouse will EVER find out via 3rd party. I cheated on my husband a few years ago and would have taken that secret to the grave with me, because I did all of the above, but bad karma hit me, and i found out he cheated on me recently, and to hurt him and "get even" i told him about my indiscretion. Depsite how bad his affair hurt me, nothing hurt worse than the look on his face when i told him what i did to him. He never told me about his mistake, i found out from his gf, that was a bad mistake on his part. See, i found out via 3rd party. Anyway, I suspected his affair, but didnt know for sure, and knowing what i know now, i would have rather have never found out, and in return never told him what i had done. Its just too painful. Some things are just better left unsaid. But thats just me. And i dont think its selfish, the cheating is selfish, but keeping it to yourself is not selfish. It spares so much pain and heart ache that can be easily avoided by either never doing it to begin with, or if that mistake has already been made, then realize what you are doing, STOP it immidiately, and promise yourself to never do it again.
Well, if one cheated one’s already selfish; so how would it help the situation to tell your spouse? Would it miraculously make you "un-selfish"? Telling on yourself would be trying to fix a mistake by piling more mistakes on top of it, and it’s never a good way to go. Some mistakes are meant to be kept quiet, learned from, and never repeated again - it doesn’t always serve a good purpose to be trumpeting about your screw-ups on every corner. I agree that it would be an honest thing to do to tell your spouse if you feel that you can’t remain faithful to them; but if you slipped once, and don’t plan on doing it in the future - why open a can of worms?
people don’t tell because they are afraid of loosing what they have and don’t want there mate to see what losers they are
In a way, it is selfish to tell that you cheated because you feel better for having unloaded your guilty conscience. Your husband or wife feels like sh**. If you are pretty sure that they will not find out, why tell them unless you want to break up?
think the person who doesn’t tell their spouse, is the one who loves their spouse the most. not wanting to hurt the spouse. usually when someone tells they also run the risk of their marriage ending so these are the people who love their spouse, some may think that the truth will set u free, but it may end the relationship as well. if he doesn’t tell her, it means he is ashamed of what he has done, and doesn’t want his marriage to end, means he may want to spare his wife the hurt. means he may not want his marriage to end. telling forces him to make a choice between mistress and wife. telling makes it real and not fantasy. no good can come of telling. should only tell if your ready to leave the marriage, and even then someone is going to really be devastated. in my case i would have rather believed he just wanted to end the marriage, for whatever reason, but he had to rub my nose in it, blame me for it, and make it known she existed, just made me hurt alot more than i needed to.