My spouse of 13 years and mother of two has been cheating.
On July 4, 2008 my wife slept with another man. However sense Feb 2008 until july 19 when I found out everything she had been speaking and messaging others through her phone telling them she was a single mother raising two kids by herself when I was the one staying home with them when she went out with her friends. For five days she put me through the most horrible thing I had ever experienced. Everyday I would find something new and the night before she said that what she told me was the truth and their was nothing else. During this time ( the five days of hell) I had started to experience signs of discomfort in my genitals and when I asked if she had slept with anyone she denied it even when I begged her to tell me so I wouldn’t get the call from the doctor but she didn’t and I did receive that call and that confirmed I had an STD and that crushed me. She say’s she’s sorry and regrets it but it’s hard to believe her at this point because of the five days of lie’s. We went to see a therapist a few days ago and plan to continue both together and individually. I love her, always have and always will. I just am so confused, everything I believed and held dear no longer exists. Do I just close the book of our lives after 13 chapters and grab another or is this when the second edition of our lives starts. I have forgave her and am trying to forget but Like I told her I am not doing it for her but for me so I can start getting my life back in order. I want to work it out and stay with her but at the same time am very afraid. I just do not thing I could handle that type of break down again. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I had just passed on that way I would not have to deal with everyday.
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Tagged with: 13 years • cheating • few days • genitals • hell • july 4 • signs • single mother • staying home • truth
Filed under: Catch A Cheater
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Everything she did disrespected you. I am married and you need to look at the example you are setting for your kids. Let people treat you that way, its ok.
Your wife put your life in jeopardy by having unprotected sex with another man. Through any of the ordeal did you ever man up and get mad?
She came clean and apologized because she got caught. Maybe next time she has sex in a porta potty she’ll make the trucker wear a rubber.
i know from past experience once a cheater always a cheater, a leopard doesn’t change her/his spots, get out of the relationship, take the kids and start over, you deserve much more than this, you are too good for her
You should forgive her,
but don’t stay with her.
She had slept with other men than
slept with you, doesn’t that just make your skin
crawl? Now every time she goes out whats going to
go through your mind? Obviously worried that she is going to
screw around right? Don’t be a fool, end things now.
wandaaaaa you arent dead yet???
anyway, that sucks i hate women like that … how about we both leave our stoopid mates and get together ….wink wink … lol … leave the nasty bitchhhh
I know it sucks dude. Divorce her. Take everything. Kids, house, all of it. Let her be a ho.
Peace.
Sorry. It sounds like you have a long way to go to trust her again. Keep up the therapy so you can deal with it. Be prepared that you may have to call it quits. It sounds like she’s not happy and she doesn’t seem very contrite.
Hang in there, it hurts but you will survive and be stronger.
You should go out and bang as many women as possible, time to fight back. Make sure you are either filming and or taking pictures of these events. Leave pictures and videos around the house so that your wife sees them and all will be well. Pass around the STD, be a man
Are you a man or a mouse….No man is going to put up with a woman….no matter how many years….cheating, lying and giving out STD’s…….Keep your dignity….and leave….you’ll still have a relationship with the children……don’t go right into another relationship….try to be independant on your own….She will respect you more for it…..if you stay….she’ll know she can walk all over you…anytime she wants…..REMEMBER you’re a strong , upstanding…man….don’t forget it
Take out word. She WILL do it again. Start the paperwork. I tried to forgive, but I NEVER forgot, which was hard on out marriage. Good luck to you
yal can work it out
Kick her out right now. If you don’t do it now, you will do it later. Once a cheater, always a cheater. I feel bad for you, but there is no excuse for what she did to you and the rest of the family.
she dosent desorve u u desorve someone better take the kids and move out she probably will cheat again because if u stay she will probably think that u will always taKE HER BACK
I feel sorry for you, what a raw deal/
I suggest you take one day at a time and keep seeing the therapist. It is one thing to forgive her and quite another to forget and let it go without it eating at you. To me, your situation depends mostly on HER reaction and attitude. Is she remorseful? Did she explain why she did it? How comitted is she to never doing it again? If not, don’t just cave in and make like noting happened. YOU were the one that she cheated. SHE should be making amends with you, not the other way around.
Either way, get used to the idea that it will take along time to work through this.
Been there, done that! Leave her, you can forgive but you will not forget, it will only make you more paranoid and eventually drive you crazy and you might lose a sense of self and self-worth!
Since you have started seeing a therapist give it time if this is really what you both want. Even in therapy you can get the tools to handle it if it doesn’t go forward and ends. You both haven’t been there very long to really get a handle on every thing yet.
This SUCKS Dude,
Been there, done that.
It sucks and it makes you deal with issues that you never wanted to experience.
Get the therapy it does help. If there is true remorse you may be able to get through it and move on again.
The question is , what do you want. try to define where you want your marriage to be and work for it.
13 years is a bit of an investment to toss away. The normal YA advice is always once a cheater but it discounts that you love this woman.
Keep up with the therapy. It can’t hurt to go buy the book, "After The Affair". Its about $15 and worth the money. It will describe what you are feeling and how to deal with it. The section on rebuilding trust is especially good. It will give you some direction and I know you really can use some right now.
Good Luck on this one.
Remember one thing, The advice you get is often more from the people who cannot make it work afterward than the ones who muddle through.
There are silver linings and the opportunity to tune up your relationship starting from here is one. Yeah, I know it is scant solace but it can be good again. Time heals all wounds. The scars remain.
One last item, DO NOT be so quick to forgive. Forgiving too quickily is as bad as not forgiving. You have been wronged with an explaination point of an STD. Her actions are not the behaviors of a person who once professed to love you. There is NOTHING in the books that says you need to let her off the hook so easily. She must atone for her behavior if you guys are to make it. There will also be some things which you will need to adress personally so stay with the therapy.
Take that knife out out your stomach though. In the big picture it hurts more than you think you can endure but the reality is that women are just not worth it. Your children need YOU. If this does not turn out so well they will NEED YOU more than ever.
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